Let down again by the exAH yeah big surprise...... - Al-Anon Family Group

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Let down again by the exAH yeah big surprise......

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Sorry to hear that you are faced with this dilemma. I trust that you and your HP will make the next right move in determining what is in your daughter's best interest. Sending lots of support.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Sending love and support .. this is one of those things you are going to have to turn over to your higher power. When I do that and trust my higher power it really makes things a lot easier. Please do not beat yourself up over the initial decision. You did the right thing for you and your kid based upon the information you had and now you have new information. That is ok .. Hugs .. it is a positive he's owning his drinking however that is something HE needs to discuss with a sponsor as you stated this approach is not working. S :)

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

(((BF)))
Please be gentle with yourself- you are dealing with a very powerful, cunning, and baffling disease and while in school! I can understand your desire and hope that the Dad would come through with the agreement as far as the daughter is concerned.

You're making decisions based on the information that you have at the time.

Maybe, he is trying and this is the best that he could do and he was able to be honest and share it with you. (not condoning or excusing) Slips seem to happen more often earlier in recovery.

When my daughter was younger, it was important for me to have more than one back up plan as often as I could. It was an awkward juggling act and I had to make choices regarding her schooling. I was able to speak with the school principle, whom I trusted, and he provided some helpful suggestions.

I also returned to school when my daughter was younger and know how the strains and stresses affect me. (I completed the program, lived through it all, and ironically I'm back in school for further training.) You can get through this. Take a few deep breaths, keep doing the next right thing, and take things one day at a time.

Sending prayers

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

On a positive note he did call and own up, but it is also unacceptable with your daughter there. I am so sorry. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I sent him an email saying I want her back by Spring break and will wait to see how he is going to respond. Oh brother.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Two drinking sessions (at least) in a very short amount of time ... not good. I'm glad he told you rather than you finding out in some worse way. I assume he is driving her around ... not good.

Maybe when she comes back she can start over in a different kindergarten class?

I think we've all had that "yeah big surprise" moment. I hope you'll take good care of yourself and your little girl.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Im sorry Breakingfree, I know how you struggled with your decision and the pressure you have been under.

Im wondering why he told you, maybe its my suspicious mind but is he fed up with having the responsibility so this is a good way to get what he wants? Through my own experience, my ex would throw in these little doom and gloom scenarios knowing full well that I would panic and quickly go into fix it mode, leaving him free as a bird.

Part of me, having lived this kind of situation, thinks tell him he needs to deal with this, he is her parent and needs to take full responsibility for looking after her, including dealing with his drink problem, then let it go and keep an eye on things from a distance. Unless you feel your daughter is in immediate danger of abuse or neglect then maybe its a chance to practice hands off.

Talk to your daughter, how is she feeling about things, is she happy? is she thriving? You are a great Mom, dont let anyone tell you different.x

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

((((BF)))) go slow sister...you can only carry so much weight...we have learn that very well. My lessons on "don't react" were gold during that time in program. I had to s l o w d o w n so that I didn't make bigger and badder mistakes like I did before the program. Our slogan "Think" also worked and I learned to think with my sponsor and with my fellowship and with my HP while not relying solely on the brain I came into Al-Anon with. Do not use put down language with your self or resort to blame and shame...that aint about healing thats about joining the disease and re-abusing yourself....Uh uh...not allowed. (((((hug yourself)))) smile

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh BF. ...sharing custody with an A...it's SO tough.

Every time my 11 yo goes with my ex, I obsess whether he will be okay. Ex now taking opiates, methadone, and drinking periodically. I make sure exA is not impaired when he picks up my son...but there are no guarantees once he is in the ex's care. I am in such a dilemma, because my son loves his Dad, and wants to spend time with him, but my heart is in my throat every time he goes.

no answers for either of us, I'm afraid...just wanted you to know I'm with you in spirit

sending strength

RP

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

would it be an option to get your kiddo in a different school district?

you know i care about you guys.

I do support you in getting her back. You may want to look into homeschooling for kindergarten I know it is adding more to your plate, but it is an option. '

hugs, debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.