Armchair Quarterback in need of ESH - Al-Anon Family Group

Raven Juniper · Senior Member

Armchair Quarterback in need of ESH

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Actually you can make the courts aware of the situation and you can get both back. Property and pets. If you have a restraining order already you will be breaking it by third party contact. That is not good. Hugs s;)

Raven Juniper · Senior Member

Thanks Serenity, I haven't got a restraining order yet, the A, pets and property are still here:) I'm sort of in a parallel position to the A since I'm not from around here either, and have no family or friends that I could crash with, along with my pets and strays :) I love my fur babies, but it becomes such a circus in situations like these. My funds are rather low right now too since I just bought my little bucket of bolts car.

What I meant by my garbled post is that I'm debating whether to advise his family of his mental and physical state to see if they want to intervene, and possibly take him home. I haven't asked him to leave the house yet. I'm worried that if I do ask him to leave, he would possibly harm my pets and destroy my property in the sick state he's in. I'm just asking for ESH to process out the possibilities before I take action.

-- Edited by Raven Juniper on Sunday 16th of February 2014 07:50:28 PM

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

RJ: I can't offer advice. I can tell you that as the mother of an adult son who can display some of the same behaviors as you describe due to his own progressive disease - I wouldn't intervene and I wouldn't take him home. He's just as dangerous to my well being as anyone else's when the disease is highly operative. We learn in Al-Anon not to try to be the nurse, doctor or therapist or police for our loved ones. Is there a way you can check with the police or appropriate law enforcement agency who can help you determine the best way to proceed in obtaining a restraining order and protecting your pets and personal property?

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 16th of February 2014 07:51:39 PM

jillybean1 · Senior Member

You can get the restraining order and the cops tell him to leave, they give him 10 minutes to gather up basic living stuff (they don't allow them to start moving everything out)

I had a temp restraining order you can ask the judge for possession of the residence, as well as pets. Then he has to get out and find his own place to land. Then you will have about 5-10 days to figure out if you want to stay there and continue the protection order or drop it ( I dropped mine because AH went into treatment ) If you drop it you are back to square one, but you still have those few days to make arrangements ....and think. If you keep it in effect, he can challenge it, try to get possession of the pets and other stuff but it is up to the judge to decide.

I will tell you that an active alcoholic will have a hard time following the order and all you have to do is call the police and he will be locked up on violation of the court order.

Remember that involving the courts also means that you have to attend all follow up matters and appearances so it can be a drawn out process but it is handy if you really need it.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm on the fence RJ ... because really this is that one issue of what is and isn't my business. Plus what type of enabling is going to happen that can hurt him far more than help him.

I have learned that my stbax needs to hit his own bottom and what HE chooses to do is what he chooses to do.

Another good resource is the National Domestic Violence Hot Line you can call and ask questions set up and appointment with a liaison. When I have felt fear regarding his behavior I took action and got the restraining order like JB suggested. I have no regrets and I'm telling you he violated and was clipped big time. He figured out that he needed help the way I understand it he's not seeking recovery in terms of AA .. he IS addressing other issues he has at the moment such as anxiety and so on. Supposedly has stopped hanging out with the DUI club .. sooo we'll see.

Hugs S :)

Raven Juniper · Senior Member

Your kind replies and reading back over everything helped me understand. I was thinking that perhaps if he weren't so far from his family and daughter somehow he would have more incentive to pull himself together. I was still projecting my expectations onto his situation, still trying to influence the outcome. Thank you all.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

when I didn't feel safe, I called a domestic violence group,went to meetings and learned about abusers. they also knew of resources available to me. I am sure the dept of human services could help you as well as the police and sheriff dept.

Please, please keep yourself and those furbabies safe!!! You could always post on craigslist to see if you can find a temp foster home for your critters till you get thru this. I have done this several times...

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