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Well I guess I could feel it coming. I must say I was a bit surprised at how fast it came. Even with all the warnings I still melted down. I came home from the movies with the kids and he was toast -- stick a fork in him -- he was done. I got ahold of our counselor and he said to try to ride it out tonight and get him to a session tomorrow (doubt he will go). But I pissed him off big time because I did not feel safe in the house so I changed the gun safe combo and then took his car keys because he is a danger to others on the road. I know this is a lot of meddling but I couldn't live with myself if he hurt someone else ( hurting himself is in his and God's hands). Now he is just driving me batty with constant arguing and I can't leave, me and the kids are trapped for now.....unless he does something cop worthy........right now he is just a royal pain.
My boundary for him was that he can't stay home if he is drinking................ but unless he walks I guess he will stay here.
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You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. (Dr. Suess)
Jilly: I don't see that you meddled. I see that you had the presence of mind to avert a possible disaster. You trusted your gut and moved forward with courage to change the things you can. As far as your boundary setting - well, you set it for him - and it didn't work. That happens. Can you and the children go for a ride, to the grocery, to the movies, to your parents, to a motel for the night?
I feel bad for you. I too don't think you meddled with the car keys or the gun safe. When they were drunk nothing matters. I am sending you positive thoughts.
You are protecting you and your kids.
My sponsor told me keep doing the next right thing. Trust your gut instincts.
You deserve the best.
Sending you hugs!
Hope
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I have hope that my next minute will be better and to learn from my last minute.
This is the problem I have had with boundaries as well. You can set one, but if you don't know how you will put it into action, it can get crossed with impunity. But there are things you can do to leave, as Grateful mentioned. I have gone for long car rides before. Motel, family, neighbors, friends.
JillyB...that's how it works sometimes. Pray that in the 3 days he didn't drink he learned something new he can use later on. Sucks for you and the kids. Maybe he'll listen tomorrow morning to the short version of how it sucked without it coming to a discussion. He'll get to hear the body language for sure if you aren't able to keep your body from screaming. I was hardly very able to shut my body language down when I was in your spot. My alcoholic/addict watched it all until I learned to detach and let go and let God. (((((you and the kids)))))
I'm sorry to hear it. Even though you know the odds, it is still a shock and a heartbreaking letdown. I've been there too but on the bright side, I do agree with Jerry in that each treatment and bit of time spent alcohol free is planting seeds that hopefully will take root one day.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
(((JB))) I'm sorry you're dealing with this. For me, boundaries are more an art than a science- I practice them and modify them accordingly to what makes sense and what works. Boundaries need enforceable outcomes... not as a punishment, but as a protection and a way to keep your serenity. It's the line you won't tow- so, if he drinks, what is it that you can do that keeps you safe and maintains your serenity in tact? Keep focusing on you and keep safe.
Sending prayers
In support
-- Edited by bud on Monday 10th of February 2014 09:55:15 AM
I can't even begin to imagine what your life is like. I thought my situation was stressful (my dad is the alcoholic in our family but I don't have to live with him) . I think there are times when we have to do what we think is best at the time and you hear so many horrible news stories about guns and drunk drivers etc that I think you made a sensible choice even though you knew that you would get grief for it.
You are an extremely brave and strong person to be dealing with this and I sincerely hope that you find a happier safer life for you and your children
