I have no experience to draw on here. If it were me, I'd keep my cat indoors although I know your cat fights to get out. Obviously, any contact with her only aggravates the situation. With my neighbor, I've learned to just let her be her, and keep away from her. I don't know what she is saying about me, but it doesn't matter to me. I can't fight lies if they are being spoken. I look to my HP to guide me if there is some negative outcome from my neighbor's penchant for gossip and dying brain. If your neighbor is like mine, others have had some difficult encounters with her and know that she is not quite right. Practicing Step 1 - knowing you are powerless over your neighbor's thoughts, feelings and behaviors and your life can become quickly unmanageable if you have any contact with her, Practicing Step 2 - in knowing there is a Power greater than the people involved in this circumstance who can restore your fear to faith, and then Practicing Step 3 - turning to that Power to guide you in this circumstance as to the best way to take care of yourself may be a big help in reducing any fears you might have in relationship to this gal?

The Serenity Prayer is also a big help. Its entirety in the Big Book is an excellent tool to research and to pray.

Prayers Melly

I do believe I would try to keep Kitty aka  (Michael Douglas) confined to the back yard for a time and walk in a different direction myself .

I like the idea of not engaging on any level.  Do not "JADE" in an manner with her.  Live and let live is my motto. 

 

 

((((Melly))))  you have such a way with humorous acceptance...lol.  Your post reminds me of what it use to be like before Al-Anon and what I found out and what I do now using the program.   I use to resist the insanity and meet it with my own in the past...matters got worse and out of hand and then I learned this thing called empathy or "feeling with" because I looked back on my past and could remember how I acted when I was seemingly alone and (self) confined to my own thoughts and craziness and fears (which sounds exactly like what she is going thru) and then I learned how to respond with acceptance often saying "God I know exactly how it is that you're feeling, I know for me how the fear of being alone made me nuts..." and more and just like in the meeting rooms the use of empathy could cause the other person to calm down.  "Aha...secrets out...they know about the elephant in my living room...and it is an elephant only to me it looks like a cat".  Empathy and compassion are huge tools in my recovery because they remove me from fighting against or with the other person and their condition to verifying that it exist and doesn't feel good.  I now stand on their side of the fence and can be heard.   When the friction and resistance is down and/or gone I have no enemy...I have another human being who is similar mostly with me.   I know how to do crazy wide awake and it sounds like you understand clearly because you have that condition and awareness yourself.  Using it is a tool.  I don't have any resistance today of sharing my story with others even others who are not in the same program with me and still in the same situation.  I can tell them what is crazy for me and have them be grateful they were not my victims and also that I learned of change and went with it.   Its apart of the 12th step of this program of recovery we call Al-Anon.  Just a part of "practicing the principles in ALL MY AFFAIRS" for me is being there for others who might need another message than the one that is stuck in their heads.   Maybe you have more than one alcoholic in your life or more than one victim of alcoholism.  Seems like you have another person that could use some of your ESH.  The opposite of FEAR is LOVE.   I found absolutely nothing pointless with your share here and I am grateful for how it opened doors and windows for me.   Mahalo.   ((((hugs)))) 

Are there any laws in your country that prohibits using a mailbox except for mail?

ahhh there must be a crazy cat lady in every neighborhood.....i have one on the street behind me who used to drive me to anger so often as she actually tried to steal my cat...feeding him all the time, even had her husband build him a little outdoor cathouse, like a miniature doghouse!!! i asked her repeatedly to please not feed him, do not take him inside her house, do not worry about his health, i take care of him, he sleeps on our bed, he is very comfy, etc etc.... every time i could not find him and he would not come when i called him i would go plodding and searching through the backyards and find him at her house.
after repeatedly asking nicely for her to just not feed my cat, one day i spoke rather harshly to her....i knew i hurt her feelings when she asked me how could she not feed him because she puts food out for all the ferel cats and she couldn't stop feeding the ferel ones. then i realized that she really had good intentions in her heart, and being irritable towards her was not going to change her. i also realized she did a bit too much acid in the 70's and had some fried neural connections. anyway....i made her a lil gift and took it to her...thanked her for being an angel to all the homeless cats. after that, she made it a point to bring mine back to me when he went over there......

