I have been sifting through so much lately. Hold on, let go, it's hard to put into words but it's different, I feel like I have had a breakthrough in my relationship with HP. I am healing, it's through the absolute grace of HP and I could not be more grateful. It's almost on a cellular level, this is maybe crazy but I have started remembering to take my vitamins, brush my teeth (I know gross but when you are depressed ugh...) comb my hair. I am walking a little taller, still look down most of the time but I am trying to be mindful to communicate better self worth through better posture. I took the beating of all beatings verbally Saturday, yes I flinched but ASO or xASO or who knows what he is didn't see the flinching. I haven't responded and have just accepted that its on me to be peaceful and reconstruct what he wants to tear down. I pray for him now. Not for an outcome that I want or think should be but for him to find love and acceptance and peace. I feel so much better about this. So grateful. It's been an interesting month, up and down and sideways and setbacks, but how I am feeling now is worth the struggle. I am finally accepting that yes, I need to find a face to face meeting. And go. I haven't yet but that's my responsibility and its my healing and I need to do it so I can heal. I have ignored the drunk ranting texts and feel so proud that I haven't caved in to the poor me pity party compete with shots and beer and enabling friends. I am better than that. And I am doing better. Through the absolute grace of God and my willingness to step out of the cycle even if its 75% out, heck that's so much better than it was. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and I love this group and the strength I have found though the support here.