The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just need a friend today. It's been about a month since I really started standing up for myself with the A and it actually got better, or so I thought. Last night we were supposed to celebrate Valentine's Day I get this beautiful card and dinner. Well dinner went terrible. He started getting angry with me, that awful hateful anger, I ended up saying that I wouldn't stay and spend the whole evening like that and it was bs. Well that ended up with him paying the check and leaving our dinners there, I left it was ridiculous and childish and embarrassing. He asked me to leave his keys under the mat I did, he ends up calling at two AM to rant so I just hung up. Then he comes here. Yells at me. Throws the candy he bought me across the room. Tells me I am a terrible person that he would be with another woman within a week and leaves. Thing is I should've known that all that anger was seething under the surface. I can't sleep haven't slept. He is going to do what he does. I need to start all over at let go let God. Things have improved in that I am not freaking out over this he needs to learn his life lessons his own way. I feel numb and its weird I love him but this is not love so I don't know maybe my definition of love is all mixed up. Help me find my way again I am lost and I know I did it to myself.
Sorry to keep posting it helps just to process this more and its a safe place here. I know I am not a terrible person. I know this is not healthy and HP does not want anything mean and angry and scary for me, that's not in anyone's greatest good. He may be nice for a while but he needs more help and he needs to want help. I will just turn it back over to God and count my blessings. Thanks for being here with me, it helps so much.
I understand I come here to write too. I feel safe and my anxiety goes away. Writing helps you process what happened.
I tried not to listen at all when min goes into an angry drunk rage. I think blaa blaa blaa.. it is his big problem. Especially when mine ages like 14 years old. I go into another room.
This is s safe place...for you to be..
Let there be hope..
__________________
I have hope that my next minute will be better and to learn from my last minute.
What is nice your not freaking out about it. I used to freak so bad when my SO would get so mad and say such bad things to me. I would cry, yell back and then plead for forgiveness for what I did or didn't do. Now no bull**** I walk away until he comes down off his high horse. Even at a restaurant I'd walk. One time at Lowe's I wanted to look at the patio furniture and he was all nasty about not wanting to. I got mad at him and he went ballistic on me. I walked out the store and he came after me with the truck ( almost hit me ) and I told him I wasn't getting in. He finally left me there. I was 10 miles from home at 8pm....dark. I walked for a while and ended up at a starbucks and then some drunk guy tried to help me because he knew I was upset. I got scared and call a taxi to take me to a hotel. All said and done my SO tried calling me all night and looking for me. He was just as scared for me/him as I was for me... lol I also don't do certain things with him anymore because I know for a fact it can cause friction.
It's a crazy life but until we change it nothing changes does it.
Take care care of you and I'm so sorry you have to deal with somebody that doesn't give a darn and just wants it HIS way.
((( hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
((((Mimi)))) add this other tool to your recovery tool box...I'm serious...if he acts out...throwing things and cussing you and it feels scary...reach into your tool box and find the phone programed to 911 and call for backup. I am a former alternatives to violence mens case manager. When we loose control we've lost control and rarely is there anyone or thing available for us to regain it if we stay in the crises. Do not leave yourself there as a victim. He knows what his tantruming and out of control behavior is doing because he is watching you as he acts it out. If he sees the responses he wants to see he is winning and will continue the power and control behavior. We use to call this type of act out the "King Baby" mode and I have also witnessed it being the "King Kong Baby" mode. Take safe care. (((((hugs)))))
(((mm)))...your share brought Getting Them Sober to mind. I was going to quote a couple of things but thought better of it. The A's arrogance and threats of leaving are like a paper tiger. It says that it is a lot harder to lose an alcoholic than you may think. You are much more powerful than you think:)
I would even venture to say that he probably needs you more than you need him.
But mm, please make sure that you're safe and have an escape plan. My ex AH went from smiling to throttling me in 60 seconds. It's impossible to predict how the disease will cause them to act.
Keep coming back:)
I'm with the others, MM. My x was sitting in a chair coring an apple while I was seated on a couch. Within a split second he moved mentally from being content to core an apple to jumping out of his chair and holding the corer to my throat. What was I doing? Sitting on a couch. We think we can handle them and we can't. These are not things we can handle on our own as much as we would like to do it. In Al-Anon, domestic violence is one of the things we can give advice about. Please call your local Domestic Assault agency if you haven't already done that. Perhaps they can give you physical support in your area that we can't give on-line?
Grateful and Raven I am so sorry that you both dealt with physical assault how awful. I do agree the escalation is scary and 911 is there for a reason. Thanks for all the love and support, I am praying a lot today for God's will which has helped and is calming.
It's not going to get linearly better. In fact, it seems like you were thinking things would get better between you two. they won't necessarily. The one that is trying to get better is you, and it sounds like you have been over the month. You stood up for yourself and didn't let him bully you in public. it sounds to me like you are making great progress!