......so i just decided to be glad that she didn't try to feed my husband.

PS...great ESH everyone, it seems like we've all had neighbors like this at one time or another! Great share about the acid trip cat lady Barbara:)

Thanks for the laughs, people

Well, cat-lady's last message stated that "if your cat comes around here again I will call the ranger". So Michael Douglas the cat has not been outside at all since then yet in my letter box today is a letter from the council stating that I have 7 days to register the cat or face legal action blah blah blah. So she had already called them before she left her weird hysterical message. I actually went to the council office recently to register the dog, and was going to do the cat too but ot was much cheaper to register a cat that is desexed and microchipped, so the lady suggested I wait until I could afford to do that (cheaper just before breeding season) and then register him. There was no immediate urgency. But now that cat lady has reported me officially I have 7 days to do all of this or be fined which will make it even longer before I can afford to pay for it all, and the law has just changed so that you cannot register a cat at all unless these things are done first!! So she's really screwed me over. Why? Because I didn't respond to her hysteria and that simply won't do!!

I tried being nice and she took it as a sign that she could carry on at me as much as she likes.
I tried being stern and she got hysterical and told anyone who would listen that I "took around my gang to attack her".
I tried ignoring her and she has gone out of her way to make everything much, much harder for me.
I tried doing what she wanted and each time she just finds something new. Sound like our A's much??????

The cat yowls non stop because he wants out. He also has some weird gross sore on his face that keeps oozing and bleeding, I need to take him to the vet to have that looked at but wow, where's THAT money coming from now? It actually looks like someone has kicked him, I wonder if she is that crazy? Cat is miserable, I am fed up with the poor little bugger, ugh.

Anyway, she won't have anything to threaten me with once it's all done so that will be nice but heaven knows where I am going to find the money so fast and I wonder with a sinking feeling...is she trying to bully me into paying for these things so that she can then take him and lock him in her house? Because she's pretty obsessed with him and taking his collars off him isn't exactly rational behaviour. None of it is.

Ugh. In her mind she is the saviour of all cats. I wonder if she realises that he was a stray that my daughter brought home that I have loved and cared for and done the best I can with and right now I almost want to give him away, I'm so sick of the entire situation.

Deb, you aren't wrong about me attracting the crazies! I'm told it's because I don't spot the red flags and try to understand people and befriend them when they are clearly crazy or toxic. HP I'M NOT UP TO THAT STEP YET BUT IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU COULD LIFT THAT DEFECT FOR ME PLEASE, BEFORE I INVITE ANY MORE LUNATICS INTO MY LIFE!!!!
Anyway Deb, remind me to tell you the story of when my husband left me and I advertised for a student border...and ended up with an old lady who turned out to be an old man and made life hell for 6 months until I moved out of my own home to escape him. That one is hilarious; my mum wants me to write a book about it lol.


Anyway thanks for letting me vent out this nonsense and for giving me some laughs over this ridiculous situation. The plus side I am seeing is that I haven't lost my cool over it once. Aside from some eye-rolling and head shaking I haven't let it get to me. 6 months ago I couldn't have done that, I would have been foaming at the mouth lol.
Hugs all!!!
(((everyone)))

 

 

-- Edited by Melly1248 on Tuesday 18th of March 2014 08:20:04 AM

I would imagine if I tried to speak to law enforcement about her putting her garbage in my mailbox they would tell me to go home and get a life to be honest. But hey, it's that same small-town laid back attitude that allowed the council-lady to advise me to hold off on registering the cat until desexing etc were in their "cheap" season. If I lived in a city I would have just been told 'register now or be fined". So I can't complain about that. I benefit plenty from living in a "laid back" town. It's just unfortunate that she's made an official complaint now and they have no choice but to enforce it.
And I find it likely that she makes an awful lot of complaints and reports so I imagine they are probably as sick of her as I already am. I've only lived here for 18 months; she's been her for over 40 years lol. I can't imagine I am the first evil cat owner she has taken a shine to over the years. Plus I think it's quite conceivable that if I reported her for mail-tampering she would become even more obsessed and start finding more things to report. I don't want this to continue, I just want her to go away.

