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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Am i the only one like this ...
Post Info TOPIC: Am i the only one like this ...
messedupgirl


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Am i the only one like this ...
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I said i was going to share my story, it's not an easy one to share, but the reason I am so messedup , perfect handle name for me ... been married 18 years, "A" drinks and was a drinker when we met, .. i was concern and voiced it in the wrong way, told him if he did not control his drinking he would end up like his dad and brother, telling one he is an alcoholic or becoming one is apparently not the way to go , this was years ago , well things only progress, he's not a heavy drinker but daily almost, I could handle the drinking but the verbal abuse is getting progressively worst,

a few years back he had an affair, left us ( my son and I ) for this woman, it lasted a year, the break up was really hard on my son, long story short I took him back, took him back for all the wrong reasons, but things were great for about 6 months , to which it went back to old ways , and he continued talking and seeing this other woman, we now live under the same roof, separate rooms for the last two years...

Two wrongs don't make a right, this is shameful to admit, but if i am going to get the help i need i believe honesty is needed , about two years ago i met a man on line, we never met in person, but the emotional affair we are having is just as bad if not harder, he picked me up when i was falling apart, made me feel beautiful , cared for and loved, I would get the cute loving emails , everything a girl wants to hear, over our time on line we built a dream to meet and fly into the sunset, although cyber lovers we would have fights, we care deeply for one an other, and I don't know if anyone else have been in my situation , but cyber hugs, and kisses , we even cyber made love to each other , sounds crazy huh, how does one fall in love with a man she never met, seen, or even heard his voice... anyways took me two years but I am ready emotionally to leave my "A", i deserve better then being put down daily, my online is puling away from me now, says he waited long enough, and promises that never came true in the past have left him wondering if it will ever happen, only I never made promises, this confuses me so much, and only makes me realize that there may never be better ...

So here I am two men in my life and I spent valentine day alone crying, neither one bothered to show care and affection....Did not expect it from my "A"  I know I am to look after me , and not to focus on my expectations of others, I get the can not control others choices, but their choices create my reactions , good or bad ...

my vent maybe i will read this again after working this program a few years and think differently , I'm sorry hmm just messedup and just want to feel love and wanted ...

 



-- Edited by messedupgirl on Saturday 15th of February 2014 10:23:22 AM

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grateful2be


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(((mug))) Al-Anon helps us learn to love and value ourselves as we are - with or without a partner. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you are working a program. I concur with your tentative conclusion - "maybe I will read this again after working this program a few years and think differently." Keep coming back and attending Alanon meetings. You may even see changes in your thinking about these issues in a few months and not years.



-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 15th of February 2014 08:35:35 PM

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
KennyFenderjazz


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Keep coming back mug. You are worth it and don't need a man to validate you, you nee to be able to validate yourself and that is what Am Anon will give you.then you can choose a man and not fear that the one that choose you "...May never be better".

I am finally working on myself after years of living in the shadows of other people, including my AW, and I am finally (starting to) become a real person who can decide for myself what I want and won't put up with.

Peace
Kenny

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david62


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Welcome, MUG!

One of the greatest things Al-Anon continues to teach me is how not to let "their choices create my reactions".

As I have learned and grown in the program it becomes more and more clear that I always have choices. Choices about how I want to live. How I want to feel. Other people are going to do what they are going to do, be who they are going to be. It is up to me to be me.

Keep Coming Back! It works if you work it!

David



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Laughter is the Beginning of Healing
el-cee


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Your not the only one like this. I thought someone would save me and give me a good life but it's fantasy not reality. Our happiness and better life comes from us. Our own inner place. Self love will get you what you want. Work the program.x

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Debilyn


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When a person is mentally and emotionally abused it is hard to make decisions or carry on a happy life. I can sure understand falling in love with someone you meet online. all you share is your spirit,your inside you. to me it is no different than meeting any other way,it will either work or it won't.

what I did many years ago was be alone for a long time, went back to college, concentrated on building up me.I learned to like myself.when we are with an A it makes us very sick. their disease is always pulling us down. Of course this other guy made you feel better, You are starving for love.

I hope you think about for now thinking of only you. find out who you are,make goals, figure out your passions, what YOU want to do.

Myself I could not take a man back who cheated on me. Maybe you are finding out you cannot either. In fact you started to look for love elsewhere.

when things are like this for me, I have to take a break, be alone and start a new path.

keep coming, debilyn



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"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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