Mourning the loss - Al-Anon Family Group

lgnutah · Senior Member

Mourning the loss

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

That hurts...I remember that on and off again switch that use to work me in my alcoholic family and relationships until in program I learned to manage the switch myself otherwise the disease was "working" me. The switch became wired into my "detachment circuits" and while program helped me to regain and increase my unconditional love for the alcoholic/addict and everyone else I held the on and off switch when it came to participating. When my "wife" was present the participation switch was fully on and when my "alcoholic/addict was present it was usually off. When she got clean and sober my wife was present...it was on. It works with all dysfunctional relationships now...worked today. Cool device. ((((hugs)))) smile

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

((( lgnutah )))

You posted on the step work post and you said you never been able to get past step one. With what you have said here you might be coming out of denial that you will never be able to convince, control, suggest or ask anything of your daughter. She's going to do what she wants to do no matter what.

Now might be the time for you to try something different. You making a few changes in what you do. Why don't you set some boundaries for yourself. Just a couple and stick by them no matter what. One boundary I set for me was to never again help my son look for a job. It was easy. Then I could listen to him and his complaining but never again did I suggest solutions because they were never taken. It was easy. Once I got the boundaries down for me then I was able to set them on him for my serenity.

It make a difference ...it really does. Small changes changes a lot one day at a time.

((( hugs )))

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

(((I))) Sometimes, we hurt. Sometimes, we laugh. Sometimes, we desire what isn't. And sometimes, we can accept what is and learn to make the best of it. Sending you lots of care and understanding, I.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Im sorry, its so sad. Letting go of all the hopes and dreams. Remember, where thsre is life there is hope, you may get her back in the future, or a wiser, more mature version.x

SpiderArcana · Senior Member

It's an unexpected grief, and I'm sorry you have to go through it. I will say that, just through my own experience, it was very necessary. I could no longer expect my AH to be an equal partner, or possibly even continue to be a be in my life at all. That would be up to him and any changes or efforts he put towards our marriage. Once I realized that, and mourned that loss, I came out feeling much stronger. Allowing myself to let go, and realizing that I didn't have to keep putting effort towards something that gave me such a pitiful return was very cathartic. Letting go let me move forward. I hope it does the same for you.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

horrible disease. Like to say something else but would have to delete myself!

I invite you to focus on the good parts. She is not her disease. I do mourn with you. So many have been lost. We can only take each day and do what we can, give ourselves our needs and a few wants.

Just started a journal again, it does help as I get out these hurtful thoughts, and sometimes come to some good conclusions.

Sending you and daugher love.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Ignutah))) Sending prayers for wisdom, strength, courage, and to feel the warm support from your HP and MIP family.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.