The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello. I was recently asked to sponsor someone. This would be my first experience as a sponsor. I am thrilled and at the same time, a bit nervous. I have read the 2014-2017 Service Manual, Courage to Change and Hope For Today regarding sponsorship. Also, I have the "What Sponsorship Is and What It Is Not". What spoke to me from HFT, pg. 328 is "Sponsorship works when people love themselves enough to ask for help and when others love themselves enough to say yes." I sincerely respect the courage it took for her to reach out to me. Initially, I struggled with my own insecurities but then I read something else. I found in the CTC, "Sponsorship is a friendship made up of two members learning from one another...two people learning a new way to live - one day at a time." Easy does it, progress not perfection, one day at a time. I can do that. The Service Manual says, "Sponsorship is a mutual and confidential sharing between two Al-Anon members. A Sponsor is someone with whom a member can discuss personal problems or questions; someone who willingly shares the experience, strength and hope of the Al-Anon program". My Sponsor is out of the country for more than a week so I called a long timer that I trusted. She said the only real requirements for me as my sponsee works the steps are to listen, to not give advice, to ask questions and to set the boundary of holding them accountable for keeping their word. She also suggested we initially write down our expectations of one another in this arrangement. I am touched and honored that my potential sponsee would reach out to me. The thing that I keep coming back to is do I have enough time in the program and I haven't finished my first 12 Step experience. I am open to insights, suggestions, success stories or failures. I look forward to hearing from you.
Hi Dee- I could have written your email a few months ago. I also was asked to be a sponsor and did a lot of research on Al-Anon literature regarding sponsorship, as well as contacting my own sponsor. I had not finished my 12 steps quite yet either. What really helped me to make my decision was when my sponsor, and two of my "long-timer" Al-Anon friends told me that they felt I was ready to be a sponsor. Just like someone suggested to you, I would suggest that you have a written agreement with your sponsee prior to starting your sponsorship. I used the "What Sponsorship Is and What It Is Not," pamphlet as a guideline for our agreement.
One of the really great things for me about being a sponsor is that it has helped me move forward in completing my own 12 step work, as well as renewed my commitment to getting to my meetings weekly. Good for you for taking this issue very seriously- it's a great opportunity for both of you to grow in the program.
Green Eyes, thank you for your encouragement. It is good to hear from a fellow member that you were successful even though you had not completed every step yourself. Others in the program, who know me well, have stated they thought I would be a good sponsor. With your insight and encouragement, I believe I am ready. Thank you.
-- Edited by Dee F on Wednesday 26th of February 2014 09:35:12 PM
Good Dee...someone saw in you something they wanted and in recovery we share what we have in order to keep it. You could ask her what it was that she saw that caused her to ask. It is good feedback for your own growth. I loved the "feedbacks" and even use to ask for them of the fellowship. I trusted I would get honesty and I did. I use to ask "What is it that you see I'm doing and can you give me your experience with it" I also use to ask that question about how I use to "talk" in the program not that I was afraid of anything and often I learned it wasn't about what I was saying and HOW I was saying it. My sponsor was great at feedback and use to ask me a ton of questions in order for me to learn about who I was and why I did what I did and how. Its, for me, about sharing experiences...honestly...what happened, what I found out and what I do today. I don't give advise I make suggestions based from my own recovery. Part of my language is "I don't know" (when I don't) and also "teach me". My sponsorship always suggested that I keep an open mind and allow my sponsees also to teach. Hope to hear more of your sponsorship experience. If you do it the way you've been taught it you will grow and so will your sponsee. Have her meet your HP thru you. (((((hugs)))))
Jerry F, thank you for your insights. Questions and honesty are key factors in my own recovery. It is good to know these same factors will help my sponsee grow. You offered some great suggestions of questions to ask. Oh yes, the "human" factor: it is always good to be reminded that I am human and I do not and cannot possibly have all the answers. :)
