The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband has been sober for almost two years until Jan 30, he went missing for two days and not came home, or call because he was drinking at another guys house who also is a AA. The wife of his AA buddy does not care if her husband drinks every day and enables him and drives her husband around when he is drunk. Sunday morning he called me to pick him up where he was at, and I told him " NO". He was very upset and came home and told him that his buddy wife supports him why cant I support him and picked him up from where he was at.
It has brought me to tears and panic and anxiety because for the last several days he has not been home again for three days until last night he came home after drinking three days straight and not eating at the same guys house. He tells me he is sorry for making me go thru this emotional hurt but he cannot promise me that he will stop, because he cannot control it at this moment and does not understand why he cant stop. Im scared, Im tired emotionally, mentally and physcially. On time of this I also have family issues and financial issues that I have alot on my plate. I have bought books that Im reading to help him and education myself on the disease, I went to my first Al anon meeting and it was a great experience to know that Im not alone, I have set myself up to see my therapis again and hope I can find peace and serenity in me and my life. I feel alone!
You are not alone here my friend. I know so well that fear and worry you are experiencing. I have been working on me for a year now and it's not easy and it's a slow go but I am making progress.
One of the first things I needed to do was to stop all the enabling. They have take responsibility for their actions and not give them to us. That won't help them one bit. I gave my son so many soft landings he expects it now. He's learning as am I now. Next was boundaries for me which I also have in place. I work hard not to cross those boundaries I have in place because if I do nothing changes. Hard lesson.
Alcohol is cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. Same for the alcoholic.
I hope you bought the book " Getting them Sober " vol: 1 by Toby Rice Drew. Great book to read on coping and understanding.
Keep coming back my friend.....there is hope
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Sorry to hear that NSW, welcome to MIP. Al Anon meetings will at first just make you happy other people understand and that you aren't insane!! Then, they will help you start growing and understanding the disease. Then they will just start growing *you*!
Glad you already understand enabling to some extent, it took me a while to get the concept.
Just remember, you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you won't cure it. It is all up to him.
Alcoholism is soooo cunning, powerful and baffling as Cathy said that it can easily take down an alcoholic Navy Seal. You got family here and great that you found were we meet and went there also. The rooms have tons of printed information including daily readers and how our program works. Please keep coming back. You have courage and the meetings and MIP can help support your courage. If he is clueless about how he can proceed see if he remembers his sponsors number. If he can't or never had a sponsor in AA let him try to figure it out. You cannot fix an alcoholic...they gotta do that for themselves and want to beyond everything else. There is no such thing as a drinking AA fellow (alcohol that is) When we are drinking we are not WORKING THE PROGRAM. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
