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Hello fellow alanoners, I was not able to share in the morning chat meeting because I am at work. I needed to. I am struggling again. My co worker came in this morning and started in on me. I need some program help. When I start to ask a question, she does not listen, interrupts and answers with a totally different subject. I ended up having to raise my voice to get my point across. This has happened many times and I have only been here two hours. She does not do this to my boss. I am wondering just out of curiousity if it is a "control issue". I am not sure but I sure do need some support this morning. Luckily, this is a short day for me, I have to leave early to take care of a personal issue.
Sorry robinks. I mostly monopolized the meeting this morning with my pity party. It sounds as though she is being controlling and asserting her authority by not letting you get a word in edge wise. My boss does this too me. He is always right and he never wants to hear anything else. I find that just ignoring him and going inside my head helps while he goes on and on about the same old thing. He will even ask me a question ABOUT ME and then not wait for an answer. It's passive aggressive really. And mostly fake. Often it sends me over the edge. Lately I find myself just saying ok and nodding and not offering much else unless he ask me a direct question. It's not worth my serenity here at work. Now if only I could apply that thinking to my romantic relationship. Oy vey!
Sometimes we wear out "enabling personality" out front and those that need to try to dress us with their issues, insane as they maybe, will try. Betcha shes got stuff from "out there" that she's bringing to work and to you because you look like you can "handle it". I've had that happen and almost always when I get interested ask the question "what is REALLY going on with you...this isn't about me". Then I shut up and attempt to listen while I handle my own life. Of course its about power and control...Her stuff is the largest problem she's got and in her world. Good for you on the practice of "Say what you mean, mean what you say and don't say it mean".
It does also depend on what side you are showing, your recovery or pre-recovery, maybe she doesn't need a Dr. Phil but she enjoys a good buttonpush. My AW, who is also an ACOA, once asked why her coworkers were always pushing her buttons, one of the coworkers said "There's this big red button in the middle of your face, and it says 'push me', so why wouldn't I push it?"
Do you have any buttons showing? Some people are addicted to pushing those buttons, and can see them a mile off.
Kenny - I love that "big red button" thing. These were work related conversations. She chooses to not listen to what I am saying. The time is going to come when I have to stand up for myself, this co worker has been doing this to me for five months, she does not do it to others. I am really thinking its another lesson in standing up for myself.
I guess I need to explain the conversation a little better and yes I believe it's about button pushing.
I arrived at the office early was the first one there. I listened to a voice mail message. It was from Chase.
When the co worker arrived I told her Chase called, that is all I got out of my mouth. She immediately started talking over me about something totally unrelated, it had to do with another co worker and an update that was totally unrelated. There were several other incidents similar to this. The last incident involved me raising my voice. This is just one example of many many conversations like this.
I have tried just ignoring her, not discussing business with her. But it is a very small office of three people, I eventually have to discuss business with her.
((((mercedes))))) after I had been in Al-Anon recovery for a while and learned about being responsible for me and my consequences I also learned how to "set up" or "choose" how events went for me. I found my voice and in situations where often I allowed myself to be victimized I would ask up front what the other persons intentions were with interaction with/to me. Often I would get a "huh? Like what kind of question is that"? and still the question was asked..."How are you planning to act with me. Tell me now because I also have my choices". The other person needed to know up front..."I've given up being walked on and abused. I don't do that anymore so decide now how you're gonna act". I didn't worry about how they took that and I didn't want to be crapped on ever again. I still will from time to time ask that question and have found that I have practiced it soooo often that most people now don't get offended and act like, "Oh sure, I'll be polite and caring". Often times we have to set the process up...often like boundary making. ((((hugs))))
