The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
thank you for the PM. i am not able to reply though as i always get an error message. i can receive the PMs though.and would love to e chat with you. if you are able, send me an email through pm and i will correspond with you via email. otherwise thank you. a kindred spirit you may be and our profession itself makes this life choice that more complicated, does it not. i know im a fixer by nature, compassionant to others to the core and deeply loyal. . hence married to this struggle. . sound familiar? thanks again for reaching out to me.
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
TOC: I was going to send you a PM, too. Can you receive them right now?
Actually, I'll just put it out there since everyone else has responded to your last post so candidly. You know that you and I are in similar situations. I have not been intimate with my AH for almost 2 years now, mainly because I don't respect him. I was faking it for years and he even knew it. I think we both knew it deep down. He is extremely angry about me removing myself from that level of intimacy in our marriage. But, I felt that I had to do it save myself. There just came a point where I couldn't respect myself anymore if I continued to put myself out there sexually and feel that there was no real intimate connection for us.
Anyway, I honestly just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Therapy has helped me more than Al Anon when it comes to this issue mainly because it goes deeper than just dealing with an alcoholic and had to do with my own past and sexual abuse from my past, as well. I had to face a lot of demons that I was carrying around and didn't even realize it.
You are at a very uncomfortable place in your journey. It's OK, really it is and it will be in the future. Things will not always be this way for you. I had to cling to that thought and cry my way through it for a long time, and sometimes I still do grieve what 'was'. Please keep pushing forward. Take breaks when you need to, take the time to feel what you need to feel, and then work your own healing in a way that is helpful for YOU, not for anybody else but YOU. I believe in you and all of those here who are struggling. HUGS!
you all are my rocks at the moment. sadly for some odd reason, i can receive PMs but not send or reply. i dont share my email publically but will if you send me yours through a PM. thank you for your heartfelt understanding. ive been crazy these past twoo weeks. yiu have seen me through. . i will re read these responses often whole in crazy anxioys mode. <3
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Living with alcoholism is too much for most of us, I really like that part of the preamble or is it the closing ? , its so true. It drove me crazy too and I never even knew it. The craziness lessens the more you reach out so your on the right track.
This forum is amazing because where else can you go where the people know exactly where your coming from. The replys you get are like no others because 'normal people' will offer you sympathy and their own definition of your problem, the usual responses are well I would just leave him. Not that helpful or understanding but also easier to dismiss. Then you talk to alanon people and they really, really know what your talking about and the responses can touch a nerve because they are so spot on but its not comfortable or forgettable. It challenges our thinking, doesnt encourage or enable the sick thinking. No sympathy here, compassion though. It comes from the fact that through being challenged on our old thinking we all got a much better way of thinking and we got happier, calmer, grateful and to keep it we need to give it away. Stick with us, keep your open mind, know that we were there and now things are better and they will get better for you too.x
That read like the best thank you I've ever heard....If you have a Just For Today pamphlet or book mark look at the start of the prayer on the back of it. When I read that opening, "Lord make me an instrument..." I understand the prayer because that is what this fellowship is for me...An instrument of HP's peace. ((((hugs))))
I don't know if I can convey what I want to say here. It is the who I am in any difficult situation that is most important, and the discovery of who I am may not have occurred to the depth that it has without the path I walked, my partnership with my HP and al anon. It is true, that my hardwiring contains my own addiction of co-dependency, however, I have learned to make the choices that are best for me. I often fail miserably, but now I KNOW my choices through my awareness. This is empowerment and it is available to you and all of us. I recognize the victim when it surfaces to try and manage my life and I say no thank you; HP and I have this. I may wallow a bit, but not for long. So, yes life can be difficult and we can be ecstatic despite the difficulties...that is the gift that recovery can give us.
<3