I had to get these cat-expenses paid for anyway so it will be good to get it done but no way I can have it arranged in 7 days so fingers crossed the council will give me some more time; if they hit me with a fine I will have no hope. Yes there is a discount at the local animal welfare society; that'll be a day on the bus to take him there and another to go and get him and still almost $200, there go my days of study again AND my money to replace my broken glasses, lol POOR ME POOR ME POOR ME!!!

Can't do much but laugh at this stage. It's hard to believe the silly old nut-bag has caused so much irritation. And to those who have suggested compassion or reaching out to her...I have tried, believe me. That was my first instinct. It just spurred her on to greater heights.

As to the mailbox I have gotten an old recycling tub and will put it next to the mailbox; anything she deposits in there will go into the tub so that next time she arrives to deposit something she will see her previous gifts and love-letters floating unopened in the rainwater. It's not possible to block her calls (we don't have an option for that) but I might just change my number; only a handful of people have it anyway so it's not a big deal. That should all say it pretty clearly.

Anyway Deb's crazy neighbour story sounds a lot worse. At least mine seems to limit her deranged behaviour to being the local cat-police!!

I wonder what she will do when the cat is registered and de-nutted? And she receives no response from me?

I think I'm actually grateful for this stupid experience. It has been a great chance to practice not getting myself in a state over someone else's crazy-making.

Well, I spoke to the ranger. He was happy to let it go as long as I plan to have the cat registered some time soon or else keep him indoors completely. I said is a month to get it all done OK and he said that would be dandy. He was awfully nice. He said she had made several complaints about me, he used the word 'serial complainer" and made a note of my version of events as she had indeed accused me of threatening her and being "extremely aggressive" and taking a bully around to threaten her (what BULLPOO). He gave me the definite impression that he also thinks she is mental and prone to story-telling and driving folks up the wall. He also pointed out that no-one else has complained about me and my aggressive behaviour or my evil cat which suggests to him that there's no issue.
He said he would call her and tell her she may not touch my mailbox nor harass me and that he is satisfied that I am going to follow through on what we have agreed so she should have no need to bother me again.

lol. I can't imagine she will be very happy with any of that. And she's got me just peeved enough to enjoy thinking about her not being very happy just for a moment.

But now I think I've given quite enough energy to that ridiculous little saga. Michael Douglas is currently in the garage as I am sick of his yowling and I am going to get down to some study and feel grateful and happy to know that my phone and letter box should henceforth be bereft of cat-lady nonsense. I shall endeavour to make my heart and mind likewise.

-kd that's an interesting thought, that lying could be addictive. My ex husband is a chronic liar and I could never understand it, he would lie about RIDICULOUS things (utterly pointless stuff like where he was after work when I didn't care anyway or I would find a porn magazine (big deal) and he would tell me "his friend left it there" or "he found it in the recycling", what he spent his money on, just stupid stuff that I didn't care about anyway and when a lie was exposed he would tell another to explain it and another, all to cover up something absolutely trivial like he hung out at a mate's place after work or he ate lunch somewhere expensive, it was so weird and I have never understood it. But looking it at it as potentially addictive puts a whole different spin on it. I would like to know more about that as our daughter is prone to doing the same thing, not to excess but it's not a character trait I would like to see her develop if I can help her avoid it.

-- Edited by Melly1248 on Tuesday 18th of March 2014 11:08:48 PM