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good morning, so what is this roller coaster in on all of the time. . oh, it life wirh an alcohilic. last week i was ready to scream from the roof tops " im done". . for two weeks he has been out more than in, drunk more than sober. . this morning i wake up . . hes not home. .granted i was given heads up that this might be the case . which at least helps, and its the weekend so i dont wrk the next day, but today, im not caring. im planning around him hoping hes gone all day frankly and then, well it will be monday. the anxiety will slowly creep back in and i wil get upset and want to leave. i will be angry that my child is exposed to this and exhausted from worry and late nite anger bches not home, . this rollercoaster ride baffles me as much asthe disease. there are days i am "ok" and lulled into staying. there are days im raging angry and wish ill on every person in his circle and him too, that drinks. on those days i want to run far and fast. tiday ok. tomorrow, who onows. thanks for listening.
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Hi, Theo: I understand that roller coaster ride on a feeling level, too. One of the things that truly helped me over and over again was re-reading the Merry-Go-Round Named Denial brochure until I could "get it" with both my head and my heart. Al-Anon fellowship, devoting myself to being with people that I enjoyed who enjoyed me and accepting my contribution to the reality of my life in relationship to the A and taking new action steps was a life saver for me. If you don't have that brochure, I highly recommend finding one at a local meeting or checking out the Al-Anon WSO to see if you can download it or order it to have on hand especially at night when there are significantly more opportunities for "stinkin' thinkin'" to come in and turn a quiet and relaxing evening into a storm of resentments and fears.
Have you ever consulted with an attorney about custody? Someone who knows the law and isn't emotionally involved could give you lots of insight. It seems like that is your reason for putting yourself through all of this. I know you are worried about having to share her with him and not be there to protect her but he may not even want the responsibility. He doesn't strike me as being too into fatherhood.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
to wornout, yup. i should hve the consult but im paralyzed to even make the call. hes not into fatherhood as you say but. . .he wants to be. . i know that counts for little but i guess its what i cling to. cling. what a word when one is describing marriage. im afraid hed get what he wants in court and he wont fight fair or reasonably no matter what. my problem has alays been that if we divirce we are still connected and always will be due to our daughter. . if i divorce i want no connection and thats not possible with a child in the mix. but youre right.
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
I have been on the roller coaster for many years in the past.
In reality you get to decide if you want to ride it, because being the spouse of an alcoholic is a difficult path and one that is hard to get away from, especially with a child involved.
It is the hardest thing you will have to do but do it you must ..... Stick to your own lane and your own recovery. Discover what you can do for your own life and happiness.
When times are the toughest that's when more face to face meetings come in and the closer to get to a sponsor.
