The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I look at my marriage which is broken. I don't even have enough money to get a divorce. my Ah stopped drinking and got a job.
I am wondering how am I going to live with this man who cheated on me and lied to me. His recovery is God no 12 steps no counseling because they would pick on him for what he has done to me.
I have 3 small children and no job.
Lost Hope
__________________
I have hope that my next minute will be better and to learn from my last minute.
When you are hopeless let me be a living example of hope.
I too have 3 small children. I have also been lied to and cheated on.
I felt hopeless and shattered. You are not alone.
Please keep reaching out and focus on taking care of you regardless of what A may or may not do.
You can do this. You are worth it. Keep coming back.
The promises of Al anon are true. It works if you work it.
This too shall pass.
I am sending you a great big hug and lots of love and support.
I have a lot of anger to vent here, and have been doing it regularly, slowly telling my story to everyone, until I'm sure people are tired of hearing it. but everybody does listen, because others listened to them before. Keep sharing your feelings!
Keep working on yourself, going to meetings if you possibly can. Be as selfish as you need to be, because there is nothing you can do that will make him take a drink. There is also nothing you can do to keep him from taking a drink. My now sober AW has told me that, it's good to hear it from her.
I'm curious as to whether your AH thinks they would pick on him at AA? I don't have a lot of experience at AA, I'm sure some others will respond who do, but I don't think picking on people is what goes on there.
Attending an open AA meeting would be good as well. But if you go and tell AH that it was wonderful, and it would be good for him, don't expect him to just go. It will happen or it won't.
Don't give up. God is more powerful then all our troubles. Many of us here have been where you are right now. What I found worked for me was working on ME. Amazingly the other things started to take care care of themselves. Keep working your steps and keep coming back.
You are not alone!
Tricia
-- Edited by Tricia911 on Friday 7th of February 2014 06:11:21 PM
Thanks for the encouragement. I just thought the lying was over after Ah stopped drinking.
I am going the other way of not talking.
The lying just stuck me down hard especially since I had a meeting this am on trust.
And then I am up against no trust.
I have been trying to work on myself but I find that I am by myself doing my recovery. He doesn't even respect that I go to meetings. He didn't even say hi when by sponsor came by.
I pray that God will show me what he wants see. To show me that I am worth someone to redpect me and be nice to me.
I know I can't do anything so God if he needs to be out of my life please make it happen. I know you can do the impossible.
__________________
I have hope that my next minute will be better and to learn from my last minute.
When your feeling stuck and can't leave for what ever reason accept it and * Bloom Where Your Planted * it is possible to get happy regardless of what he is doing . In recovery there will come a time that you will know when its time to go or its okay to stay . My husb did the dry drunk route for 9 months and it was hell worse than the drinking days , he eventually left our home to drink again , he was gone 6months drank himself almost to death and decided to quit , we have 24 yrs of sobriety in our home to day . Ya never know what your HP has in store for you . don't give up on you .. Louise
Aloha Hope...try more hopemore than hopeless...I felt hopeless when I first got into the program and then was taught that I wasn't helpless...that I could get into my own recovery ...for myself... and work it so that I could gain and regain a life worth living for me. I worked for me and does for many who work the program. You are not doing it so that he acknowledges your changes and wants to be a better person himself. He will not like your sponsor or anyone else in "your" program...fact is he is probably affraid of any indication that you are getting better...different than what you use to be like. Allow him to be affraid and standoffish...its okay and normal. You are doing this for you because you are responsible to you and for how your life comes out. Feeling stuck is normal for a newbie...keep hanging out here and in your meetings and trusting what you hear and see and feel. Truthfully this program does work. Follow up on the suggestions from those who have made changes in their lives because of the Al-Anon Program. Get closer to your sponsor and the fellows in your meeting and don't let concerns and feelings about "him" interrupt your growth. Get a Higher Power greater than your alcoholic. I did and found a miracle. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
Go to an Alanon meeting if you can, if not go to the meetings here. Go to the Alanon website and invest in a few leaflets that look like they could help, they dont cost much. Start getting to know this philosophy and you will start to feel better, much better. Or you can stay in that place of no hope, self pity, resentment and misery. You do have choices.x
You have received some wonderful responses, I would also add that just doing what you can do, for yourself, will take the 'less' off of hopeless and there you'll be with hope again. Keep coming here, get to meetings, know that you are not alone. God is bigger than all of our problems, yes. What and important and humbling thing to remember.
I can be a concrete person--when I pray the serenity prayer, there are times that I actually look at my life and put into columns :1) things I cannot change (let those go for now) 2) things I can (pray for strength to change them) 3) the difference between the two (more prayers to not get tangled up in what I can and can't change
Hang in there. It's a tough thing to go through.......(Divorce) . Have you checked into legal aid in your area? Many times, they will provide you a free attorney to help you, since you have no income. You might need to check with your local Family Independence Agency.
Good luck. Hopeless and Hopemore. Stay strong.
(((((((((Hopes)))))))))))
__________________
Learning to find the joys of me. One day at a time.
My therapist told me that trust will take about a year to come back, that is if everything goes smoothly. Trust is my big issue. My husband is home from rehab for 2 days and most times I am fine and not nervous............but there are those moments that creep up on me and I get a bit nuts---and then recover and let go. It's a constant application of things that I have learned and that can be exhausting at times. Gosh take the kids out to a park if you can and just breathe!! I know when I am starting to stress when I start to yell at the kids..........then I regroup and "keep calm and carry on".
__________________
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. (Dr. Suess)
It's been helpful to me for the short term to detail what I do have rather than what isn't available to me. If I focus on what isn't there, I sink deeper into helplessness. If I focus on what is there - in me and in the circumstances in my life - I am able to see choices that I have and options available that I didn't see before I changed my focus to what is.
