The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a newbie to alanon and I've been doing better at trying to focus on me and my kids. Last night was a huge set back.
My husband got home from work and right away i noticed him acting intoxicated. I quickly put our kids to bed and he got in the shower. I know i shouldn't do this but while he's in the shower I started searching thru the garage and his normal hiding spots for alcohol. I didn't find a bottle but in his work bag I found a wet paper towel that smelled like alcohol. When he got outta the shower I asked him about it and, of course, he denied it. I asked him for the receipt from the transaction he did at the gas station that day (this is something we do so we can build trust...when he makes a purchase, he brings me a receipt) he said he lost the receipt. He went in the garage for a few min then came back in and started to plead his case. "I'm not drinking" "I did nothing wrong" ect. He them proceeds to turn the shower on, i asked why the shower is on and he says "cause I'm gonna shower" I said "you just got out" and he says "no I didn't! I didn't take a shower!"...I was blown away! I cant believe he didn't remember showering! he just kept denying it! He was so confused and was stumbling around. I decided to just go to bed with my kids and lock the door. He kept trying over and over to get in and explain himself. He then got so enraged he punched a hole in the wall...again.
I was so upset I could barely sleep, I just kept crying. Its SOOOO sad he is not the same person I married :( Now I'm back at square one, I have to work this weekend and I'm gonna call in cause I don't wanna leave him alone with our kids.
This is so hard! I don't know what to do! do I leave him? go to my parents a few days? kick him out?
You are not alone in your feelings. The behavior can be crazy-making but you can do nothing about what he is or is not doing, or says or is not saying, etc. It has been extremely helpful for me to come here and read others' experiences; I can honestly say I always learn something and feel better everytime I come to the Miracles in Progress site (thank you John). Alanon literature and face to face meetings are very helpful as well.
Just continue to focus on you and getting the most out of the Alanon tools.
One of the things that could help you is to try and not look to find alcohol or pinning down your alcoholic for answers, he will only tell you what you want to hear.
Have you been to a face to face Alanon meeting? Try and read every day some Alanon material and really implement the program into your life.
Difficult as it is you must leave the Alcoholic to his own course. Meanwhile you can improve your life by finding answers for yourself.
Keep coming back, because it works if you work it.
I have learned to let go and start taking care of me. When I would accuse, beg, scream and beg my son to tell me the truth or went looking for bottles it only made things worse. I had to with all my being to not engage him anymore no matter what it was ( short of being in the case of death or injury ). As I started to stop my madness wanting to control, enable, convince or telling him I know I'm right and he's wrong things got better. He would come to me and want something and I said NO....no is a complete sentence. I love him with all my heart but I will never again try to fix him....it's non of my business.
One great slogan Canadianguy told me right from the beginning " He is going to drink or he's not, what are you going to do "
Take care of your children and you and let HP take care of him.
Keep coming back because you are not alone here
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
The shower thingy sounds like a classic blackout...you knew he took one...he didn't, couldn't remember and probably missed some other things on the way home also. I think Canadian Guy's question works really really well. What are you going to do? In support. ((((hugs)))))
He was in a blackout state. Please do not leave your kids with him. Try to find someone else to watch them. They need to be safe. I called it quits after my husband was drunk while watching my daughter. It's happened too many times. Please put you and your kids first. Safety is the priority. I decided the bad outweighed the good in my marriage and safety was most important for everyone. A break might be nice.
