I am freaking out - Al-Anon Family Group

jillybean1 · Senior Member

I am freaking out

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow. I guess serenity prayer to HO would help you with what is yours and what not. If your name is on insurance probably a good idea to call. Otherwise you already had a plan for total separation, right? Maybe there really isn't any change needed from that. You new slogan is great! Good luck, and lots of hugs to you Kenny

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I love that slogan!! It has kept me out of soooo many messes I can't remember. Another one I like when I think of this is "So what is my part in it"? along with "Don't react"!! and I'm remembering once driving my car to a meeting and whinning to HP about whatever the hell I was whinning about and that steady signal came out of my radio...Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep followed by "This is a test...this is only a test" Yes it was and I think I passed it. One of the concerns I use to have was with the questions my sponsor use to greet me with after a "freak out event". "So why did you do that"? and then "Why did you do it that way"? I did more inventories on my actions and reactions with my sponsor than a department store. In support. ((((hugs)))) smile

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm so so sorry. Let just pray his new problem with maybe a DWI will get him to think more. Oh and yes the serenity prayer is what is needed right now.

((( hugs )))

jillybean1 · Senior Member

Okay I did slip, (But not too far) I was asked by the cop to sign for him and watch him for 12 hours.......if not he would go to jail. I mulled this over and I just couldn't deal with the picture of him in jail....I called his aunt and she took him in-----so I still don't have him here, and I don't feel so bad picturing his sorry mug in the hoosgow. But I see problems down the road......I will most likely have to get a restraining order because he is ramping up his anxiety now with this new problem.

I hate this feeling of the wavering---it goes against my braveness I have been trying to get for myself.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Repeat after me, "I am not perfect...I am doing the best I can with what I have". Save for later also. ((((hugs)))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Unless this is your car...there are people who say, I am not responsible for him or his car, hang up.

well he will go to jail, not my problem, hang up.

In my experience when I choose not to be part of the insanity, I don't. Don't call me, he is an adult that is his problem.

jillybean1 · Senior Member

Jerry What's my part in it? yes that is what got to me.....I always took the car keys when I knew he was drunk. I knew he would tear the house up looking for them and be on my back but I would not endanger any other people who may be in his path.

In this case I put all his crap in his car....I just didn't know they were going to dope him up at the hospital --- or I wouldn't have locked him out of the house.

OMG I had such a good plan and it fell apart

So I guess my part in it was that I am not the all knowing powers that be....that there are things I can't control---or predict......that I can't make him believe that taking drugs to solve all his problems is not always a good thing. sometimes you DO have to suffer in life without the benefit of mind altering chemicals in your brain----sometimes you have to "man up" and take what life throws at ya.

Yes I guess my part in it all today was that I did the best I could and it just didn't work out the way I thought it would.

But......I learned from it------and knowledge is power.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Big Hugs))))) smile

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Jillybean, you are doing great, honestly, I wish I could have some of your courage and I love that slogan. You, are not alone.x

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

Jill you are such a brave woman. Keep trying. Yeah, your plan didn't work out exactly, but he's not in your house, so the real objective was met, right?

10 days in the old hoosgow was my AWs bottom. She came out of that into rehab. While in rehab every time she had a negative comment or feeling she just thought to herself "I could be in this place, or I could be in jail. Hmm, let's see, which is the better choice?" She is about to get her 90 day chip due to that experience.

wornoutmrsfixit · Senior Member

To echo what Kenny said, a run in with the law is finally what got my AH to sober up too. He was charged with reckless driving (just under the legal limit for a DWI) but the judge ordered an ignition lock system installed on his car along with regularly cheduled therapy and BAC tests. He had made some good changes on his own (therapy and AA) and was trying to stop but the law becoming involved gave him that extra push to stick to it. He has gone back to work and become productive again. Since he wasn't drinking, he was finally able to start on the antidepressants medication that the therapist had been wanting him to take. Anyway, long story short - don't fear law enforcement getting involved. It could save his life or at least give him a good taste of the life,he could still have without alcohol.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Jelly, .. I think you are being to hard on yourself .. I kicked my stbax out in 2010 and he wound up with a DUI and you know what .. that was MY bottom and I finally reached a point where I had to do something different and I did .. I started attending alanon and working on me. I have had slips in terms of I did do some enabling. I have stopped completely at this point and he's gotten a full message of that because I allowed the law to take him to jail. The final straw for me was thinking about the fact I was going to have to do this for the next 9 years or longer and he was completely disregarding ALL of the boundaries not only I set however the courts had set. I'm just to the point that this was necessary .. how that has affected him in terms of choosing recovery I'm going to say not so much.

He's got his own walk with his own HP and I'm not it.

Sometimes the lowest lows are the ones that are the necessary wake up call they need .. sometimes not so much .. the ironic thing is the nasty letters I would get from his atty about how he wasn't an alcoholic and guess what .. YES ... he is and YES now he has even MORE of a record to prove it.

Take a deep breath and just know his stuff .. that is ALL his stuff and the only way I get dragged in is when oh say the police department calls me to tell me that they are doing a well check can I come and check on him .. LOL .. umm .. noooo .. then find out he's actually in the mental ward under a involuntary admission.

Hugs .. S :)

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.