The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
yesterday at work (I do a form of customer service) a customer (about 30 years old) and her mother hurled insults at me. I guess they felt because they were paying me they could take out their anxiety on me. I had made a mistake that wasn't going to cost them any money and was rectified within 10 minutes.
and they can!
i said nothing and asked God to give me patience.
Believe me part of me felt frozen in fear because of previous abuse. I almost told them both what I thought of them. I almost ended the job. But I didn't. I said nothing and did the best I could finishing up the job while they stood there saying how incompetent and crazy I was to each other as if I wasn't the and also to me Directly.
thank God I have a program and God and tools. I wrote it out and saw some things, like how many times I have acted the same way to people in the service industry because I want perfection of them and myself. I have tonality at this because Karma is truly a b--tch! And I LOVED seeing this. I want the truth about myself and I can have more compassion for those who serve ME in some capacity now.
and I can understand what it's like to be thar hard on others because I'm that hard on myself.
but the biggie was this: when I detach with love INSTEAD of react, that leaves the other person to deal with their own stuff. They can feel the guilt of how they behaved later by themselves. Sometimes they feel the guilt and other times it comes out sideways like through addictions. I know because I've ezoerienced that MYSELF!
its so hard not to react and let others own their stuff. But well worth it.
oh by the way, no self-seeking afterwards like thinking about how to punish them etc. They already hurt themselves enough.
The same thing happened to me about 2 weeks ago. Some people in my office dropped the ball on something, but because my name was on the emails as customer service, I got blasted by a middle aged guy for a good ten minutes, blaming me for ruining his business, losing him a customer, costing him $xxx, etc. I was also frozen in fear at the time but I had been instructed to just try to appease him and apologize. Every time I apologized it set him off on another two minute rant. I also felt the surge of sickness from past abuse come back. From childhood, actually. I also thought about quitting my job, or yelling back at him what I thought of him.
I also went through the same thought process as you afterwards, thinking how much he must have suffered for having gotten - and stayed - so angry for so long. Can't be healthy. For me, taking self-pity out of the process afterwards, is a big step in my recovery. I used to wallow terribly for weeks, but that's just renting out space for free in my head to some unhinged person.
((((Mahalo WTI and CTG)))) for your shares as this is how it is done and what I should follow up on to gain and maintain my peace of mind and serenity. Detachment the ability to be the best me I want to be not matter of what else is going on around me. Let it be and let it now be me. Great stuff. (((((hugs)))))
Thanks for your shares and encouragement.
Good to see you all.
Sometimes when I re-read my posts I get more insight. I don't want this other woman to suffer. In just want to allow her to have her own stuff and me have mine.
I went over it with my sponsor today too and saw I can do my best and leave the rest to God.
I also saw I trusted technology instead of myself and that's why I made the mistake that got her so angry.
It wasn't the end of the world but I did make a mistake. That cropped up HER fears.
My sponsor said I was right to not react but she did say over-apologizing comes from my low self-esteem.
Someone else here mentioned apologizing a lot and I don't think companies should tell people to do that! Bad enough we do it to ourselves.
She also said any amends are to myself.
God bless and keep up the great work everybody!
My mother sponsor (I'm so blessed!) told me this morning we in 12-step fellowship are in one big bubble bath and we're soaking and scrubbing and growing!!!!
