Feeling sick and wanted to check in - Al-Anon Family Group

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Feeling sick and wanted to check in

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm praying for God to open a door into a new life for you, TT. Al-Anon doesn't require that we stay in a place where we are miserable long term. Lots of prayers, encouragement and some words that have always helped me: "For I know the plans I have for you...plans to give you hope and a future..."

I was working at a job I loved until everything changed. I stayed because I didn't know where else to go or what else to do. I became more and more depressed. Then, I got very sick. I ended up going to a Prompt care Facility after work one day because I didn't want to take time off from work. I met a young doctor who asked me to describe my life which surprised me, but I did it anyway. He listened. Then, he looked directly at me and said, "When are you going to admit that your company raped you?" I was startled by the truth of what he said.

I went to work that next day following this prayer: "God, I don't know what I'm doing here anymore, but as long as I'm here, I will make the best of it and do whatever You want me to do." I did my job. I paid attention to the needs of those around me. I spent a lot of time in the bathroom as you are, praying. My depression lifted a bit. Then, one day - not long after this startling doctor's visit - I received HP'd guidance that didn't make any sense to me at all at the time, but I did it anyway.

Those directions I followed led me straight to the most fulfilling work I've had in my lifetime - a way to give back what I've received in my lifetime. Four years later that company sold out to bean counters and all the Execs, managers and remaining employees were out of a job and many had poor health. I was happy in the future I was promised.

(((TT))) Each day is a stepping stone to the door that is going to open to a new life for you. Step 11 is the way out.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 4th of March 2014 07:33:49 PM

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I love it and can relate with the punishing God to needing to put down the ACOA hammer. I recently lost a family member and with how much flights cost to get back home, taking time off of work and school exams coming up, it is just too much, I .ill not be able to make it for the memorial service. I know people will understand and not hold a grudge, but a big part of me misses the family that would be there and just to rejoice the beautiful person my Aunt was in life with them. But I am not on the pitty pot about it either, because I am living life on my terms and although I do not enjoy my job, I am slowly applying elsewhere and enjoying other aspects of my life. Keep your chin up! Sending you love and support!

-- Edited by Breakingfree on Tuesday 4th of March 2014 07:51:47 PM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Dear TT)))

Thanks for sharing your heart with such honesty. I can so understand what is going on and the feelings that you are experiencing. HP has tapped me on the shoulder and given me opportunities that are extraordinary when I look back in retrospect. I am glad your listened and were able to call your mom and connect.

I know without a doubt that the punishing God of my childhood is not the God of my understanding today . I have proof that my HP is Perfect Love, Compassion , Understanding and wisdom. My HP loves unconditionally and directs me and my life with much wisdom and love.

Remember the 11th Step: "Praying only for knowledge of His will and the Power to carry it out. Knowing that my HP will give me the courage and power to do his will sets me free

You are not alone.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

My dear friend soon as I read that I knew what was making you sick. dang it, Askem to lay you off and go on unemployment, this is NOT worth your life or serenity.

TT also I see you are in perpetual grief like I was! Experiencing one loss after another, never was able to grieve your mom then your work went gunny bags, people you loved left your workplace, and you are always on edge if you have a job or not and really don't like the changes either.

From many years of experience it finally hit me that was where I was. Decided heck with that noise. (onea my mothers,lol) told myself and tell myself this is YOUR life, what do you want to do? At first it was hard, But a couple weeks later now and I am not so shakey.

Listen to your body. I call it I have been swallowing poop far too long! Thus the nausea! We can only swallow so much of lifes crap before we are sick. We can make changes.

Makes me sad as I can still remember when you started there and you were so happy. that is a huge loss.

hugs honey I KNOW you will do your footwork and save yourself, I have faith in you big time!

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

(((TT))) Best wishes for feeling better soon!!!

Last week, my daughter, annoyed because she thought I made it up, asked me what a pity pot was... kinda deflated my desire to be on one...

This has been steadily building for a long time and, when we're not feeling well- it's much easier to fall down a rabbit hole- is that where the punishing God resides?! Attachments can run deep. Trying to make sense of a timeframe packed with life changes can sometimes keep us stuck in a cycle. Grieving from loss is not something to be rushed; the workplace compounded this complexity. Take time to heal, be sure to keep hydrated, and nourish yourself with self- love. As you know, when I'm feeling stuck, it usually means that I'm not in alignment with my HP. Maybe you'll notice an action that you can take that will lead you away from the negative workplace. (fingers crossed!)

