I had to laugh about a few things lately, first off I'm just in this really great place of acceptance LMH really hit home with her post.  It's so funny how priorities change and how I'm more able to roll with the waves that life throws at me when I take the approach of it is what it is, .. if I can change it I look to the wisdom of my HP of what is best for all concerned.  My kids have come to me at different times and said .. umm ... mom .. and all I think is OMGosh .. what happened and it has to be bad .. I got a bad grade or whatever .. I just laughed in relief. 

Pink was talking about he isn't God .. LOL .. Gosh that's a rough one isn't it?  Trying to fix, meddle and control people into how I think they should be and if I had it together I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing.  I fool myself into thinking I have more answers than not really .. it's a crazy line to walk.  How to let others just be in their disease accepting their choices.  I don't know if I can or not.  It's not easy that is for sure. 

Milkwood talking about the difference in dreams and ideas .. that just brings me back to what do I want out of the deal of this relationship .. my bigger issue is that .. I don't want just a relationship I want someone who I can relate to and have similar dreams and ideas.  Nothing has changed and yet everything has really.  If I think about what my stbax and I want we are on two different planets .. one of the last times we were together we were walking through a parking lot and he was looking at a 60k car, saying he wanted one of those, .. that is just not in my world in the least .. even if I won the lottery .. I think I would spend it once on a practical car, it's not a life long dream to own an extravagant car, and this was where I realized we were not on the same playing field.  I laughed out loud and said really?  You want to drive a house?  Out here that's about what you can buy a house for .. and it would be a decent house at that.  I'm thinking to myself .. please just pay your child support and I never have to talk to you again .. LOL.  I would rather invest into the kids education and do things like that vs buying a crazy expensive car I can't afford the insurance on.  There was no talking about emotions .. I wanted that .. him and my dad .. I'm complicated .. LOL .. ookkkk .. Mr Dui and serial cheater .. LOL .. I'm complicated .. I bet he thinks I'm a tornado now .. LOL! 

So much of my life recently has just really been so great in terms of just accepting where I am at and doing things differently .. at the same time just enjoying my life as it is .. not trying to live in something that doesn't exist.  I am grateful that Alanon has taught me how to let go of unrealistic expectations and that I don't want to play God .. I can't handle my own life let alone trying to fix manage and control other people's lives and I pretty much suck at it .. that has been hands down voted on. 

I just continue to open my mind to new possibilities .. when I am open so many wonderful things happen in my life. 

Last night was a rough night for the kids and I .. nothing big .. by the end of the week I'm pretty much done and I was way done at this point.  My daughter had a school thing to do and I got a call at 8pm she wanted to stay at the game going on for her pep band .. Friday night it would have been different .. not last night was not ok.  I got a little guy who has to get up early and go to school, plus the cold .. it was -8 this AM and there was no way at 10pm I was back out in it .. she was not a happy camper and I felt badly about it.  This would have been so nice for their dad to be able to step up and do what parents do .. however .. that was wishful thinking on my part .. he just won't and I could force the issue .. however it's not going to change anything really.  He would probably do it .. he would be a jerk and it would make it hard on my daughter.  So she was disappointed and crabby when I got her.  Poor thing had fallen on ice earlier I found out too.  So it was a good thing I said I was coming to get her.  My son was going on about some stuff and I told him .. hon .. I'm sorry there will be times you will be disappointed too .. so go easy on sis tonight.  Anyway, .. I wish I had a partner in all this and I don't .. it would be more trouble than it was worth big time.  It just is what it is and this will be short term. 

Hugs S :)