The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just need some extra prayers today from my MIP family .. I think I'm definitely HHALT'ing. The hormones are in deep and it's not always easy to deal with that to say the least.
This was a hard weekend and there were some high points .. just disappointed that the STBAX is being an alcoholic or at least alcoholic in thinking .. it breaks my heart for the kids. No show this weekend because he was helping his "friend" move and then to boot he's not going to see the kids in 2 weeks because he's going on a men's retreat. Now .. he only has to see those children for 2x out of the whole month and he can't even follow through on that .. it just tells me I need some things to be finalized and closed upon.
There are some very exciting things happening this week and then I have court 2x next week .. I think I'm just overwhelmed at the moment. I will post the update of what comes of it all later.
Anyway, thanks for the boost and I know how blessed I am .. I just need that extra support.
Thanks,
S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I am sorry Serenity. It is hard enough dealing with our own pain; when we throw the pain of our children into the mix it is just very very hard. Sometimes that is all I need to know and be with in the moment. When I grieve those hard truths, then I can move through it. Take good care.
I had to accept that my ex is never going to be the father that I want for my kids, ever. He is going to be unreliable, unpredictable and all the rest because thats what being an alcoholic is about really. It could be he is presenting you with the opportunity to show your program off to your children, leading by example in terms of showing them how to minimise disappointment through acceptance and expectations, showing them your compassion by letting them know that he loves them so much and wants to be a great dad and its sad that hes unable to be. Its very hard but became easier the more I practised forgiveness and my anger passed.x
I think I enable more because of the kids. I am sorry your going through this. Maybe you can help them by finding other male role models. Lots of love to you and your children.
(((SRU)))) Sending warm prayers for continued wisdom, strength, courage, and serenity. Hormones can easily set us up for that perfect storm- a good time to go extra easy on you. Keep it simple and keep on keeping on. The other replies said it so well and I agree that things feel less burdensome when the anger is processed and passes. I know that it isn't easy- went through this with my daughter - and have come to believe that what is important is to love our children and let them know that they are loved.
I think I enable more because of the kids. I am sorry your going through this. Maybe you can help them by finding other male role models. Lots of love to you and your children.
I can so strongly relate to this share, Serenity. It always broke my heart, too, to see my kids excited and ready for their Dad to come and get them and then "no show." Lots of prayers for guidance and wisdom on this one and protection of your children's tender hearts.
Thank you .. I think the feeling I have going on is feeling helpless and I don't like that .. powerlessness I'm ok with .. helpless not so much .. helpless means I'm being victimized and I'm so over being the victim and to see that role thrown at my kids I do not like it in the least. Thankfully they have more sense than I do in moments like this .. it was a firestorm of many different things that were going on and I was beyond frustrated to say the least. I'm dealing with a very angry landlord and landlady it's not directed at me, .. however I'm in the crossfire of it all. They are divorcing and their divorce is uglier than mine is .. so you can imagine trying NOT to get in the middle of that mess.
Today I just don't have any kind of compassion to give to him and I'm trying to hold it all together that its bleeding out in other ways. That is pretty much where I was this weekend .. I'm sick to death of the excuses and no one holding him accountable for ANYTHING .. I'm just over it all. If I'm going to be a single parent .. guess what .. I'm going to be a single parent he will make the effort or not .. we don't have to set ourselves up in the least and I try to have a plan B going on just in case kind of thing. I was really looking forward to a few hours alone.
At the same time I really am blessed .. at work yesterday I was teasing and half serious that I may break down in tears .. the gal I worked with we looked at each other and started laughing .. she said I have the red eyed devil going on and I told her .. that's ok .. you have the red eye devil, .. I'll cry I doubt a man will come 100ft of this window without baring chocolate .. LOL. Trust me .. we work with probably 80% or more men than women .. so that's a good thing .. LOL! They know when we are stretched even if we don't say we are .. they are pretty good to us .. LOL!
I'm torn between wanting to filet him with a dull knife and being incredibly excited about this week. I really could care less if he showed up .. my thing is this .. I can count on one hand how many breaks I have had in the past 7 months in terms of being able to make plans and follow through. I can't go on retreats and things like that without making lots of different plans for the kids. PLUS there is the issue of just having some down time. I am getting that thanks to a great girlfriend who I love dearly. The kids will be occupied and better yet safe and loved .. I'm so incredibly grateful for that fact. It does piss me off that he gets to move on with his life while I do the heavy duty parenting without him being present financially, physically and so on .. I look forward to the day his picture and name hits the dead beat parent website .. anyone who would hook up with him deserves what they get. Grrr.
It is just sad that he can't do that for them .. forget about me .. how about them? I'm still walking the fine line of being fine and going into tears .. LOL .. ugh .. as I get busy I get better. Keep your fingers crossed for me sooo many exciting things and it is awesome! God is very good all of the time .. and my timeline of May being BIG changes is right on course at the moment .. so I'm just sitting back and waiting.
Hugs to you all and thank you for being here.
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Serenity: I truly don't believe anybody gets away with anything in this life. It may appear so on the surface, but ultimately what we give out returns 100 fold at some point in our lives. I've made many changes in myself over the years because I've experienced the consequences of some of my own behaviors and realized how harmful some of them have been to me and to my loved ones. Your children have one stable parent who loves and nurtures them and can teach them how to handle disappointments in their lives in a healthy manner.
I'm happy to read that you are going to get a break. I can remember single parenting and I know how important that is for us to regroup and to be restored.
"Fillet him". LOL!!! I know you will be okay because you still have your sense of humor. I'm glad you have the job you enjoy and a great friend to help. Hang in there.
__________________
"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
