The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so sorry to have to post this. My mom is not telling me things I think I would like to know before she does them. Is it too much to ask? She started w/ not telling me that she was sending her car down to CA where my relatives are for my niece. I knew that she was going to do it but I had to find out on FB the day it was going to happen. Crap! It sucks that either she doesn't want me to know or she just has this sick mindset these days. Another incident which I thought was important for me to know is that she went ahead & got constructive surgery & I had to hear it from our local bank teller. It was Tuesday & I heard about it Monday, & received a call from her on Weds. I did know about the surgery. She had it down by the same surgeon that did my surgery. I just would like to have known when she set the date. Not by a phone call the next day. I am a little peeved as you can tell by how I sound in this post. I wish my mom would share w/ me and be honest. As most of you know, my mom was in the psych ward for about 3 mos. I visited her when I could & she still craps on me afterward. Maybe I should resend saying that she should go to you know where! I don't have much respect for my mom anymore. She has sucked the life out of me. I am tired literally over all this & more! I don't know if I should even care even though she is my MOTHER!
Maybe I am over-reacting. I don't know. ESH on this one.
(((Kathleen))) I can relate- you're not alone. I don't understand it and am coming into acceptance that things are this way and I am powerless. My Mom and I do not share the same idea or values regarding logic and what makes sense. I'm still working through it, say the serenity prayer, do not seek approval, and detach with love. I mean what I say and say what I mean and say it nicely, even though she is not nice. I do not stick around in an abusive situation, I don't engage in an argument, etc. When my Mom decided to exchange information with others and not with me, I learned that it was a relief when I could just let it go- she has a right to her choices and has her HP for guidance. It's very difficult, especially when it is your Mom.
I count my blessings, am grateful for a wonderful relationship with my daughter, and do volunteer work that is appreciated- it's one way that I feel good about giving, since Mom blocks me from being giving to my her and Dad.
I'm sorry Kathleen. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I may never get what I'm hoping for from certain people in my life. I realize those relationships may never be what I wish. Fortunately, we have a program fellowship that validates and give us unconditional love. It can be frustrating and lonely interacting with unhealthy family members who are emotionally unavailable and not living in reality, facing truths about themselves or recovering. I understand the longing for the bond. I experienced this with my only brother since our parent's death and shed a lot of tears over it. I had to grieve my brother as I knew him before his disease progressed and let go of the dream that we'd grow closer after the loss of our mother. Now I accept he's mostly turned away from me. I keep him in my prayers and hope that someday with the help of a higher power, he may face himself and grow to love himself. As his sister, it can feel so personal to my hurting heart but the tools of Alanon - my daily readings assure me that it's not about me. Somedays it feels tougher for my heart to catch up to my mind and settle into that place of acceptance of things as they are. I love my brother. I keep good thoughts for him but I don't stay in the sadness and disappointment nearly as long as I use to. I try to return my focus to what my higher power what like me to do with this day and honor and enjoy the life I've earned through working a program of recovery. It always helps to come here and see I'm not terminally unique, so thank you for your share. I hope the responses are helping you feel a little better. We can keep working through it with the unconditional love of our hp and other program members. (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Use your slogans - 'Live and Let Live' use the tools you learned to release you from the prison of alcoholism, let go and let God. Look for reasons why you are focusing in on your Mother. Do something nice for yourself.x
