The material presented
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I hate the drama this disease causes. The noise and chaos, Its very difficult to find and keep serenity when it continues on and on. The manipulation used to keep it alive is draining. I think Im beginning to realise that Im no match, I cant keep one step ahead anymore and maybe I never ever was. Actually I think Ive always been one step behind. Is that the definition of denial? Im fed up with this crappy disease and the craziness. I want quiet, peace, calm. No negativity anymore. Enough!!!
When my life gets chaotic, I find I must go back to Step 1. We admitted we were powerless... When I insert the current drama into what I am powerless over, (sometimes several times), I can then move forward with less stress and more self awareness. I've been there and sometimes return. So far, that is my understanding of the nature of this beast. I pray you find peace and sanity even if for a few minutes at a time.
I've learned that drama is a good word for all the stuff that this disease conjures up. It seems to be the writer, producer and all the actors in its 2 act play. Seeing that it is the same script being played over and over again with different lighting, make up and wardrobe but the same result helps me detach more quickly from being interested in it. I got to a place with my x where it no longer mattered to me what he did or didn't do. I was interested in me and in my life and the joy I could wrest from it by doing things I loved to do. I'm getting to the same place with my son, too. Sometimes, I feel like stifling a yawn when I hear the same ole-same, same-ole being repeated with just a little twist on the accent, actions, words as the disease is swinging from trees, threatening, menacing, manipulating, begging, pleading, demanding, accusing or growling. Of course, my son is older than yours by about 20 years, but their disease is the same and our solutions are, too! Keep on, keepin' on, el cee. No matter what that darn disease does, you can see it for what it is and go do something delightful for yourself.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 26th of February 2014 07:06:06 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 26th of February 2014 07:07:13 PM
I also practice what DeeF does when I sense the disease entering and starting to crank up the drama. I quickly admit I am powerless over it and sometimes will ask myself "what is it you think you want to do with this if anything" "I know I can get involved yet should I"? then I go into wait mode and listen to the feedback from HP and others. Maximum support. If you don't like the drama, don't go to the theater. (((((hugs)))))
Good topic and great responses! I'd like to add that my awareness of the drama also helps me recognize that it is not something that belongs to me and that I can choose not to own it using a variety of Alanon supportive tools. Drama is exhausting and unnecessary and my plateful is already overwhelming.
When I see drama- I can practice choosing what is best for me and what will provide the best outcomes. Drama is like being in a house that's on fire, where getting out alive is a priority. Don't stop to find the wallet, the cherished whatnot, don't try and bring it all with. What's best for me often means that I need to let go of something- like anger because it's so maddening, like needing to be right, or needing for someone to understand me, or re-clarify things a gazillion times because I'm betting that it is this next time that I can express myself more clearly, or needing to be heard (if I've said something once, then I was heard- end of new Bud story!)
I was finally able to practice letting go when I came to believe that my life depended on it. And I do believe that with all of my heart that I cannot afford to dwell with negative emotions- mine or someone else's.
So, welcome serenity- this quiet calm confidence that resonates that it's ok just to be, and what any one else thinks doesn't matter because you're focus is on your path. It is not that the disease wins, it is that it has nothing to grasp or latch onto when we practice having a stronger relationship with ourselves and with HP. My version- simple, but not easy- please take what you like and leave the rest.
I know where your coming from. I've been there. When I finally decided to set boundaries and THEN suck by them is when the magic started. It's wasn't over night and it took a lot of practice and meetings and MIP but I've finally come around. Doesn't mean I won't have a crisis again but I will better know what to do about it. I stop, drop and pray. I read and post my way out of it. I check my motives.
The last time I saw my son I told him my true feelings about his lying and that he will never ever be able to come here again until he changes. It hurt me to tell my son this but I did and he cried on his way out. But you know he's fine again in his own little world working the system to get what he wants. So when the next crisis happens and he wants me I can say no without any remorse because I am finally clear with:
Mean what you say, say what you mean and have kindness in your heart when you say it. When this truth is finally let out your son will know, you will know and peace can win.
Like you have said.....the disease is way more powerful than you and your not going to win no matter how hard YOU try so lets try something different for a little while and see if that work. You can always go back to your misery
To see death in your eyes is real so let him see it also and maybe he will get scared enough to do something about it.
Our sons are our greatest gift God gave us so lets try something different to help them.
((( hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I find finding balance in the drama to be difficult. My AP... although sober.... creates drama like crazy and now that we live together it often creeps up and wraps it's self around my day to day affairs. Everything seems to involve a fight of some sort. We always seem to have at least one lawyer on the go battling yet another injustice. Everything seem to be complicated.
Today I decided to take a mental health day for myself. Just waiting for my daughter to go to school and my AP to head off to the job site so I could spend some time in quiet mediation, burn some soothing incense and then go sign up for the YMCA membership I've been wanting so my daughter and I can take spinning and yoga and zumba together. My AP wants a membership too but he of course has issues with the YMCA from the past. There is a fee he doesn't agree with and wants to get them to wave it first. I just want to membership but it needs to be a family membership and he wants to argue the fee. Now he's angry with me...didn't go to work...and is sitting in the middle of my peaceful alone time watching news very loudly. I should have just gone to work. At least if it were summer and not a freezing -23C I could go walk in the woods or something but in these temperatures being out anywhere is uncomfortable and not the soothing comfort day I'm in need of.
I know how to walk away from other people's drama but I don't know how to do it in a merged life....finance, business, household.... and still be true to myself.
-- Edited by Nightingale on Thursday 27th of February 2014 09:40:33 AM
