Major life changes need encouragement - Al-Anon Family Group

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Major life changes need encouragement

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

What you are feeling honey is very normal. When one goes thru so many changes, and leaves what is familiar, it takes a long time for things to be comfortable.

Things will start feeling in their place when they do. for example your tooth brushes are in a different place, your home is, your food and towels and cloths and everything are in an unfamiliar place. All those things are huge changes all at once.

Plus you lost the hope of a marriage that at one time there was surely love. that hurts! I always say it is an open wound. So go easy on yourself. It took courage and a lot of energy to move on with the kiddos. I am so glad you have a good job. Many leave with nothing but hope and faith!

It is true al anon pushes one day at a time. Do what you can and have to do in ONE day, and then rest, watch a movie, play board games with kids. It's fun to do new traditions everyone cooks one night, game night,nothing night.

as far as the house, him losing job, in one day do what you can about it, if you can do nothing you cannot so let it go.

If you can't make a decision, that is your decision. you are not ready to make one yet. if you don't know what to do, you don't. its ok. you will again.

Go easy on yourself always, the world is so darn hard, its ok to not be in a hurry like so many are, what are they hurrying to anyway?

I was a widow, my kids daddy was killed in an accident walking,very drunk. So we went on day trips on week ends, simple things we liked to do. We went camping in campsites so we were safe, hiked all over the place took our dogs everywhere. To bond with the kids listening to them, giving them a peaceful, healthy life is so important as is routine.

I promise as you guys get a routine, do fun things, get used to where things are that space will fill up.Plus you gave your kids and you a HUGE gift, you taught all of you there is a better way of life, made a change. I am impressed!

you are doing great! please keep coming.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear NewlifeGirl

Thank you for sharing with such clarity and honesty. I am glad you have a sponsor and are attending alanon meetings. I found that I must have been addicted to the chaos and drama of my alcoholic marriage because when anyone talked about serenity my immediate thought was: " Who wants Serenity? It sounds boring "That was my disease in full force. When I finally worked the program and felt serenity for the first time, I was astounded at the wonderful feeling and saw what a treasure it truly was.

Keep using the tools, work the Steps and know that the program is a process and many times we need to walk through painful feelings in order to recover. .

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you debbielyn and hot rod. I think I have been addicted to the drama. So sad. I am so thankful for al anon! I will keep coming back.

tortuga · Senior Member

Hello Newlife girl and welcome. I have not been with my A for so long as you have been with your husband. But I can relate to what you are describing. the emptiness after a life change like this. Yes, the drama was gone for me too, and now I had all that time to myself, and I even had time to think and feel the events of the past, which I didn't while I was in full turmoil. Alcohol and it's effects didn't give me room to feel all those feelings, nor the time. My focus had switched so much to the A, and his moods and his issues, that I completely had lost myself. the unfamiliar spare time felt scary at first. But then I started filling up, while working the program, and now I enjoy slowly my time, taking care of me, learning how to love my self, forgive myself, doing all the healing from childhood tooand honestly this takes time.
You are doing a great job for yourself and for your kids, really. For the devastation in a little soul while living around alcoholism is huge, if I only look at myself. Take all the time you need to heal, and slowly come back to yourself and the pleasures of life ..there are many. I am so happy that you had the strength to decide what's best for you. but take your time to mourn, because there has been love also, and saying goodbye is never easy.
keep coming back here and share your journey, it's inspiring!
hugs

Muffindog72 · Member

Your story is very inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Newgirl - amazing strength and great program work. Be kind to yourself though. You say there is "no more drama" because of AH. I say the drama is still there and there's some new drama just because of the major changes you are making at once. I know the feeling. It's scary, exhilarating, and sad (to leave him behind). Don't stress so hard focusing on "keeping it together" as the single mom. Try and find sitters now and then. Do fun stuff that nurtures your spirit and acknowledge that, while you may have gone through the hardest part, this part isn't that easy either. Easy does it.

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks everyone.

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