The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am lonesome and bored right now which can always get me into trouble. I have 4 classes, a part time job, my almost 16 year old at home, but am feeling like maybe it is time to look into the love life again. I have picked some doozies for sure. God is always in control and I try to follow His lead humbly. I am not desperately searching just starting to open my eyes and look around. I have been working out for over an hour M-F before classes and just wonder if it could be time. The last guy seemed to have isms even though he did not drink much at all. I broke it off last Summer early and he is still texting me with no reply from me. I sure know how to pick them in the past and am a bit nervous for that reason. The exAH is going back to AA and I am giving him a few weeks yet with my 5 year old to see if we are going to uproot her back here or not. How will I know if it is time? I want someone to hang out with and hug at the end of a rough day and to share some simple hobbies with and just compliment my journey as I support them. I know no one can tell me an exact amount of time that being single will heal me, but I am trying to do the work to have a healthy relationship at some point and feel good within myself alone. It is by far the hardest aspect of my life to be able to date a guy, not lose myself and not freak out. Bring on the ESH on how other people eventually found a healthy relationship or not. Sending you all love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Greetings Breakingfree!
I don't have any experience on this one but can relate to that feeling of wanting to test the waters. With awareness I hope that when I do I will manage to keep my priorities in focus. I think that it would help me to work out what it is that I need from a relationship - I can't quite fathom that yet (I'm still wanting to give too much!) I imagine that you are looking pretty hot with all that time in the gym and deserve a bit of appreciative fun!
After two years of the stbax being out of the house .. a year of no back and forth games I have yet to be on a first date. Pretty much .. I'm still married .. lol. It's safe and how I think. I would like to have a person in my life and I share the same struggles especially with the kids being so young and I don't want a line of revolving men. They are going to get that with their dad enough. I believe I will hopefully know and I will listen to my HP when it comes to choosing .. I also believe if I am bored, lonely, restless and so on .. I am only going to find trouble. It is far better for me to reach for my HP than a relationship with a man. I think real love comes softly and slowly .. I will know when I know .. and I have a better idea of what I'm worth. I will choose not to ignore the red flags. Hugs ;)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I was thinking about this the other day, playing one of those 'what if I wasn't married scenarios' in my head. I think I'd have to find someone who enjoys the same things as me: the same viewpoint on health and wellness, someone who wants to learn how to better take care of their body and actually takes responsibility for it, someone who doesn't have any red flags, LOL. You know, the perfect guy that probably doesn't exist, LOL!
Anyway, I like what Lisa said. If I'm trying to fill a hole with the presence of a man, instead of reaching for God, then I might be asking for trouble. It's probably how I got into this marriage in the first place, looking to fill a void. Most of my friends who are on their second marriages started off as friends with their spouses and had met them at the places they both frequented the most: the coffee shop, the gym, church events, mutual friends and outings with those friends, etc. I think that just living your life and being open to the opportunity is what can bring that about for anybody single.
When you're at the gym, are there any group classes you could take where both men and women attend? What about your dog? Can you start taking the dog to the dog park or somewhere where you just sit outside with him on a leash where people can greet him and meet you, too? Seriously, a friend of mine met her awesome boyfriend this way!! She would sit at Starbucks outside with her dog at her feet and people would come up and pet him. This one guy, who was a regular at Starbucks, kept seeing her there and greeting her and they started dating.
Yesterday, while hiking with my mom and the dog, we met a nice guy who was mountain biking. He actually stopped and started talking to us (most bikers just want to get past the people who are walking on the trails and get on with their rides, fyi) and was very engaging to speak with. Don't know if he was married or not, but I know that just being friendly and being yourself is the best way to let others into your life.
Hugs, you're doing great taking care of yourself and your kids. You're juggling a LOT, I have no idea how you do it all! Someone will come across your path, it's too bad that we don't have a crystal ball to predict the future, though. ((BF))
My story. I was Done. No more men, some could find and maintain a healthy relationship. To me, I obviously could not. I was NEVER going to go through the misery I did for 22 years again. Ever. Period. I was good with that decision. Not a man hater. Just did not trust Me.
So later, doing what I love to do, mission work in nursing. I met a nice guy. He kindly, politely pursued. We shared our commonalities. Met at an Angel Tree Camp, for kids with parents incarcerated to be "normal" and cherished for a weekend. He a boys cabin counselor and me the camp nurse. We had much in common, our passions in life. An appropriate relationship. He respected me.
Then I went on a mission trip to another country, 3rd world. Again, a nurse, met he, a construction worker building an orphanage. Our passions for missions were our common ground. He mild mannered, our faith shared and passion for helping others.
Today, we are married 13 years. Exactly what I Never was going to do again. His addiction? Cookies. I swear, the Original cookie monster.
My advice, follow your passions without the idea of meeting someone. Do what is fulfilling to you. No Compromise:) Best Regards, and Happiness will be yours again.
Thanks for the ESH everyone, I know and I feel it is time to wait and not search. I need to let God fill me up with His love and that is enough. ilovedogs you know it is 2 degrees outside here in Northeast Wisconsin, haha, maybe in the Summer I will try out your ideas. I was already feeling my HP telling me to slow down and not try to force this and well I heard him. Thanks all!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I'm so glad to see the conclusion you came to, BF. It just felt overwhelming to me for you to be going to school, working part-time, raising children, working your program and trying to fit in a new relationship, too. Since I'm not you, I decided just to wait and see what you decided was best for you and wow! What a nice thing to read today. You are one wise woman, BF, in seeking guidance and heeding it.
