EGO - Al-Anon Family Group

Tracy · ~*Service Worker*~

EGO

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Tracy

I found that" EGO "was a definite defect that I discovered in doing my fourth step. Although as you noted, I felt little self-esteem or self-worth I had a huge" EGO". With this EGO I compared myself to others, found them lacking or better than, I judged others abilities and found them lacking, I gossiped and critiqued others in an effort to appear superior. In examining my motives ,as the program asked I discovered this EGO lurking just below many of my negative attitudes.

Al-Anon suggested that EGO was my way of Easing God Out and taking control. Al-Anon gave me new tools to develop something that I didn't even understand- "self-esteem "and "self-worth". Both of these can inhabit my psyches even when I am practicing humility. I gained self-worth and improved my self-esteem by taking esteem able actions, listing all that I had to be grateful for and acknowledging my true assets. By doing this daily and reviewing my motives and actions at the end of the day my self-esteem and self-worth increased as did my appreciation of my HP's role in my life.

With my increased self-esteem and self-worth I no longer needed my ego. I stopped comparing and despairing, judging and criticizing. By keeping the focus on myself, I developed a healthy attitude of whom I was and how to operate in the world as an equal.

Good topic

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Omg. Ego. Easing god out. Bc. I had no ability to trust in anything but me and that was at an all time low I was doubly screwed. Bigging me up to cover for my zero self esteem. Now I can tell it like is about me, plus Or minus and the more honest I am, the easier I can work on me. For me the EGO thing is all about. I gotta be in control or nothing will happen. I still have that glitch that thinks. If I don't get up an take control , the problem will remain unresolved. My biggest ?? Has always been. God CAN. But is he/ she willing to help me?? So in my head I am thinking. Well maybe I, will get the help. Maybe I won't. And I hate waiting for maybes. I have to be mindful of this all the time. What is my realm. What is HP, s job. And let go the stuff I can't do

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for sharing. I think the ego is a really interesting topic and it got me looking for the definition of ego. I came across this article, I thought you might like it.

http://deoxy.org/egofalse.htm

-- Edited by el-cee on Sunday 2nd of February 2014 10:25:22 AM

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

aww This was my take on this big question... years ago someone said "its a selfish programme'.

I did not go with this one. The goal I sought was this: "not to be self centred, but centred on self".

My sense of self does not depend on being good, or being out there for other people. I do these things because i need to. But most of all I need to 'be there' for myself as well...

not sure if this makes sense- a 'work in progress...'

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

DavidG wrote:
This was my take on this big question... years ago someone said "its a selfish programme'.
I did not go with this one. The goal I sought was this: "not to be self centred, but centred on self".
My sense of self does not depend on being good, or being out there for other people. I do these things because i need to. But most of all I need to 'be there' for myself as well...
not sure if this makes sense- a 'work in progress...'

David you made good sense to me....as a coda who "gave till it hurt" I had to learn to be balanced...."healthy selfish" and yea, i use the word selfish, not in that i dont' care about others needs, boundaries, etc., but I have learned to put my needs, boundaries first......i used to say in the beginning of my recovery "me me me me" and that was unhealthy selfish.....now i say "me too me too me too" as to helping/giving?? I check my motives.....are my needs met??? have i taken care of myself???? do i have it to give??? can I really do this??? or is it enabling the other to shirk their responsibilities??? I really check my motives....and the biggie...."am I doing this to buy their love or is it just straight from the heart w/no expectation of any return???" that is the biggy for me....

I had a sponsee who had a problem "getting it" so i analogized a story for her......imagine you are in an airplane....sitting next to you is a small child....this child is alone, no caretakers on board, she/he is travelling alone........the plane meets w/disaster and all oxygen masks are ordered to be "put on your masks NOW".....a healthy person will put THEIR mask on first THEN the child b/c what if they tried to help the child first and fumbled or dropped the child's mask and they pass out from lack of oxygen??? then they both may die.....so put my mask on first....make sure I am "taken care of" FIRST.... SO I am able to take the proper time i need to see that this child has his/her mask on properly and we BOTH get out alive........

hopes314 · Senior Member

I love all the responses.. so good.

I know my self has been beating up pretty badly.

I am trying very hard to have God do all my planning for me.

I feel I haven't been selfish at all with myself.. I am thinking I will work on myself and figure out a balance.

I found when I was getting this anger inside that I was not giving myself anything.

I found I went from one extreme and then to the other.

Hope

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