The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was thinking about the lessons of the last week .. there have been many. I'm just trying to keep doing the next right thing. It's not always easy and I'm trying to do things on my own which is good just hard at times. I'm still in toddler mode running before I can walk kind of deal. I really want to run and I know I need to just walk.
Court was entertaining .. or I'm easily entertained .. LOL. Actually it was funny, I ran into the gal from the DV office and we chatted for a moment she asked me how things were going. I explained what was going on and she was shocked on a couple of things as far as the CM charges being dealt with and then the guys reaction when I walked in and was chatting with them. My favorite bailiff was there and we chatted a min. She was observing and just surprised I think .. her comment to me was been here often? LOL .. umm .. yes .. way to much trying to find a new hobby. She asked about the kids and was happy to hear they were doing so well .. I told her I'm really doing well too. She was sorry to hear we still weren't divorced yet. I told her .. it is what it is .. he can't control himself and it will be a long time before he is willing to let go. I don't know if I should be grateful he doesn't see the kids or not .. at this point I am .. my daughter's anxiety issues are almost completely gone, she's thriving socially. My son is settled, he's doing well socially, he doesn't seem to have much anxiety .. he is my kid though and it shows in what he says .. I see my 9 year old self in this boy .. he misses his dad I know that part is hard on him .. he's verbalized .. mom, it's not like he paid attention to me when we saw him .. he was just there nothing more. I felt sad hearing that come out of him at 9. Anyway, we get up there and his atty is blathering about an offer I haven't seen yet .. I just stood there saying nothing and he blathered more .. lol. Finally says well we can put this off until 2/27 and I said sure .. are you sure 4 weeks you might miss me. LOL .. I know I'm the last person he wants to see in that court room .. LOL!!
The job situation is coming together .. I have another interview on Monday. It has been so validating and I am soooo GRATEFUL for Alanon as a program because of this program .. I have had 3 supervisors apologize to me and tell me how glad they are I'm back. What happened to me was not ok and that would no t happen again. Everyone has been amazing and I'm so glad to be back. I really enjoy what I do.
Alanon has given me a lot in terms of lessons, self awareness and the ability to choose to do things differently .. WOW is all I can say.
I have been blessed in ways that have humbled me this past week (3 weeks really) .. no water tends to do that .. and then add that the challenge financially dealing with it. I'm just talking about having to eat out, having to buy more water than normal and so on. The kids and I were able to shower at the Y. There are many stories I can share about the God of my understanding stepping in and putting me exactly where I need to be and allowing things to happen the way they need to. I am truly blessed. Again .. I couldn't have been able to get out of my own way to allow these things to come to pass and I am really getting a big step 3 lesson in all of this. I was showering on Friday talking to God saying .. Ok .. I really don't know what I can do or will until I get that first check .. and God really gives me what I need. I'm ok with that believe me.
God is so much bigger than my problems and His plan is so much better than mine. It is really hard to let go and to trust that process. I'm learning and have been given really positive lessons in this regard .. and I feel happy and settled. I am in a mini tornado at the moment of my own creating .. it's ok though .. it's not going to change anything to get worked up about it .. I can't see a solution if I'm in crisis mode .. so I prefer to just sit back and see what God has planned and go from there.
Hugs all and may everyone be warm and blessed headed into the new week, S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
So glad to hear that you've received so much affirmation at your workplace, a new interview in the works, places to shower and to eat, an open and honest relationship with your children, and the friendly people you are getting to know at the courthouse. Most importantly to me is you being able to see God at work in your life. That is a gift that can't be manipulated or managed or created, but it certainly can be received by those willing to receive it.
Actually it was funny, I ran into the gal from the DV office and we chatted for a moment she asked me how things were going. I explained what was going on and she was shocked on a couple of things as far as the CM charges being dealt with and then the guys reaction when I walked in and was chatting with them. My favorite bailiff was there and we chatted a min. She was observing and just surprised I think .. her comment to me was been here often? LOL .. umm .. yes .. way to much trying to find a new hobby. She asked about the kids and was happy to hear they were doing so well .. I told her I'm really doing well too. She was sorry to hear we still weren't divorced yet. I told her .. it is what it is .. he can't control himself and it will be a long time before he is willing to let go. I don't know if I should be grateful he doesn't see the kids or not .. at this point I am .. my daughter's anxiety issues are almost completely gone, she's thriving socially. My son is settled, he's doing well socially, he doesn't seem to have much anxiety .. he is my kid though and it shows in what he says .. I see my 9 year old self in this boy .. he misses his dad I know that part is hard on him .. he's verbalized .. mom, it's not like he paid attention to me when we saw him .. he was just there nothing more. I felt sad hearing that come out of him at 9. Anyway, we get up there and his atty is blathering about an offer I haven't seen yet .. I just stood there saying nothing and he blathered more .. lol. Finally says well we can put this off until 2/27 and I said sure .. are you sure 4 weeks you might miss me. LOL .. I know I'm the last person he wants to see in that court room .. LOL!! 