The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I first came to alanon, my whole being and life was engulfed in and by my alchoholic, my mood my happiness my sence of who I was, all of it was in my mind dependent on him and his behavours, hand on my heart I did not believe alanon or anything come to that matter could show me a way to live any differently and be able to live a life independently along side my or any other alchoholic in my life and family, the thing I notice most about myself now is the way that my life and feelings are governed by myself and although I am very aware that outside influences very much effect that, I have learnt that ultemately the buck stops with me, In the beginning and through out the active years I was surrounded by addicts it was all consuming hell yes it had me on my kneees and praying many times for help, I guess the god of my understanding heard me and stepped in, I reckon it's really all about love and truly knowing how to and the way that has happened for me is back to front, I grew up loving everyone and everything accept myself, loving someone truly is sometimes letting them go, letting them fall, and mostly it's letting them find out who they need to be,without any interfernece from me, when I am hurting from having to let go of someone I need to understand ultemately this has to be about me, it's hard to really put into words how it all works, I just kept on keeping on thinking what I was doing was the right way, that horrible sickly feeling inside was an indicator that it wasn't right, I feel for anyone feeling that way, but you know what? It's never too late, there is never enough wrong that you can't put right, getting to know myself is what I am on with now, what do I like? what makes me happy? When I am faced with a problem now I know I have choices, I take time to think, keep an open mind and when I get busy I feel better, it really does work when you work it! yay x
What a great share. I'm happy when I see posts like this remembering what they were like just a few months ago. I'm amazed at myself on how far I have come from just a year ago. I bet like you, I never thought I could change.
We do have a long way to go but with the tools we now have and what we have learned about us we can survive and live a more peaceful life no matter what go's on around us.
There are good days and some bad days will come but we will let go let HP handle it
((( hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I do not find life easy by any means, but I love life and I try to look for the good in everything, and everyone, I think I am blessed to be able to do that too, I also think that some of the most painful things we go through in life we can learn the most from, I know I will be changing for the rest of my life, my biggest hurdle was realising I needed to CHANGE myself lol to fit around life and not the other way around, I still suffer major breakdowns, because I am a big worrier, but where as before I would isolate and shut down now I try to deal reasonably as and when things crop up by doing the things Alanon has taught me, I still suffer that overwhelming fear and anxiety when a problem accurs but I have learnt not to dwell on it,and take things personally as these things really do pass, I love that alanon is an honest programme with honest people that do not sugar coat the truths, addiction distorts the reality I believe, I am grounded here and am shown a lovely way to conduct myself and taught how to walk tall and hold my head up high, your doing marvellous Chick, I am a slow learner it takes a lot of practice and getting stuff wrong for me to get it right, but when I do I don't forget.
If your anything like me you will find when you do have those major breakdowns you can come out of them so much faster. I would have a breakdown and would be in bed all weekend going crazy with worry but now yes I worry but I do something about it and try not to get into a pity party. Each and every day these get easier and easier to handle without becoming a nut job in the process. That's me anyways..
As I was told many times it's practice, practice practice and progress not perfection
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
((((Katy))))...Okay I'm taking this post being here also as a sign that you love us also. This is how it works...sharing our ESH so that others can heal and grow. My heart is feeling grateful with your post and so is the rest of me. Happy for you...Hopeful for us. Mahalo Katy and of course YAY!! ((((HUGS))))
