The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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Still kicking away .. Went to a meeting this week and heard someone choose a topic of courage; said the topic of fear was negative ? In all my years of alanon, I have never heard one share that I perceived as negative .. funny coming from me who I thought was the most negative person I knew .. through the years, no one would expand much on fear, to do so would have appeared as a great sign of weakness and negative attitude .. I used to secretly wonder why it didn't bother me, I again just assumed because I was secretly Very negative .. in fact, maybe the Most negative in the group. Today I recognize thanks to alanon, I never saw a share as negative because I wasn't judging it as positive or negative, good or bad, etc .. judging being the real problem, not the fear .. for the first time, it blew me away that I wasn't the one being negative .. it takes courage to look at fear and face it .. when we call it out of the dark, it loses power .. it lives in the dark, breeds in the dark, grows strong in the dark .. it loses strength in the light ..
this week I had a recognition in me that I can't get through my fear alone .. I have it, it's here, I need to face it .. alone ? never .. I need a group today for everything .. making a mountain out of a mole hill ? I was the mountain prealanon, what an illusion .. I've always been a mole hill I'm getting to the point I don't want to be afraid of fear anymore. My fear is in me, it's not out there somewhere .. I don't need to magnify it .. another part of facing me ..
As I work my fourth, I see So much dirt I am still harboring inside, and I wonder why I'm so filled with fear ? I am still ridding myself of fearful memories, past pain, you name it .. All a part of facing it through the 4th .. funny I can look at fear or anything else and think there is no work to removing it ..
The one thing I do secretly carry shame and Much valid fear for is I am seeing my own disease through this process .. humbling to say the least .. I am seeing my thinking, my paralleling the alcoholics behavior big time .. I am No different. Addiction is addiction is addiction, everyone needs something to blame .. the thinking always comes before the drinking or anything else .. My smoking ? it's killing me. could .. effecting others, .. many areas and I can't believe I am still smoking inspite of it all ? Why am I surprised ?? Why am I surprised I am in its grip ?? this is the level of my own disease .. Why am i surprised I can't control it alone ? funny I'm never surprised by the alc anymore but I'm surprised by me as if I have no effects, ? grateful for the fourth. if you pray, please keep me in .. Thanks
Great awareness and acceptance. You are growing. Seeing that by working the program you have been changed is huge. No longer judging is a big change and gift from HP Seeing that we too have many of the same negative traits as the alcoholic, is a powerful awareness and one that will lead to the uncovering of additional positive attributes within.
When I was working my first 4th Step I told my sponsor I was working to get rid of all anger, resentment, self pity and fear from myself. She advised that because I did not accept these feelings in the past, had denied them and buried them within, that they have remained within. I used the destructive tool of denial and pretend to handle my feelings and that I needed to dig up these old feelings from the past, feel them accept them and then let them go.
She then went on to explain that these were all "Human "feelings and emotions and I could not "Get rid" of them but needed to learn how to feel them express them an let them go .
Fear can be owned, shared with another and then prayed about. She reminded me that :Courage is Fear that has said it's prayers
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Anger, Resentment, Self Pity again should be owned, shared with an alanon member or sponsor then let go of by using a slogan such as:"Let go and let God,How important is it or Let it Begin with Me. . Talk things over and reason things our helps here. as well
I now understand that in order to feel the serenity, joy, peace happiness of this life I must also be able to feel and accept the negative feelings as well
Such a gift this program truly is Thanks for your share.
What a powerful share, M! I know that it is said that the opposite of fear is faith. I find myself wondering more if fear is the opposite of love? Fear blocks both the giving and the receiving of love in my experience. Martin Luther King (paraphrased) that when he thought he was over fear, he'd find it right around a corner he turned. I notice that when I allow myself to simply relax - even in a very troubling circumstance - and simply notice what is going on in me - I can enter more fully into a peaceful state and simply be present to someone. Sometimes, when I remember to relax and simply be - I can see the other person's fear for what it is - and I can let that be, too. Fighting fear or denying fear doesn't help. Facing fear by recognizing it and letting it be seems to move both me and the other person more fully into a loving space. It made me smile so much when I read how you haven't seen fear as a negative because you don't judge shares. That is a very loving space that you're in when you are simply present to the person and their share.
I can understand your shame and fear at seeing your own disease. I did once upon a time, too. (Feel shame and fear when I recognized my own codependency.) I've come to understand that just like my A, I didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. I can become aware of it. I can accept it. I can take the action steps as shown me by my HP and the program. Seems to me, you're doing all that, too?
You are in my prayers as you've asked to be as you continue your progress through the steps. Sending you lots of encouragement, support and understanding, too.
I also love this share cause the lessons are where I am at right now. The opposite of Fear is Love is one of my latest awarenesses too; courtesy of a one on one with my HP accompanied with a video (pictures again) demonstration. "Do I have to draw you a picture Jerry F"!!??......"Yes please". A lesson on fear before that was a acronym definition on fear. F alse E vidence A ppearing R eal. My head drums up false evidence in living color and dimension and my spirit believes it; and the evidence has no foundation other than the emotion fear only. I learned how to inventory the emotion and kill the reaction so that I just don't leap up in fear and respond more appropriately to what it is that I discover. 4th step says in part...Made a searching ....fearless.... and moral inventory...
love these shares and was reminded .. 10 years i prayed begging God in a church to Please Answer me .. I Finally made it into the alanon rooms and my first reading was Courage is fear that has said its prayers .. I Knew i was home .. these were the answer to my prayer .. i laugh somedays when i say well .. God answered me in that church but i didn't expect the answer to be in the form of a whole 12 Step program .. I am So grateful it was .. !!
hearing it through these .. Let go let god isn't letting go of the situations emotions feelings pursay, it's letting go of again the control etc .. will be helpful .. and of course the love .. have a ways to go but hate love the 4th .. is really my favorite step because it is the door into me .. and a beautiful step of detaching with love; love being for us while we search thoroughly and yes, fearlessly ..
I'm getting to the point I don't want to be afraid of fear anymore. My fear is in me, it's not out there somewhere .. I don't need to magnify it .. another part of facing me ..