The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok I'm in a state of confusion and this is real. I'm starting to question how far I should stay on my side of the street . I been very good up stair minding my own self I started to read step 1 again because some of me are not getting it right. I forgot my serenity pray . I do have great gaps of memory loss . I see my therepist on Monday . Past couple of days I been noticing a change in my husband . The word change I no I can't change what ever he is doing . But I have that uncertain gut feeling that's making me sick to my stomach. Beside he gone a a lot and aa is not a issue in our home anymore it's like it's never took place . I did but my nose in on his side but not to be mean and not to start a fight out of curiosity because months ago we always argued over me going to Alaon and him not having time to get to a meeting or do any commitments . In my mind I have lots of trouble trying to keep with in the moment . A while ago when I started on here I no some one had said I was out of control and manic and confusing and I am . I'm sorry that it's taking me a long time to come out and say this. Yes I have some medical issues that prevent me to live on life's terms when your at a age of a child . I found a bill on the table that our house payment is 5 months late and actions are in the works . My husband never told me about this . He took out a cash advance on a credit card and didn't tell me. I asked him if he went to a meeting and he said what for. And a committment and he said no why would I . Mine u I'm already not in my time and day , I said to him aa and he said I don't go there I don't have a drinking problem the chips I know I seen are now gone ,his books are not here . I have my Alaon books so I no I went to Alaon , I said I'm gonna go to a meeting because I think I need to start over. He said why woukd I go to Alaon when there's not a drinking problem he said you need your shrink. So ok so I think I'm going crazy he telling me things that are confusing me and I asked about the money and his reply is you don't work you don't pay the bills you don't need to know. So my question is how do I find my way to the truth .
((((Wisdom)))) Many of us feel like we are slipping in the psych area when we first get here or when we backslide from our Al-Anon work. You can not fix, no matter how much you try. You can fix you. Keep going to meetings, get a good sponsor, and work your steps. I also think that therapy is very beneficial. As a nurse I think all people need therapy on occasion. Some os us need it more then on occasion. I think admitting we need help is a huge step in the right direction. You cant keep doing the same thing and expect different results.
Please trust your inner voice and the wisdom that your "Gut" urges you to see. You have been to alanon meetings, there has been a problem in alcoholism in your family and you are entitled to attend and gain the support and validation that you so desperately need.
Being fearful of the family's financial health is very normal--Even if you do not work. You could call the institution to inquire about what is going on and your options. You can also check with the institutions that can help you out financially. Prayer works very well also
It's clear something is going on. Those unpaid bills are a big red flag. I assume you have reason to believe that he was drinking in the past, even if you do not see direct evidence now. Like, you used to see him drinking, or slurring, or passing out, or find bottles, or whatever. If that's the case, and if he did go to AA for a while, the odds are overwhelming that the drinking has started up again, if you feel something fishy's going on.
If you never saw him drinking at all, of course it could be something else. Drugs come to mind. Gambling, compulsive spending -- there are so many addictions it's hard to keep count. But lying and secrecy and unpaid bills and "You're the crazy one!" are all common to all of them.
And remember that you don't have to convince him of your reality, or even explain it. You can say, "I need a meeting for my own well-being" and leave it at that. Quite likely he'll try to engage you in argument. Convincing us that we're insane helps deflect responsibility from them. And we do get sucked into the insanity with them.
Your share sounds so familiar! I remember my AH making me think that I was crazy or forgetful. And he also hid the fact that our house payments were months behind. It wasn't until we got an eviction notice taped to our door with a warning that we had only 5 days to move out of our home of 25 years that I finally decided that I had had enough. Thank God I had my Al-Anon program and a sponsor. Those were the things that go me through the nightmare I was living back then. It took me two years of going to meetings before I found the strength to take care of me and to realize that he was going to keep lying about his drinking and telling me that I was the one who had a problem, not him.
Keep going to your meetings as many times a week as possible. Do you have a sponsor? If not, I would encourage you to get one. Sending you ESH as you go through this challenging time.
GE
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Sunday 2nd of February 2014 12:02:35 AM
I also think those gut instincts are huge indicators that we have every right to listen to. Get to meetings, readings, sponsor, stepwork all for you and your recovery
