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My partner has a nitrous addiction so bad that I think you could write a case study about him. He's done about 5 boxes of 24 whippets a day for the last ten years. Some days he binges and does 15 boxes, which takes 12 hours of him sitting at a coffee table and staring at a TV set, some days he "only" does three boxes. He also drinks about 6 beers while doing this, but again, sometimes he binges on that too and drinks 12 beers.
I've taken online tests about his behavior but they all seem to use him missing work or running out of money as a measure of how bad his addiction is. He has a job where he can work from home a couple days a week, otherwise, he cooks dinner and goes straight to the N20. He falls to sleep/passes out around midnight, then goes to bed all grumpy and unhappy. He's had the same six figure salary job for 15 years and a Masters in engineering. If you met him on the street you'd have no idea he had this issue, though he did put on 50 lbs in the last 5 years, mainly from not exercising any more.
Is there any hope for him quitting? I try to get him to switch to pot but he wants nothing to do with it. Meanwhile, I don't do any drugs or alcohol at all. We've been together for 15 years, this only became a problem in the last ten.
I'm not stuck in this situation, we both have money. Lack of money isn't the issue, I think too *much* money is. Sometimes I wish we worked at Home Depot for $12 an hour. We'd be happier. He'd think about spending $12 for a box of nitrous is he had to work an hour for it.
I want to believe there is some hope for him stopping. The stuff seems to make him miserable.
Thanks everyone for listening.
-- Edited by Elswig on Tuesday 11th of March 2014 12:37:29 AM
-- Edited by Elswig on Tuesday 11th of March 2014 12:47:39 AM
I don't have experience with that. My husband just abused alcohol but I think the al anon principles are the same regardless of the substance. Don't be fooled into the fact that he holds a good job. I fell into that way of thinking that he was functioning well in many ways in spite of his alcohol issue. This problem is progressive and without an awakening, he will get worse and won't be able to function in time. A question that really got me thinking was if he is the same in 5 years, is that enough for you and what you want for your life. I encourage you to read up here and learn about the al anon philosophies and start to take care of you. It's eye opening and sanity saving no matter what you decide to do.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
Hi Elswig, welcome to MIP! It sounds like there is an addiction problem going on, both to nitrous and to alcohol. His isolation will feed this thing, if he is able to work at home, and otherwise be intoxicated, he has no reason to quit. In my experience, if an addict has no reason to quite, he won't.
Not knowing much about it, I would think his brain would be blown out by now doing this. Certainly his perception of reality can't be normal, even when sober. I've only been under nitrous once, and my reality was definitely very skewed.
In Al Anon, we take the emphasis off the addict, and put it on us. How has this affected you? Are you tired of trying to get him to quit? Have you given up? Is your perception of reality skewed? Have you covered up for him by turning down invitations or coming home from work early to make sure he was OK, or hadn't burned the house down? These are all reason why I joined Al Anon. I now have most of my peace back. I say most because I am still working on it, we realize it is always a work in progress to find our serenity.
I hope you can find your serenity. Check out Al Anon face to face meetings, or go to the chat room and talk with a live person, or go to an online meeting. Or just keep reading around here, and see what everybody else has had to say on the subject.
Thanks a lot for both responses, guys. I can't believe he hasn't done more damage than he has as well, but sometimes I think his lungs would go before his mind. I mean, that stuff isn't medical grade, it's little dime-store whippets. Freezing cold air and god only know what particulates blasting into his lungs for hours and hours on end, going on a decade now, can't be good.
I doesn't seem to be a physical addiction. We went to Australia for three weeks and he was totally fine without it. As soon as we got back, though, it's like he was trying to make up for lost time.
It affects my life in that I think about what we could be doing instead while's doing that stuff. He'd be a master piano player if he spent half as much time practicing as he does doing nitrous. As it is, he's just pretty good.
The money, wow, I try not to think about it. He's spent $165k in the last decade. :/
He drives an old Audi because he says he "doesn't want a new car." But then goes and spends the equivalent of two nice car payments a month on the stuff.
This whole thing has given me a new perspective, though I think in horror about the way we teased a kid with an alcoholic father in middle school. Horrible home life, horrible school life. :(
I don't think there is a person on here that hasn't lost someone close to an addition. I worry it's going to be him next.
That does sound like "addiction" full on Elswig...He's been at it for a long time. Its gotten worse and its progressing. It doesn't have to be alcohol to affect another persons life negatively like it is doing yours. I also suggest the Al-Anon family groups even if it isn't alcohol addiction. The 12step spiritual based recovery program create miracles. Keep coming back here and watch the ones that are grown on line. Welcome to the board. (((((hugs)))))
