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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Feeling sad tonight.
Post Info TOPIC: Feeling sad tonight.
el-cee


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Feeling sad tonight.
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I went to a meeting out of town today. It was really good but I can't shake this kind of brain numb feeling, nothing will penetrate today, all the lovely wisdom in the room and I couldn't really really listen.

I'm feeling sad and a bit lonely. Decided to visit an Art Gallery and thought I would cheer myself up but no. Im just plain sad. I love my son and I kind of ache for him, I miss him and this letting go is such a hard business, while in the drama of it there is no time to feel but right now, today, I feel heartbroken.

I have accepted so much, his isms, the desperate need to let him go but it feels a bit like a death, like the last little shred of hope that no he is not an alcoholic, is gone. I surrender my expectations, fantasies and hopes. I have also surrendered the denial that kept this going on for so long. I accept that my son living with me is providing him with a cushion in which to sink deeper into this disease, so he cant stay with me, ever really.

I am letting go of the wee boy that loved superman and was so bright and energetic, hes gone. In his place is a young man damaged by growing up in an alcoholic home BUT I know he knows how to get himself on track, he just needs the will. 

Sorry for this depressing post, had to let it out. Thanks for listening and being there for me, so grateful.x



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DavidG


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Yes, Elcee,

                  I have had meetings where things went in one ear, and out the other... the same numbness. Well at least I went along. But I talked in through... realised that I do have emotions, but they are not surfacing right this moment...

...easy does it, one day at a time, let go and let go [d]... this too shall pass... ...progress not perfection... huh? aww



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pinkchip


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It is sad Elcee. A 21 year old addict/alcoholic may have a long way to go before hitting bottom. I am sorry this has occurred and he is affected with addiction. Sorry that happened to your son. Acceptance is a good start even though it's painful. Yeah...doesn't seem like just a "rebellious phase" as they say.

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milkwood


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I'm sorry you are feeling grief Elcee - it is natural - but not easy!
((((((hugs)))))))
Sometimes I wonder if 'detaching' helps us to keep a positive balance in our memory bank (as well as all the other benefits). Who knows what the future will bring. Prayers for your son and peace for you. With love.

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oldergal


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 I hear you loud and clear El-cee. When I came to acceptance it was a hard one to get over. I had to have a funeral in my mind for this precious little happy boy I once enjoyed. He was only a memory now and some photos. I was very, very sad and had to respect my feelings for what they were, it seems I had to go through it and not around it. I still get reminders of his innocence as a child. Im sorry you are feeling sad, and hope this too will pass. A very hard thing to go through indeed, be good to yourself......og



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Jill


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Sending prayers for your comfort

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wornoutmrsfixit


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I'm sad for you el-cee. I can't imagine how hard it must be to see your children go through this and know that the motherly instinct to take care of them is the wrong thing to do. I know I feel a bit of fear everytime I see one of my sons take a drink after what I've been through with their dad. You both are in my prayers.

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Cathyinaz


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I had a busy day out doing what I need to do. I'm back home now and reading all the posts. I see yours and it hits home right now. After seeing my son yesterday and having to push him back out the door was sad. I miss my son and it so deeply hurts inside. He is not the man I raised anymore. He's not doing anything but getting a little worse everyday. Will it end or will I lose him completely.


I know your sadness and breaking heart. I know about feeling it as a death and being so so powerless to do anything about it. We cry and cry until we can't cry no more asking God WHY.

Now you know why we are told to take care of us. If we don't we lose.

Pray to HP for the strength to continue on and pray that someday something will change.

We love you el-cee you are not alone and never forget that. We are here, that shoulder to lean on and understanding your pain like no one else can.

Now think about hope...there is always hope so hold it close.




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Debilyn


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sending you love dear one, be gentle with yourself! love,debilyn



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SerenityRUS


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Hugs, .. I'm so sorry you are struggling and your son is struggling .. the one thing I take away from the AA rooms is no one said at the age of 6 .. gee, I want to grow up and be an alcoholic. My son struggles with the idea at the age of 9 he might grow up and be like his dad .. it is heart breaking to listen to some of those fears as he verbalizes them.

I get a lump in my throat reading about all of the parents here who deal with children in the throws of addiction. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs S :)

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grateful2be


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I'm listening, el cee. Your words have been mine on this journey of surrender. When we free them to walk their paths, we free ourselves, too. It is sad and it is dreadfully painful at first. After awhile, we see the gift we have given them - the right to make their own choices without our interference except two - the love we have for them that will never end and the prayers we can offer for them daily. There will be people who come into his life, el cee. They won't be you, but they will be able to do with and for him what you can't and shouldn't do. Lots of care, el cee.

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KennyFenderjazz


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Sending you prayers el-cee.

Kenny

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Tricia911


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((((((((El-cee))))))))))

 

Sending cyber hugs and positive thoughts. Putting some prayers in for you. 

 

Keep working your program el-cee, YOu are so worth it.

 

Tricia



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el-cee


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Thank you for your kind responses, they lifted me and I felt much better as the night went on. Im feeling the power of this fellowship right now and im so grateful its in my life.x

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PP


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(((((elcee)))))



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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Feeling sad tonight.