i guess i am the odd ball in the recovery scene.......The word "love" is used a lot in the course of recovery relating....but what IS love really??? and isn't that a choice??? Based  on experience???.....and isn't it born out of another's being more of a blessing then a curse???  I mean shouldn't the positive side of the ledger when assessing out weight the negative side???? 

do i love folks who are just unlovable??? No and I don't want to change that b/c that is my right and honest feelings....do i love life and living creatures??? yes....as to the folks who are not on my "love list"  i can lift them in prayer for HP to lead them to love, but thats about it.....2 me, those words   "I love you" were soo abused growing up, they have now become sacrosanct to me now that i am in recovery and i have a choice.....I just don't say i love someone unless I CAN or DO love them....the others I can be fond of, or like a lot,  but the actual word "LOVE"  is sacred to me....I see it thrown around so much and oh yea, find myself in need and all those "i love you's" that are thrown at me mean nothing as they turn their back on me when all I need is some comfort or a hug

LOVE is action...its a true feeling from the heart, based on time, experiences with someone, and the building of healthy memories and of course trust......

I don't know many of you....wouldn't know your faces if i saw you but I love the spirit of this family group,  the honesty and openess and the KINDNESS we show towards one another

love grows in my heart out of consistent "good fruit" on the part of the other....words never meant much to me unless the actions of the person back up those words....

i guess this goes back to those whose body creator used to create me saying "i love you" and then turning right around and smashing me down in some way.......

there are folks I love, like, tolerate,avoid at all costs, and on the bottom, want to put out of their misery and clean up mother earth , i guess that would be the lowest rung on the ladder...

i am a peace advocate, but bring harm to me and I am as bad as grabbing a wild cat by the ass....ya don't want to do it....I live and let live...I cautiously am willing to form friendships, but that happens over time and repetitive good , safe experiences......

Let creator love the unlovables...the predators, the cheats, liars, abusers, users, shallow well folks who take up air and give nothing to the universe....let them go to creator for love b/c creator made them...I did not....

I am working on loving me as much as I do the people whom i call family, friends.......I try to give good representation of creator by setting a good example.....I fight for the rights of children, animals, the elderly and disabled.....I try to be a blessing in my little world and it STARTS WITH ME for ME.........

as to compassion, yes, I have it and feel it when it is appropriate.....do i feel empathy for folks who give only suffering and misery??? No!!! I turn them over to Creator as I lock them out of my space.....

this former sister whom i totally disowned....I can feel some pity for her b/c she is about as spiritually bankrupt as one can be...(I know..working her inventory, but indulge me for a moment).....she spouts all her bible,  goes to church, the "christian 9 yards"  yet she steals, uses, abuses, has NO empathy for folks like me and what we have suffered, yet she whines poor me re: her cancer...well other folks have diseases just as bad, lady, you are not the only one dealing with a horrible disease....I have a loving friend who has MS and its slowly killing her....and she is not pulling the "MS" card to get people to do for her........this former sister , i can and did let go the hate not b/c I am in anyway a saint, but b/c she just is not worth my energy.....in fact, truth is, I only think about these undesirable bio relatives when I am working my recovery and i have discovered within me that it is "OK" to find someone NOT of my taste and NOT a match for me and NOT desirable in anyway as to being in my life at all.....

I also dislike asparagus and brussel sprouts and noone seems to care about that.....so its OK to just NOT want someone b/c they turn me completely off

JUST sayin out loud some thoughts.....

I do love the souls on this MIP community, be it ACA or Alanon all of you who share your hearts and help me in my journey, you, my fellow travelors may not be physically a part of my life, but i come here, read the posts and I see bravery and honesty and even for me, who is a "visual and tactical" person who has trouble bonding w/folks I cannot see, smell, hear, touch, feel,  I can care about you, still, as spirits who impact my life in such a positive way through your posts and responses to me, I do care about  your hurts and struggles and slips and all the not so cool things we go through in our recovery journey......

Again, JUST sayin.......

Also....NO....You did not get rid of me...I may not be really "alanon"  but I am in recovery and I wanted to stop by and let you all know that I am "ok"..Just working a very very intense step 4 and WOW..Learning a lot of the "how" I got the way I did and this book covers the exercises and practices I can utilize to perhaps manage or even heal the things my inner child had to do to survive....so this step 4 is perhaps my hardest,but OH so informative...

My sponsor is quite ill, but HP led me to a gal on the other board who has similar history to mine and we are plowing through the steps together.....Sponsor should be "ok"  but needs a bit of quiet for a while......

Anyway, just wanted to stop by ...You all have a good evening....