Good Morning - Al-Anon Family Group

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Good Morning

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Cathy, .. isn't it nice though that you don't have to be the one caretaking? I'm so glad things are going better and that you are moving along on HP's plan.

I think it's interesting the dichotomy you mention .. wanting to have his cake and eat it too in terms of he's grateful but he hates it. That probably explains my relationship with my stbax .. he wanted me to just take care of everything so he didn't have to and yet he resented that I did it.

He'll grow up when he's ready and not a moment before .. something that the open AA meetings and ALanon have given to me is that gift of realizing oh crap .. I'm really a grown up and I have to deal .. interestingly enough I get that message from AA far more than Alanon .. don't know why that is .. it is though.

Hugs S :)

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Good to hear from you, Cathy. I can remember the first time I told my son "no" about something that he wanted/needed. He was so angry. I can remember sitting side by side with him in a visitor's room in his facility and watching him grow red. I said, "I'm telling you no because I know that on the surface you'll love me if I put money in your account. But, down deep, you will resent it. You are fully capable of making your own money and learning how to live on a budget." Your son's letter to you affirms what I said to my son. Because no one would put money in his account, he was able to see the doors open to what he could do to create his own money and to live within his means. He wrote me letters later proudly sharing how he had made his own money and how he was spending it. His final sentence in relationship to that context? "And nobody did it for me."

Letting go of doing what we've always done might not result in changes on our loved one's part - that is between them and their HP, but it certainly frees us to live our own lives as you are doing as people with challenges and dreams of our own that we can meet and put flesh on.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

He just called complaining his father locked up his bike and he can't ride it. He was drunk or drugged..... I'm so sad. What is to happen now I do not know. It makes me so sad I had to let it go and hang up the phone.

PS: Now I know why he said he was so sick and his father wouldn't let him sleep.....

To be honest....he called me...I said he was drunk or drugged...he cried that he wasn't and nobody believes him and then hung up on me. Now he has no one left is my thinking. That's how sick I am.

-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Tuesday 11th of February 2014 11:47:31 AM

-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Tuesday 11th of February 2014 12:39:46 PM

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

well remember he is the age he started drinking cathy.

His father is not doing him any favors, why should he grow up, he has daddy to take care of him. He has no idea what it feels like to be hungry and alone and have to use his own self to figure things out.

We grow by facing challenges and getting through them.

I am glad you are ok and doing better. I want you to remember too, they lie.

I am ever so glad you are part of us. as you can see we have some more people who just came on who have kids in the same situation. You are needed! love,debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.