The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The rehab where my AH is at.... has suggested he go into a 1/2 way sober living house. Does anyone have experience with this system? I have told my AH that I will not allow him to live back with the family because he relapsed so quickly after his last attempt at recovery (3 days after rehab release). He has 2 weeks left and I feel the time is going very fast before he is out. He does sound like he is focused this time around (my therapist says he may just know all the lingo by now...)
Just a confusing time, but I have made up my mind about him NOT coming home, I just don't know how I will enforce it---I still have no trust in him, once he is free to wander and seek out liquor stores.
__________________
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. (Dr. Suess)
Jillybean, a halfway house sound like a great living solution for your spouse. If he's willing to move into this environment and abide by their rules, it is certainly another step towards recovery.
As you know there are no guarantees and being powerless over people places and things it is very important to keep takinge care of yourself and maintain your boundaries. I do hope your attending meetings and working with a sponsor.
My AW didn't go to a halfway house the first time, even though it was suggested by her counselor. She wanted to get back home because she missed our son. She was pretty serious by the time she got out, went to quite a few meetings. She relapsed in probably 3 months. I honestly don't know if going to the halfway house would have helped her or not.
Second rehab, she didn't go to halfway house, but it wasn't suggested, and I feel much better. Here is the difference this time: she has a strong sponsor and with her help has developed a strong network outside of rehab. She now has 5 people she can call anytime whenever she feels RID setting in. She also has meetings with lots of people she knows.
Now that this has happened, to me it was the best of circumstances. Having a local rehab with strong people has made all the difference. They took her to 2 meetings a day, at probably 6 different locations.
Is the rehab looking for a halfway house local to you, or in FL? To me, going away for rehab is just taking a vacation, as you said, once they are back they have all the same triggers going. I hope that the rehab he is at has made him understand that building his support network and finding a sponsor ASAP after return is of primary importance. And if he can enter a local halfway house, he can build that network without disrupting your life so much. And build some confidence to get back out into the real world.
I must also say, my Al Anon participation is a huge help to both of us. I have become so much more self aware, and many of the behaviors that I have had that were triggers to her I am working hard to eliminate. Not saying it's my fault if she drinks, but there have been problems in our relationship for a long time, and when those problems surface, it puts that much more pressure on our weaknesses. Hers weakness is drinking, my weakness is withdrawing.
I can't blame you for having no trust in him given the circumstances. I was fortunate on that one - AW was picked up on second DUI, and has no license, and is required to do remote breath monitoring 4x per day. If she relapses, a deputy sheriff will enforce boundaries, not me. It does seem like giving him more time with people in recovery would be a good thing. And give you some time to get to more meetings and keep your boundaries strong and your expectations tempered.
Peace Kenny
-- Edited by KennyFenderjazz on Friday 7th of March 2014 12:19:20 PM
I think you should make the decision based on you , not him or his recovery. Whether its a good idea for him or not is not really the point. His recovery is his to manage and yours is yours. What do you want? what is good for you? do you need more time alone to work on your own recovery? Keep your motives true to you. If you decide he shouldn't come home because of you and whats good for you then your reasons are true. When we start thinking of what will be the best option for him then we are playing God, we cant know and decisions based on this thinking usually backfire.x
