I would HIGHLY suggest attending an Al-Anon meeting for parents in your area. That is how I was able to learn how to deal with my AD and her many, many challenges. I soon found out that the way I was helping her (by giving her money and a car to drive) was not the kind of help that she really needed. It was well meaning on my part (because that is what we parents do), but it's a whole different strategy to learn with you are dealing with adult children who are addicts and/or alcoholics. Sending you lots of support right. Time for you and your husband to take care of the both of YOU!

Just Google "Alanon" to find meetings in your area.

Dearest, your husband is correct. We need to do nothing for the A. It hurts I know! As you can see, when we "help" it is not what they really need. "Getting Them Sober," is the book that really educated me. By toby rice drew. volume one.

get it on amazon

Your daughter is an adult. When we do anything for them they can do for themselves we are taking away her chance to use her own power. Why should she get a job, a place? She can mooch off you guys.

She is very sick, its a disease, even in her dna! With our A's we set up boundaries and important, consequences.

ex: daughter you are not allowed to live in our home if you are gambling and or using drugs. It is your choice.

daughter you are not welcome in our home, you are an adult and need to take care of yourself.

do not be wishy washy. she needs you to be tough. (no caps arthritis sorry)

she needs to feel all the horrors of her disease, to get to where she does not want to be like that anymore. We take her chance away from her when we enable her.

we show our love by saying no, and protecting ourselves from this disease.

We at mip are right here to support you. please come here and vent, share anytime, lots of us will respond to you.We all know what you are feeling believe me.

My experience is, when I told my son pack up, go find your way....I can still see him with his back pack at the door leaving. I was a mess, felt so bad.

But he was old enough to go to school, get a job whatever. He had to figure it out. And he did, he is an amazing person now, I am so proud of him. but honestly it was one of the hardest, horrible things I had to do as a very, loving, caring mother.

I was a widow so did not have my husbands support. ugh.

Please come back, meetings are great. the number to find one in your area is at the end of my share here.

She is in a pit, her disease is working hard to pull you into it. Please do not allow it to destroy you. It will try, their disease makes us sicker than them.

If she wants rehab it is totally up to her to figure it out, I am talking finding one, how to get there, all of it. she has to do it all. no one can do it for her. If you do, you take away her ability to do it for herself.

You can always pm people too. believe me we care! sincerely! debilyn