Alcoholic Mum making things up... - Al-Anon Family Group

redred · Member

Alcoholic Mum making things up...

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Of course you miss her! It's very much up to you if you choose to see her or not. Its honestly a nightmare when a loved one is not them anymore.

When my Mothers breast cancer was killing her, when she started forgetting stuff or not seeing stuff, ugh it was like a knife in my heart. She was always the sweetest, kindest person. Was very hard.

If you can push away the bad stuff and put in the good. You do what you need to do and never have regrets!

redred · Member

Thank you Debilyn,

I have been trying that for a while, to visit and be really positive. I think she took me by surprise yesterday as it has been a while since she was so cruel. I think I was too relaxed. I have a big family function tomorrow that she feels she is too sick to attend, so that may explain the aggression.

Now I am worried that she (or my brother with similar problems) will make a scene...

Right I will not let this affect the day. Loads of people have a lot more to deal with. Its really sad after an attack. I keep singing that song "Titanium" to myself. Cheers me up and makes me laugh. "I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away, fire away...."

Onwards and upwards. Thank you for replying. Today is full of infinite possibilities, I will make it great....

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Her mind is sick and won't make sense, but I am glad you could still do something nice for her. Al-anon has helped me cope immensely with face to face meetings, MIP, my sponsor and reading lots of al-anon literature. Keep taking care of you!

redred · Member

Thank you so much

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

(((REDRED)))

Ive Been in those Shoes before... My Father was My Qualifier when I First Landed here! I Lost him to the Disease at 58... Sad Really, He was So Much Fun, Loved to Laugh, Loved Many things over my 35 yrs with him... But Alcohol Always Won! He had (5) Kids, and when he Died, I was the Only one that would Visit him, or speak to him really... He would BEG Me for Booze, BEG me to buy him Smokes, "He Knew what My Answer Would be", But Everytime I Told him No, thats Not my Job... I was a No Good "Everything" until he needed me again... But I Will say, Looking back... I don't regret a Bit of it! I had My Boundry's and its true... If they want to drink They are Going to Drink... Because the Day he was Found, there was 11 Empty Vodka Bottles, that I didn't Buy.. But he still Managed to get! Yet Couldn't Leave the House!

This disease is a Horrible one, It Eats from the inside Out and Continues to Spread untill Someone Breaks the Cycle, and Hopefully Finds Recovery... But I Will Say, I Can Now Remember the Good times, and the Person he Once Was, the piggy back rides around the living room, the walks we took when I was little, the Hugs he Gave everytime I Left, like it was the Last time! and Yes when he was Alive there was times he Drove me Insane, but i Learned that if I Walked Away in the middle of His Tantrum or belitting, The Next time I visited... He wasn't so Quick to Judge or Accuse! It Didn't work all the time, but if Made some the Visit Quite Nice, better then All Bummers :) And when I Walked out, I Just Kindly said ... "Dad I Love ya & I'll See you soon, hope your day gets better" and i would "Vote with My Feet"... So I didn't have to Engage or Stir the pot, or Even Explain... I just gave myself an Exit...

Do what your Gut tells you to do, Know one can make that choice but you! Even if its Hard, you will feel better that you took care of you...

Glad you are here to share your Story, you would be Amazed at the people that can relate, and be lifted as you travel this journey made only for you ;) KEEP COMING BACK....

Friends in Reocovery

Jozie

redred · Member

Thank you Jozie,

I really appreciate you writing to me and telling me your story. You are amazing.

I am trying to visit every day and be positive and only tell her about good things. Its really sad she still won't admit that her drinking is the cause of her sickness. At the moment she has advances ascites/losing weight rapidly/still hiding drink/can hardly walk/is very shaky but she still likes to blame her symptoms on her medication or not eating. She thinks the only reason she is classed as an alcoholic is because she once told a DR how much she drank.

Woke up early this morning stressing about it all (not a natural mode for me I can be irritating cheery a lot of the time). I have printed yet more stuff off the internet to try and explain her symptoms of late stage cirrhosis once again. I am the only one in my family that does this, I have two older brothers, therefore I am the one she falls out with. I am cold, not the daughter I used to be (which is apparently mainly my husbands fault).

I have no idea how long she has left but I am going to try again. My Dad has cancer and is her primary carer but often I fear he feels unable to stop her getting drink. He finds it hard to deal with aggression when he refuses to get some. So he buys it sometimes in the hope it will stop her buying stronger stuff...... Sometimes I get angry with him for giving in but mostly I just feel sad and more sorry for him than I can say. The things he has done in his life are truly amazing, the successes he had, the charity work, the countries he visited, the languages he taught himself. I know of no one that has had such array of life experiences. BUT my mum seems to be his kryptonite he cannot stand up to her for long.

They could be having such a wonderful retirement together. It seems such a waste of a life (or maybe two).

I really appreciate the support that I have received from you all. Thank you, take care of yourself.

Friends in recovery, red red

redred · Member

Hi I only seem to go online when things are bad BUT today was a REALLY GOOD DAY regarding my Mum.

We went to the Dr and had a great visit. My Dad completely backed me up and admitted how much she has been drinking. The Dr had another very strong lecture on what drinking is doing to her body and most of her medication has been changed to try to combat the ascites. Dad has also vowed never to let drink in the house again. His have NEVER happened before. Great outcome. I know it maybe too late but I feel as if now I have done everything I can to help her. To quit or not to quit is now up to her (I suppose it always was) but it will be a lot harder for her to get it now.

Anyway taking today as a victory. Will hopefully sleep better tonight.

Woo hoo.

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