Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> So greatful that I don't ignore my red flags anymore.....
Post Info TOPIC: So greatful that I don't ignore my red flags anymore.....
Breakingfree


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3972
Date:
So greatful that I don't ignore my red flags anymore.....
Permalink  

So I have had a guy friend for over 13 years and he has wanted to date me when we were both single. I have kept him at bay, because he is a good friend and I have never wanted to ruin what we have. I met him while I was with my exAH and we worked together, nothing romantic ever entered either of our minds back then. So now we are both single and have been for awhile and he asks me out on a date. I went and it was awesome, he was sweet, took me to a nice dinner and a movie and we laughed lots. I like that he already knows me pretty well and it seems to just flow. We went on a second date and it was nice, but he was in the dumps and had a terrible loss in his family around that time so I gave him some space. Third date he is easily frustrated, emotionally unavailable and just not in it, over dinner he is playing on his phone and at first I thought I should work harder to bring him into a better mood and get his attention. Then I became aware I was having a red flag and this was reminding me of being with my exAH and the people pleasing me wanted to work harder, instead of flowing and just being my new relaxed self. Hmmm, so after dinner I headed home and haven't hung out with him since that third date on valentines evening. We have talked several times and I am willing to keep him as a friend at this point, but I have detached a bit, just because he is still trying to date me. I am unsure if it is him or I, but I felt that the relationship was heading into a familiar unhealthy direction and maybe I am too skittish these days, but I like to think I have learned and grown. I do not know what the future holds, but I am not going to head back into a relationship where right away red flags start flying and I ignore them. I am taking my time and figuring things out and I love what my sponsor said, "When a man is the right guy when he shows you who he is, you will not have red flags and want to run." I am so thankful for al-anon, sending you all love and support on your journey's!



__________________

Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Mattie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3613
Date:
Permalink  

Way to go!  Boy do I wish I'd heeded those red flags early on.  I'd always tell myself "You're just being too picky."  Too picky turned out not to be the problem!  It sounds as if you have such great perspective on this -- and you've left yourself available for someone truly healthy to come along.



__________________
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

Good for you!! Your life is full, a relationship should add to your life not be uncomfortable. If we don't like how someone is when they are not happy, no thankyou.

When we are ok or content even if they are crabby or whatever that is very cool.

proud of you!!! If he bums out after only 3 dates...geez. there are better people out there! just like you!



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
PP


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3964
Date:
Permalink  

And this is a time when you can see that the program has oozed into your cells...way to go!



__________________

Paula
Breakingfree


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3972
Date:
Permalink  

Thank you Mattie, Deb and PP! It feels good not to dive headlong into something that does not help to grow or nurture me at this point. I used to be so self sacrificing and well that did not really work out for me. I was talking with an al-anon friend today about healthy relationships and if we know how to have them, I definitely love seeing them and am working on myself so I can eventually have one. Thanks for the ESH. Sending you all love and support!

__________________

Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Truth


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 934
Date:
Permalink  

Agreed ..... Always trust your gut.

__________________
tortuga


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 399
Date:
Permalink  

Good for you Breakingfree, your gut is never wrong! You are taking beautifully care of your needs. I also still have to learn that. Thank you for showing me the way.
I like what Debylin said. A relationship should add to our lifenot be uncomfortable!
Thanks for your share.hugs

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> So greatful that I don't ignore my red flags anymore.....