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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> working at it....in neutral
Post Info TOPIC: working at it....in neutral
Debilyn


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working at it....in neutral
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I keep getting so stuck in the grief junk. I realized I have never had time from one death to another to heal. NO wonder I am mostly not happy.

I kept looking back, not at today. So I changed the thought in my head, when I start to get shakey, feel off balance, my head says,"This is your life."

So I look around and think, yes this is my life, I have my nice pickup, dogs I adore, a wonderful son. Live on 5 acres with animals whom I adore each one, I mean every chicken and duck.

I can still use my body, can walk more now, took a mile walk and it was nothing. I am living with just me. I give my life to my HP totally. I trust my HP to know what I need and who. My main goal is to please HP.

This is my life. Who am I, what do I want. So I think about that, I don't really know what I want, where i want to live. So I am being right here where I am. I hope when the weather is nice, gardening starts, my me will come out and show my heart who I am. Maybe I will get excited about something, someone.

My dear gal friend of 40 years told me she finally saw me myself when Stephen and I were having a relationship.I was happy, positive, busy, sure of myself wanted to live. It hurts her to see me like this. So I told her my new path. I am done with the stuff behind me.

(that song room without a roof, the video really got to me. I used to feel like that. I hope I am blessed to feel it again, and I know the way to do it is by helping others...cannot wait to share my real chicken eggs and garden)

I KNOW HP will bring me to something very, very good. I have 100% faith in that.
So now this is my life, like anything new I have not felt all the goodness or teaching from it, am still very shakey but at least I am on the road.

I just never knew how this disease is so powerful it can really tear apart the non A's lives. I hope my co dependant  exguy finds his path out of his denial, but sadly he is so comfortable there..... (I sent him a letter requesting NO contact at all and he has complied)



-- Edited by Debilyn on Friday 21st of February 2014 06:58:08 PM

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grateful2be


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(((D))) It took a lot of courage and self-care to ask Stephen to stop contacting you. You both want different things in your relationship now. Who knows what the future holds and yet today is all that matters. Somebody taught me something once that has always stuck with me: "If somebody hands you a nickle, don't give them a dime." He's handed you a nickle for whatever reasons he has. You've said, "I guess I'll keep my dime."

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oldergal


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"No Contact Letter", that is awesome, now you are starting your new life, that's great....in support og



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hotrod


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I know how hard this is Deb  

Good Work Recovery is difficult but well worth it. 

 In my prayers



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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bud


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(((Debilyn))) A tremendous amount of strength and courage to ask him to not contact you. I truly admire that- it's something that I haven't been able to do when it would definitely be to my ultimate benefit.

Prayers for continued healing, health, and happiness.

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yanksfan51


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((((Debilyn))))

How brave of you to send that letter.  You are my hero!  That is tough love self-care, sister.

I agree with grateful--keep the nickel :)

Mary



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Breakingfree


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The grief can take it out of you. Take care of my Deb! Sending you love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
el-cee


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Your a strong, straight talking, animal loving woman, good things are for you. Im sorry it never worked out. Take care.x

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