The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I never really understood why members don't crosstalk in F2F meetings, but I got it this past Tuesday. We are each working on ourself. And that's why I respect everyone there. We are honestly trying to better ourselves, by self-reflection. It's actually really cool. I've just finished my first 7 months of attending this same meeting and I am caring about all the members, and I feel they care about me. It's like a family without the gene pool. And we are all hurt and damaged in similar ways, all trying to heal. When I started MIP message board, I thought this would be all I need. NO. I love the board and plan to stay connected, but the F2F meeting really pushes you onward, doing the work with live human beings. The whole alanon thing is great! Lyne
I agree Lynn, Face-to-Face meetings are powerful tools in our recovery toolbox. I really found the no crosstalk rule very beneficial when I first entered the rooms. I must note that I came from a family where everybody gave advice and knew what everyone else should do. I stopped sharing with them long before I came to alanon because I didn't like the advice.
I loved the fact that no crosstalk was permitted at the meeting. This meant that no one could interrupt me, tell me that I was wrong,or tell me what I should do. Now that I have been attending meetings for quite some time I see another value to this requirement. Since recovery means that I focus on myself, I must practice this tool constantly in a meeting so that I am not tempted to interrupt, or give advice. It is so very easy to fall into old behaviors.
I took awhile to become comfortable with the silence between speakers at my meetings , until I understood that we were respecting each other and we were listening actually listening to what they were sharing , cross talk always made me feel as if what I had just shared was wrong . chairpersons who feel the need to comment after people share have the same effect on me , and it wastes a lot of valuable time sometimes resulting in a few people not having enough time to speak . If on occasion one of our meetings is small we sometimes vote to allow cross talk , but always a group conscience . Louise
I have never been in a meeting where there has been cross talk. I would find it very disturbing. Very judgmental. I am even aware if anyone is nodding their head when I am speaking, or if someone else is speaking. I don't want to be in a meeting of stiff, rigid dolls sitting at the table, but nodding heads is enough for me.... and an occasional "congratulations" spoken when it is warranted.
After the meetings we cross-talk like crazy and sometimes it is soooo much fun and light...I learned a while back that the face to face meetings were "social model therapy" and that gives it a lot more structure for me with respect. ((((hugs))))
I once visited a meeting that was almost nothing but crosstalk; people were even actively _asking_ for advice!
Sooner or later, the wisdom of the no-crosstalk environment sinks in. Many of us come from environments where every word we said was called into question, or brought up at a later time and used as a weapon against us. In my family of origin I lost my authentic voice very early, learning to say what others wanted to hear, simply as a survival tool.
One of Al-Anon's greatest gifts is that it creates an environment of safety that many of us never knew before. It's an environment in which we can take those first steps toward reclaiming our true voices, and with that, healing.
My first years in Alanon were all cross-talk... "take what you like and leave the rest".
I have embraced the no cross-talk rule... ...online of course we have no separate times for greeting and coffee time... I suppose it is up to our own intuition and timing to figure this one out!
