The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have 3 children. My oldest is almost 18, and has gone a long time without contact with his father, because his father thought our son deserved a dad. So my husband (now ex) took over. You never think the last time would be the last time. We spoke just a couple months ago. I can still hear his voice.
We buried him this Valentine's Day. The first chance my son got to know his father, was the day he signed for his cremation. He was his only child. I'll never forget the determined and brave look in his eyes. I protected him his entire life. From knowing who his father had become. For always knowing what he was. He was 35 years old. I spoke at his funeral. I was the only one who did. I looked among a small crowd, but a lifetime and an entire world in the son we had made. My ex-husband, stood in the back row, and before the services, my son introduced him to the family he barely remembered, "this is my dad." I said, "what I miss the most about J...is what he missed the most."
Today my children's dad told me about his liver...and tests to come. And the dread sank in. I can't do this twice. He's been in AA for a few months...driven to be better for his world; our children. Our marriage died, but my love didn't. I can move on in love and be happy he's done the same. But our children. They are everything. I just don't know. Just so afraid.
I am truly sorry to read of your painful loss and am sending prayers foryou and your family
If you are not attending alanon face to face meetings, I urge you to call the hot line number in the white pages and call. It is at alanon you will receive the understanding and support that you need at this very difficult time
