What leads an A to AA? - Al-Anon Family Group

tweety23 · Veteran Member

What leads an A to AA?

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Speaking as an alcoholic: It took me feeling empty, at the end of my rope, about to lose everything, and having nothing to lose and everything to gain. Just getting to AA was the hardest part. Once there, I just did what they told me to do and it worked.

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

First time my AW sent into inpatient treatment, she came out with AA. She relapsed in 6 months or so, and when she got thrown in jail for 10 days for 2nd DUI, she is again big time in AA and I 4 months sober today.

But how about you? Are you taking care of yourself? When i tried to cajole, persuade, manipulate, or yell at my AW to stop drinking it always went nowhere and I felt worse. So I started taking care of me because I was the only person in the relationship I could take care of. Are you taking care of you? Have you been taking care of you?

Peace
Kenny

Beatrice · Senior Member

I wouldn't suggest anything to the A, when he is ready he will look to recovery. What leads an A to recovery is he has to Want to. It has to be for himself, not for anyone else.

There are many recovery programs out there, let him choose his own path.

Meantime, working your own recovery is what will be helpful and your lifesaver. When we are too tied up in the alcoholic then their behaviors control our day.

We need to learn to detach and realize that our partners are sick and diseased and it has nothing to do with us. We need to let them find their way, unless their disease affects in a threatening way, we always seek to find the best solutions and Alanon is the way, with their support of the face to face meetings, we find hope and friendship and other women and men going thru the same.

Keep coming back because it works if you work it.

Hugs, Bettina

-- Edited by Beatrice on Saturday 15th of March 2014 12:46:29 PM

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

My spouse got a DUI and his brother took care of getting him to AA and keeping him there for a month telling him it would look good for the judge. After that the judge told him he had to go for 6 months. After that he had a choice and there were a few times he would get busy and not go for a week or more. Then he would feel and act irritated at everything....then I would get mad. After taking a walk with him one day and hearing him swear and get mad at me and the world I told him he needed to get a sponsor and do more AA..... and I didn't have to say more. He was being an ass and he knew it. Since then I have stayed out of it mainly because he made it plainly clear to me that it was not my deal and he would not speak to me of it. Since then I also learned that if he goes or not is not my business, but how he treats me certainly my business.

Take care of yourself and let him see that you can be happy in spite of him.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

You say you know you need to work on yourself , I assume you are not yet attending Al-Anon meetings for yourself , often the alcoholic will follow us into recovery either way you win , in our program you will find yourself , learn about the disease of alcoholism and how to not let it effect your life . Your life has been affected by someone elses drinking and you too need to recover. Forget about sending him meeting times and places and save yourself another argument , how he chooses to recover is his business take care of yourself for a change . * just my opinion * Louise

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

tweety:

there were many many many times in my marriage when I thought 'this time it will take'--always white knuckling. I agree with the above post-ers that all you can do is take care of yourself. I think you genuinely had wonderful intentions in emailing the AA link; your A knows he can get to those meetings. THere's just nothing you do, don't do say, or don't say that will effect whether he drinks or not, gets into recovery or not.

All that said--this is the place for us! You are not alone, so many of us have been right where you are so I hope you feel the strngth in that support system.

I am now divorced and still struggle with wondering if my ex is drinking, white knuckling, or anything else. Very difficult to stay on our side of the street! It helped me to realize I actually (even though I desperately wanted to ) was not helping him.

wishing you strength,

Mary

tweety23 · Veteran Member

Thanks folks. I have been to al-anon meeting and it was wonderful. but we have... several.. children (ok not the 'duggars' or anything but a large family) and babysitting is pretty much non-existent. So i find coming here as well as reading materials the next best thing until the little ones are older.
Just talking, releasing here helps so much. I just forget to do so when things are going well... i have the habit of only coming here when things are rough :)

Jen · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((tewwty23)))))))))))))))

I go to f2f open AA meetings. That's where we get a lot more insight into how the A mind works. Also, these are questions to put to those local AA memebers. When your A is ready, the others in your local AA community will handle it. It's not your deal. We have to just take care of us. So hard, but the only way it works.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.