The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My face to face meeting was canceled tonight due to the bad snow storm we are having, and I wish I was able to go to my second face to face meeting but I'm home alone again. Im getting to the point as if Im a single women and not a married women. To come home and clean the house, let the dogs out, feed the dogs, wash cloths and to cook and for what? He is not home, he rather be at that guys house with his wife who is going thru the same thing I am, but she enables her husband to continue to drink his entired paycheck, to where they dont have cable, or a car, or even internet. So, I ask myself why even still let my AH come home if he wants to spend more time over there, drinking and leaving me home alone?
Im slowly understanding my steps, and trying to accomplish them to take care of me and my health, but yesterday killed me to hear my AH " I see what his wife going thru with his drinking and I'm doing it to you too, I'm not going to drink anymore"! When, he told me that I rolled my eyes and did not believe him because he is not going to change. He is there at this moment, and I cooked, for him and for what? I have to say it was a good dinner for me, and thats all it matters. I'm reading this book called"GET YOUR LOVED ONE SOBER ALTERNATIVES TO NAGGING, PLEADING, AND THREATENING BY DR MEYERS AND DR. WOLFE", very interesting book, but at times I myself get overwhelmed for it to work, when I know its not upon me. Another book I also started reading is "LOVING SOMEONE WITH PTSD BY DR MATSAKIS", not a bad book for those who have military veteran husband or wife. I have to say I cannot wait to also see my therapist thursday, but not only am I dealing with my AH, I also have family and sibling issues.
At times I feel as strong as a rock, and right now I want to crumble into tiny pieces and cry, as if there is no light at the end of the tunnle
Tears shed well for me have a way of helping me find the light again that is in me. Writing a daily gratitude and assets list helps me capitalize on what is present in me and in my life that brings me comfort, joy, inspiration or beauty. When I think about those things, I feel stronger and capable of doing the next right thing for me. I'm sorry you are feeling so low this evening. I understand it. I have felt the same way. I'm not sure if what has helped me will help you, but I did want to share it. Lots of hugs being sent your way tonight.
I am shining my flashlight for you!!! I had a talk with my AH tonight, and as I see him falling deeper into the hole, I want so badly to stop his fall. He keeps begging and pleading for me for HELP......... but all I hear is the alcohol wanting to keep it's power hold on him.
All the "HELP HIM!!!!" bombs are just exploding in my ears and I am doing my very best to just sit by and pray that he makes it out on his own.
I feel like I am right there with you in that tunnel.....but I have a flashlight and I will keep it on and as long as I know that you are in there with me........well, I know we can make it out into the beautiful world.
Hang in there NavySealWife.
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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. (Dr. Suess)
I understand your pain. I am living with an AH. I have learned from my sponsor which has helped me so much to cut down the fighting and anxiety with my AH. If they have been drinking they always win the fight. I walk away when my AH starts talking and it is not going to be nice.
I wish mine didn't drink but the drink has got s hold on him unless he sees the bottom he is not going to stop.
I have learned to stick to your plans and try not to isolate yourself from friends.
It is hard to see that their responsibilities to you get less and less.
If you can find some alnon meetings they have been a life saver for me. They understand your situation and it is a safe place to get help for yourself.
I do not understand this disease and it seems nothing I do helps the situation. The more I do apply the alnon principles to my life I don't feel as helpless. Everyday I get more strength and courage to lead my own life.
Writing your feelings in a journal helps you to get some of the anger out.
Take one day at a time.
Hope
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I have hope that my next minute will be better and to learn from my last minute.
Be gentle with yourself, you are doing the best you can to deal with a painful situation. Grateful has some good suggestions, sometimes thinking about what you have available to you such as love from HP, family, friends and al aNon etc helps too. If you can't get the love and support you need from the A which is pretty much a given because they are so sick then turn to who can give you support, this forum, HP etc. You are doing the right things to get yourself better. Also, sometimes when they are around, its more painful than being alone because you can't get through to them anyway. This disease can be so isolating. Glad you are reaching out because knowing others understand helped so much.
(((( just replied to your other post before i saw this one )))) .. i'm glad you attend face to face .. when i first attended meetings, i went thinking they would tell me how to change my partner .. when they didn't, i even ended up leaving for several months .. i went back when i realised my obssession on him was why i needed to be there .. i went back and began sharing on me more .. and i'm so glad i did because when i work on me, i get to ''feel and experience the healing"
there is hope for you always .. in fact, hope is one of the first gifts we grow .. we begin hearing our story and the second courage ..honest shares from the heart allow us to share honestly back and vice versa ..
