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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> preparing for a death of a loved one
Post Info TOPIC: preparing for a death of a loved one
neshema2


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preparing for a death of a loved one
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Sorry I haven't been around much of this past few days...Called my bio mom's sister who favored me since I was born...She rescued me many times from her "sister" and her abuse, locking me in crates, My mama Aunt Helen would "free" me, change my filthy diapers, feed me, hold me an chastise her sister whom she worshiped but could not understand this abandonment of such a lovely baby....

She knew her sister was an alcoholic and the source was that bastard she was married to, and being younger, mama Aunt Helen, who took nothing from anyone was in a quandary....To the day b4 Alzheimers began to eat at her brain, she grieved that she didn't do any more for me, but unbeknownst to me, her OWN husband was a "hard one" to live with and but still..She felt tremendous guilt and remorse when we got re-united  (when I sprialled down hill, I walked away from everyone to battle my disease on my own...I always felt I had to face my crap alone until recovery)

Anyway, I called her the other day and she knew i was one of her "kids" but she didn't know which one.....She didn't' even sound like herself....It was a horrible experience for me.....I was eager to get off the phone as she sounded totally distant....

I got a hold of my oldest cousin with whom I have formed a nice friendship and she told me that mama had a stroke and now needs  a full time nurse at the Alzheimer facility which is her "last stop" b/c she keeps falling down now....Its not gonna be long now...Karen told me she would call when mama "goes home"....

I don't know whether I want to call back or not, right now....I probably will, till she can't even speak, but oh its so sad...

God please take me while I can still work and do stuff...Dont let me waste away like mama is...

I really want her to go home where she can play her piano, charm the gentlemen, tell her stories about OK when it was a young state and full of bank robbers like Bonnie and Clyde whom she met as they ran from the bank they just robbed...They ran smack into mama and my bio mother as they ate ice cream cones and they spoke to the girls....oh mama had some great stories

one thing that I find funny...How old folks stick to the old  "we gotta pass as white"  and to this day if you mention native american, she gets really pissed...it is a taboo subject....My cousin Karen told me she was proud of being indian and I am too, but back then in those days, it was taboo and harder to find jobs if you were "of color"  I wonder how she explained her bone structure and her dark eyes and skin, LOL...but ya know, if that is what she wanted to do, then so be it..........Her older sister, my bio mother DID tell us kids that we were indian.....but even so, it was like  "ok, you know...don't tell anyone and don't tell I told you"...So we kept our mouths shut for YEARS

I got depressed over that awful call, I just didn't feel like being on the board.........I got her looks , only I am very blonde like my sire....i inherited her face, body structure, everything but the color...I look more like her then I did, even, my bio mom and they look amazingly alike.....

Soon she will go home and she will be whole again...to regale all the folks on the other side about her life here on earth and the rich experiences she had....

I do want her suffering to end...I am making myself ready to say "good bye" and to do it with gratitude that I had her in my life.

 

here is her pic when she was young and healthy

mama aunt helen2.jpg



-- Edited by Debilyn on Friday 21st of February 2014 06:04:25 PM

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grateful2be


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Thank you for sharing your aunt with us, Rose, and the love you both share.

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mm830


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She is so beautiful. Such a bittersweet reminder that life is so short, I am glad she was so good to you and that you have so much recovery time and growth under your belt to draw strength and support from while coming to terms with the end of her journey in this world. You know she will be with you always, as a part of who you are, and you with her.

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Sweet Stanley


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Thoughts and prayers for you. End of life is such a difficult time. The onslaught of our precious memories. Cherish them and know that she loves you.



-- Edited by Sweet Stanley on Thursday 20th of February 2014 07:29:12 AM

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pinkchip


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Prayers for your aunt. My grandmother had the same - not alzheimers but vascular dementia. It was very sad.

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Cathyinaz


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It's tough to say goodby to someone you loved and cherish so much but I think about the good times and the love she had in her heart for many many years.

Take care of you and remember the good times..

Prayers for you and your aunt my friend

(((( hugs ))))


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Mimi3


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(((Rose)))

I am so sorry you are hurting and this beautiful women is so ill!

I love your words about being so very grateful for having her in your life!

You are a remarkable woman! .....Gee, I wonder where you got that?

Sending you extra love & prayers!!!

(((HUGS)))



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Cindy 
ilovedogs


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Hugs and prayers to you! Thank you for sharing your story with us. Prayers for you and your family! ((Rose))

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PP


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She is lovely, and, yes you do look like her.  We are with you....prayers and hugs.



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Jerry F


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((((N))))...you get to work the compassion lessons of our program and the acceptance lesson with empathy...you can do it we all can and how well we do it gives us feedback on hosmilew strong our recovery is.  My mother was also a "Helen" and carries her own story within my life.  I still get to practice though she has been gone for many years.  She died with parkinsons which is also a nasty disease and still not strong enough to get past unconditional love and compassion. 


Stay with her till the end as there are lessons yet to be had.   She is physically beautiful and also spiritually as you describe the spirit she embraced you with. Your turn. 

During my  Helen's last days my wife and I dropped in for a visit.  She was at the care home and she could not talk anymore or control her emotions.  How frightening that was for her along with being islolated from the family as it once was.  We visited and after a while told her we had to be going which brought her to such fearful agitation.  She didn't want us to leave and could no longer even say it verbally.  We read her body language...her reaction behavior and we went into the hallway to talk about it for a minute.  My wife asked what can we do and we thought about it.  I told my wife that we had a gift to share with Mom while she could also share with us.  "We can share what we have learned in Al-Anon which has relieved our anxieties, fears, loneliness and such and she can teach us how to die which we can use later".   We went back into the room and spoke of slogans to my mother and of letting go and letting God and of letting go of control and such while we watched the panic and fear leave her body.  And when it was time to go it was time and she smiled and accepted our leaving.     Our 12th step contains all of the directions as to what we do with this "program" or "re-programiing" after our spirits have been reawoken.  Read it and think about it and then meditate on it using visualization and see what happens.   "...in all our afairs" indeed.    In support (((((hugs))))) smile



-- Edited by Jerry F on Thursday 20th of February 2014 07:15:44 PM

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bud


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(((Rose))) Thank you for sharing- prayers for you and your beautiful Aunt.

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Raven Juniper


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Such a beautiful share and precious photo. Hugs and loving thoughts for you both.
XO

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Debilyn


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oh my dear I am so ad you are facing so many hard things. My grandmother was Lakota sioux so relate to the prejudice and not talking about it.

The picture you shared is soooo beautiful.

I know when I a losing a loved one to death, I allow my heart to be my guide as I want no regrets. It does hurt horribly when you realize they are not acting right. I will never forget checking on my very young mom in the bathroom. I opened the door, she was standing there with a wash cloth and had forgotten what to do. It still hurts to share that.

Hope you have loved ones around you. sending you and yours love and prayers Neshema, debilyn



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