Sending prayers for wisdom, courage, strength, and for good health.

Jill · ~*Service Worker*~

(( TT )) It's always good to hear from you. Oh how easy it is to fall into gloom when I'm not feeling good physically, so I relate to what's going on with you. It helps me SO MUCH to get sunshine on my skin. I like to imagine sunshine withering the punishing God.

You have had such a challenging work experience in this recession. I have admired how you have known you were not the cause of stress at work, keeping your focus on your own work and not falling into the drama of your co-workers. This is just a difficult economy. In a similar work situation, I was discussing my work woes with a friend while my mother was also in our car. She piped up and advised me to quit. WHAT? She had NO work experience, and she couldn't imagine putting herself in that situation. Somehow I know there was a middle ground I had to find. I had to get out of the fire - but I couldn't beggar myself. (Those were my 2 options before At-Anon.)

Thank you for the reminder about using the third step prayer.

I find it useful to imagine myself as a child I'm very fond of in real life. If she did what I'm beating myself up about and asked to be excused, I would forgive her in a heartbeat. My HP is infinitely more forgiving than I can ever be, and I know when I ask for forgiveness BOOM it's done. I don't have to ask twice. It is so liberating. If I start to feel guilty in the future, I remember I already asked and received forgiveness. It's gone.

Wishing you good health and serenity. You can get there.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Thank you for all your thoughtful responses and wisdom. I feel so appreciative and so much less alone. I actually only began feeling well today. I left work again on Friday a few hours early. Surprisingly, I got a call to interview on Friday night a little after usual business hours. I was napping when the call came and a bit groggy but scheduled it for early this week. I'll call this company and get more info. after their email comes with appointment information tomorrow. I felt a mix of validation and unease as if I would be cheating on a spouse. Funny huh... to feel such loyalty to a company who is drop kicking people out the door. Anyway, that twinge didn't last long. There's no reason to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.

((debilyn))) You're right about the toxic environment taking a toll on a person. Thank you for caring and for remembering how excited I was when I first got the job and it was a differently run company at that time. I can be grateful for that experience.

(((bud)))) You and your family are in my prayers. I related to not being in alignment with hp. I took your self love suggestion and slept in this morning, ate well and spent some time meditating. Thank you. This is the first day that I'm actually doing a little better physically.

((((hotrod))) Thank you for your your kindness and reminders about the 11th step. I also have some non CAL books that might help as well.

((((grateful))) Thank you for sharing your work story with me. You know I use to go into work and do what you suggested - just suit up, show up, do what was asked of me, detach, go home. I am going to have to continue to do that in spite of the atmosphere growing more and more agitated. I am just going to have to do my best to keep myself out of the insanity until I can get out. I sit in a highly trafficked area and the employees who are left are aggressive "I'm my own universe" type people. These are people who like to mill around and have huge empty conversations with captive audiences near my work area. There isn't much support any longer for me so I need to continue to just work as if they aren't disturbing me. Truthfully, their personalities are such that if I said anything I would then have to deal with their passive agressive behavior later. It just isn't worth it. I have my reader, I have the restroom and thankfully... the miserable cold weather has broken and I'll be able to go for a walk at lunchtime tomorrow and air out my brain LOL I know there is a much better workplace and job out there. Until then, deep breaths.

((((breakingfree))) I'm sorry you are not going to be able to celebrate your aunt's life with your family. I'm also sorry things are not better for you at your job. I agree about enjoying the other aspects of our life. I have to be mindful to not bring the misery home with me and worry. I think this is why especially now I've added some fun activities into my week to affirm that there is life after work. Thanks for the encouragement and taking time from your studies to respond. I hope your classes are going well for you. Easy does it and no ACOA hammer wink

(((Jill))) Thanks for the very helpful tool concerning forgiveness. I'll be referring back to it and using it. I also got out for the first time in a week for a three mile walk in the sun. The cold seems to have finally lifted here and I heard and saw a cardinal. Better days ahead.

-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 9th of March 2014 10:38:54 PM

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