My anxiety was up some today .. the kids went on their visitation today.  It was good.  I'm glad .. it was a good time in terms of just long enough.  He's dry drunking it .. even if he's not drinking .. he's definitely got behavior attached.  Typical stuff with him asking questions and not listening to the answers.  Still lying and so on .. it is what it is.  NO discussion about what happened in July outside of to say he hasn't had a drink since July .. I find that hard to believe .. again .. he's white knuckling .. he is a drink waiting to happen. 

I do have a question .. in a span of 3 hours he went to the bathroom over 5x .. does that sound normal to anyone?  I know if you drink a lot of coffee, tea, pop and so on .. it can happen however .. good grief .. that seems like a LOT to be running to the bathroom. 

He's worried about how he looks to others .. spent a LOT of money .. never mind what he owes the kids and I .. the city, fines and so on.  Promises, promises and more promises ... I told my daughter .. that's great .. let's just wait and see what happens he's back in the honeymoon mode.  He's still not being honest and in ANY program of recovery is the foundation of rigorous honesty .. if you can't do that then it's a drink waiting to happen and a miserable sobriety. 

Made some AWFUL decisions about some games that I have told the kids they can't play and of course he purchased them.  I will give him this .. he gave the kids the receipt so we can exchange them and even he realized that he did not make good choices and stated so. 

The nice thing is the kids are seeing him AND I get a break .. he screws up again .. I will make what happened this last time look like a symphony of quiet music next to a Who rock concert Tommy.  This is so NOT ok and it will NOT happen again .. period.  He has already been warned and now he knows I will kick his butt from here to Japan if we go through ANYTHING like this again. 

He's letting the kids set the pace in terms of visitation of course with blanket statements about if they could live with him that he would take them .. I was like WHATEVER!  Even my daughter just told him umm .. not happening Dad .. she was very clear with him when he started talking about taking them out of the county .. those are things you need to discuss with Mom or atty's whatever .. I'm out of this.  She said I wouldn't count on that happening for a LONG time Dad .. there are things you need to do first before we can leave the area with you. 

I'm ok .. it was hard to let go .. I literally sat on my hands NOT to bother them during their time with him.  It was hard .. did they get picked up, did D get dropped off in time for his deal, did everything go the way it was suppose to and so on.  My little guy seemed good .. I will miss him a lot tonight he's at a sleep over.  I slipped on my program.  I'm doing ok though .. I'm relieved that things are moving the way they need to.  My girl is doing good .. I'm trying to leave a few things alone .. it's not easy .. it's ok though. 

YES .. I know I'm focused on him because it's been 7 months sense I've had to deal with this and I'm going to spin a bit and because of that I'm going to cut myself some slack.  I have a call into my sponsor .. she hasn't called me back yet.  I'm going to read some lit tonight and see what I can do about letting more go. 

Anyway, it's a plus .. it was good for the kids .. it was good for me (it was hard) .. and if it was good for him .. then so be it .. he has been put on notice eldest is not buying what he's selling and she did it in an appropriate way .. it's his choice with what he chooses to do with it. 

Hugs S :)