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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> OK. I admit it. I am as sick as he is.
Post Info TOPIC: OK. I admit it. I am as sick as he is.
Diva


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OK. I admit it. I am as sick as he is.
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About two months ago, my A, with whom I no longer live, was helicoptered to Philadelphia for surgery.  According to what he told me (I did not accompany him) he was told here locally that he might not make the 32 minute flight alive.  He was asked if he wanted to be resuscitated, a question to which he answered, "No."  Well he made it all right.  Seems as though these falling down drunks have a way of "making it."  It has been a long struggle for him, and yes, I have helped in some ways during his recuperation.  But mostly he's on his own with this as the problem was  exacerbated by his binge boozing, and I will not longer deal with that or with the effects thereof.  But wait..that's not true.

Since his surgery, I find myself phoning him every morning to see if he is "all right."  He's a nasty, foul-mouthed drunk who blames me for all the problems he ever had in his life, but still I worry.  I tell myself I am worried about whether he can care for his two sweet kitties that I love so much, and that is true.  But I could go to his place, rescue the cats, and be done with it.

I have tolerated 13 years of his binge drinking and verbal abuse. Nothing in the way of physical abuse has ever happened.  But when you meet this gentle British man who stole my heart so many years ago, you would not believe what he becomes when he drinks.  He hates my grown children and baby grandchild obviously because he is jealous of my relationship with them.  His  children have long since disowned him.  He claims not to know why.  Yeah, right!!

I will remind those of you who are not familiar with me that until we had been together and married over two years, I had no idea he had a problem with alcohol.  He didn't tell me, and since I am and have always been a teetotaler, I assumed he was too.  YIKES!   I divorced him in 2005 in order to protect myself and my assets.  Over the years I have been adversely affected both mentally and physically by his fast and loose playing with my emotions.  About eight years ago had a complete mental and physical breakdown which included a cardiomyopathy.

Why can I not just walk away once and for all?  I've given it every thing I have.  There is no more of me to give.   I know what AlAnon says.  Seems it is just not working for me.

Diva

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



-- Edited by Diva on Sunday 9th of March 2014 08:43:46 AM

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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
grateful2be


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(((Diva))) When we know better, we get better. Al-Anon helps us make the changes that are necessary for our increasingly possible/growing good health and serenity.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
SerenityRUS


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I think for me I had to accept that I was addicted to the drama and the addict. It is a hard pattern to break .. even though things have slowed in the drama department .. I can get hooked in so sang easily and I get frustrated with myself for knowing better as doing the same dang thing. I didn't get here overnight and even when I make progress I still stumble and feel like I'm at square one. For me I still grapple with control .. and thinking this time .. this time it will be different and feeling slapped that it's still the same dance. Hugs YANA S:)

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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
wornoutmrsfixit


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Because you are a caring person. Hot Rod mentioned on here how her thinking had become so distorted at one time that she had begun to think of that as a weakness but it's not. It's a great quality as long as we are not being taken advantage of. In my opinion, you can be there for him but stay in the life you've built without him and remain detached and emotionally uninvolved. If you can't do that, run and protect yourself first.

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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
el-cee


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I realised that I was also sick and the symptoms I had were difficult to face , like playing the martyr, I got lots out of feeling needed and being the one who had to help and fix, it suited me on some level. My confidence was very low and being the together one boosted my ego. Another syptom I had was the need to be in control and its easy to be in control with an alcoholic, they will let you do everything for them. I came to see that it was all about me really. I was seeking unhealthy ways to feel good about myself, I had to own up to my part.  Thanks to alanon I can see when im doing for others through fear or through getting my ego fix. Its not easy getting the balance right, having loving contact that has good motives can change qui kly for me so I am on guard where the alcohlocs in my life are concerned.x



-- Edited by el-cee on Sunday 9th of March 2014 12:34:52 PM

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hotrod


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Hi Diva I missed your wisdom, humor and common sense. It was lovely to see your log on avatar this morning when I signed on. I do so understand your dilemma. You do have a warm and loving heart and have taken many precautions to protect yourself and your assets, it may just be as wornoutmrsfixit states that  you are a kind and loving person.  Itis  perfectly all right to connect with him as long as you cannot be harmed. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

Please keep coming back



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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Breakingfree


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I too have trouble detaching from my exAH and hate that I have to hurt him to save myself and my children in the future, but I have had enough of the same stuff. Sending you love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Debilyn


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Dear one, been a long time! You did not give me the name your facebook is under. was the wrong one...hint.

Well least you admit where you are with dealing with A. It was hard for me to let go of my ex ah too. Was horrible.

Again the only way I could do it was thinking about how the person he turned into is NOT the man I loved. That man is dead. Then when I reached for the phone, or thought about going to him I stopped. told myself that beautiful man is dead.

As is your wonderful English man.He is gone, robbed from you.

I would go get his cats before they die.That is me.

It takes so much energy to give what you have given him all these years. I hope you find some peace dear lady!

Debilyn



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