The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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When he doesn't even call to see if you are safe in a snowstorm with 3 small kids.
He doesn't get the oil filled up before the snowstorm hits.
I am do stupid because all he cares about is getting his alcohol. I give up. I am scared to be out there alone. The fear of being alone keeps me being with an awful person who is doing me harm.
What does that say about me. I deserve so much in life and I am tired of all this hate and anger I have for staying in such a bad relationship.
No happy valentines day.. like I didn't see this coming.
I have shut down even to have a relationship with him.
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I have hope that my next minute will be better and to learn from my last minute.
Hope: in relation to who would stay with a person like your AH- you've only stayed up to this point AND you are seriously considering ending it because you know you deserve better. Listen, I know they encourage 6 months of meetings before making life altering decisions, BUT your words state to me that you do recognize some of your own value and worthiness and that it's just fear that has been crippling you. My experience has been that the 12 steps are designed for us to not live in fear and to become the version of ourselves that we were meant to be before fear crippled us and got in the way. Having 3 kids with a person who has a life threating illness who is refusing treatment for that illness is a horrible situation and connundrum that no person should have to face and make decisions based off of. You will get through this because I already hear strength in your posts and you are reaching out.
I am also glad you are reaching out for support and realise you are not alone.
It sounds like you realise you are powerless over your husbands sickness. He is ill and can not meet your needs at this time. We can not make them get help again we are powerless.
the second part of step1 states our lives have become unmanageable this is where we have to muster up the courage and strength to change the things we can. I needed to put my needs first as my partner was so ill and I was going under with him, this was hard but I had to for my sanity.
I hope you are getting to face to face meeting and have a sponsor and al anon friends to support you through this difficult time. They say in al anon to focus on one day at a time and try not to project about what the future holds. When my partners illness was at its worst I needed to sometimes stay in the hour and think about only that hour because I was so hurt and confused.
things can get better but we have to put the work in we can not get your partner well but al anon can support you. You are taking the hardest step by reaching out continue to do this. I do not know if you have a higher power or any kind of faith but today I do and something had lead you to al anon trust that it will get better if you keep coming back.
Hope, look at the bottom of my signature. That was the first question I asked when I came to Al Anon and when I started coming to these boards. Who am I and I was struggling to find myself. I understand exactly where you are and I can tell you that you will have lots of bumps in the road but that things will get better when you start putting the focus on who you are by working a program, finding a good sponsor, and going through the steps.
A friend of mine in program always says, "The answers are in the steps." In the beginning I thought she was crazy. I'm finally beginning to understand. Personal growth is a process but it's never too late to start. Keep coming back! HUGS!
