The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you all for your prayers and support since my Dad entered the hospital and then the SNF in January. At 3:40 this morning, he died. I was alone in his room with him. This past Sunday, he didn't want me to leave him and go back home. I knew it was because he wanted me to be with him when he died. I had to return to my home and to my work and didn't see how I could get to him any earlier than Friday. I turned it all into my HP's hands. On Thursday, I felt an intuitive hit while at work. I called the nurses station at my Dad's facility to see how he was doing and to let them know I would be in town on Friday. The nurse suggested I come in on Thursday and not wait. Although it all seems a blur now, I was able to accomplish all that I needed to do at work that couldn't be delayed, get home, pack quickly and get on the road. At about 10:00 p.m., family members left Dad's room to go to their homes to rest. They were happy to know I planned to spend the night with Dad. I tried to reach some family when there were some changes in Dad's condition, but couldn't. I left messages and went back to my night watch and tending to him in his room. Suddenly, there was a major change in him and I was there to touch him and to thank him as his soul/spirit returned to his HP.
I am sad today and feeling empty yet grateful that our HP willed the end of Dad's struggle and suffering and that I was there with him just as he had wanted me to be.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 14th of March 2014 10:08:24 AM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 14th of March 2014 10:09:45 AM
I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your precious father. I will light a candle in his honor at church today and will offer prayers for you and your family.
Hugs Grateful .. Sooo sorry for your loss so thankful that you and he got to say goodbye the way you both wanted to. Saying prayers for you and your family today. Hugs and prayers always S
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Oh Catherine I'm crying for you my friend. I'm so so sorry for your loss but just knowing you were there for him is so huge in your love for him. I was not there when my dad died and it still hurts sometimes so God was with you, keeping you safe so you can be with your dad one more time.
I will also light a candle tonight for you and your family that peace will come in the fact he is a peace now.
You are not alone...we love you my friend
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
grateful: I am so glad that you have that name! A constant reminder that I need to be grateful too. I am sorry to hear of your loss. I can only imagine how you feel. I lost my dad in 2011. He went well & didn't suffer to much at the end. Each individual loss is different as I have learned lately. I really can't totally know how someone feels. I just know that I can feel--especially for others. My HP has taught me how to do so.
You are in my prayers. It is quite a journey from here. Keep the faith!
((((grateful)))) - I am so sorry for your loss. When my Dad passed away, I was there along with my 2 sisters. All his children were at his bedside and I am grateful that he did not die alone. I also had an intuitive feeling that I needed to be at the hospital that morning.
Grateful, so glad you got that opportunity to be there for him. Sounds like it happened just the way it should have. Sending my love to you and your family. Take care my wee friend.x
You do that good and its good that you did that with him. You are a comfort for others here also. I'm grateful for you. (((((hugs))))). I will remember his thru the weekend.
(Grateful) so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm so grateful for you that you got to be there with him like you both wanted. Your HP knew what you both needed and took care of it. ((Hugs)). Mary
((((Grateful))))) I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm glad you were able to spend time with him and for your special moments together. I wish I could better express words of comfort. Sending hugs and prayers.
Thank you all. Dad's funeral is Wednesday. This program, MIP, my sponsor have all helped me do what was mine to do and to keep my nose out of my Dad's business and my siblings business, too. Our family - like most all of us on this board - has been affected by alcoholism. Several of my sibs are heavy drinkers. The only person in Al-Anon is me. As most of you know, anything can trigger family drama - especially at times like this. The disease loves to step in when folks are vulnerable and grieving and destroy any semblance of compassion, self-care, serenity or consideration of others. I can't say enough about the program benefits that can be experienced with practice and willingness to reduce drama rather than to increase it - to want God's will rather than our own - to live and let live - to utilize Al-anon principles and practices whether or not others are doing the same. I know Al-Anon, my sponsor, the fellowship has made a big difference for me. I'm so grateful to my HP, the program, and MIP for guiding me through this time in my life with dignity, grace and serene strength. It truly does work if we work it.
Catherine, I am so sorry for your loss. I know the sadness and empty feeling you spoke of. It does and will pass in time. Be gentle and loving with yourself.
I too, was present and alone with my dad when he passed. My family members had went home and retired for the night. He was not comfortable. He was restless, and his feet were cold so I put some socks on him and spoke to the nurse who got the doctor. I told him, "my father came here to die comfortably and he is not comfortable at all." The doctor said that if they give my dad any more morphine he would pass within a few hours. I told him to give dad the morphine, he should not be denied it to keep a dying man from dying. An hour later, in a moment of quiet, I leaned towards his ear, whispered I loved him and said, "It's okay dad, you did your job here, you can go if you want to now". I didn't think he would hear me, as they had said he only had a few hours left and was very sedated now. Well, he opened his eyes, looked at my hand holding his hand and replied, "you don't think I listen to much of your AA stuff, but I did, and you are right son, sometimes we just have to Let Go and Let God." His eyes were still looking at our hands. Those were his last words. I released his hand and sat quietly with him. He passed about 30 minutes later. Leaving the hospital, walking through a long corridor of it to get to the parking lot, carrying his personal belongings he had with him in a bag, was probably the longest walk in my life. Almost surreal.
He was a man I had run from at the age of 12, not to be seen again for over 20 years. When he left this earth, he had been my dad and we had become very best friends for the past 4-5 years. God had healed all the wounds in and between us. He still lives, in my memories with fondness.
And then I returned to my mother and siblings, with dads stuff in tow to give the news... and the family dysfunction was wide open. It was literally unbelievable! I kept thinking... "Dad is the lucky one in this situation"
The next day, as they were bickering and debating who would get what of his stuff... I retreated to his work shop in the basement with a canvas and some acrylic paints and painted a picture, one that is symbolic of my releasing him, and his moving from the darkness of this world into the light of the spirit.
John
Here is a picture I took of what I painted that day, almost 20 years ago.
Your dad and my dad are together, watching us... and smiling.
Oh, John. Crying now. We share our fathers' final moments in common. I don't know what the future holds in relationship to my sibs - Mom died of cancer several years ago - so its only us now. What I do know is that Dad and I were together sharing an experience that I will always remember as I picture his face and the last words I said to him: "Go with God, Daddy." Your picture brings me comfort, John. My Dad was the one man in my life who was always there for me. I apologized to him last Sunday for anything I had done to worry him or hurt him in our relationship. He waved my apology away. I told him why he'd always been my hero - primarily because he was always there for me when he didn't have a Dad who did that for him. His words to me were these: "You are MINE! I wanted to be there with you." The same words God speaks to us. Tears flowing now and they need to be. Thank you, brother. (((J)))
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 17th of March 2014 07:00:26 PM
I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad, Grateful2be. I'm so glad you were with him at the time of his passing, and that you have been able to get through the family dynamics. I hope that continues for the next few days for you.
