The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel so tiny against this disease. i don't know how to be me anymore. It seems like I am to change so i don't step on the alcoholic toes.
I feel so lost. I know this is what I feel in the moment.
i do have a sponsor that has helped me so long. It took months to get pass denial. I go to meetings and I want to attend an open AA meeting.
I want regain my passion of loving my life and not allowing fear to follow me. I started believing in my hp and working on myself. I have so much work I expect it will take a life time.
I feel like I have been awaken from a deep fog.
I would like you to share your wisdom that helped you regain yourself.
i am slowly trying to soak up everything like a sponge. I know each day brings it's challenges with the hope to strenghten me.
Hope
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I have hope that my next minute will be better and to learn from my last minute.
My experience in finding myself again began with admitting the way I was living was not the way I wanted to live. At first, I separated myself legally from my AH and then divorced him. I started doing things I loved to do again like singing, volunteering, hanging out with people who didn't attack me but liked me and supported me. I stood up for myself by making decisions that I knew were in my best interest even when other disagreed with me. I realized I had one life to live and I sure didn't want to live it with an abusive alcoholic/drug addict and I didn't want my kids to live in it either. I don't believe I found myself as much as I agreed to be myself again.
You are doing well and your recovery is right on schedule. I found that attending meetings, using the slogans every day, reading the daily readers, and working the Steps with my sponsor assured my recovery. The 12th Steps states "Having had a Spiritual Awakening as result of these steps" That helped me to stay focused and use all the tools.
In reading your post it appears you are well on your way in all aspects of recovery, so please keep on showing up.
I found it is the journey that counts and that I will always need the support and growth of this program. Progress not perfection is what I strive for.
I was small and powerless over alcoholism but my HP was bigger than the disease.
He led me to al anon and provided me with the tools to protect myself. They say in al anon one day at a time try not to took at the bigger picture just on today, what can you do today that will help you.
I through myself into my recovery I have been in Al anon just over 6 years and WOW my life is amazing , I will not lie I have needed to keep coming back and have tried to work the programme to best of my ability but I have never given up and today I am happy again, I never thought I could be happy again I was so hurt, down beaten but al anon and Hp picked me up.
If you keep coming back and do what is suggested it is guaranteed to work.
Hopes you interpret the picture of what it was like just as I came into program myself and yes when I learned about alcoholism I also saw myself as being so small in the face of it. I agree that you are on the right path...your share shows that you are and I agree also with Tracy's reminder to us that all we can do is one day at a time just as the program teaches. I don't like getting ahead of myself elsewise I start projecting and fortune telling and getting into expectations which I learned are future resentments. I don't try to lead any longer. I'm one part of the AFG and for me that is beyond enough. Keep coming back cause for sure this works when you work it. ((((hugs))))
You sound like you're making wonderful progress in getting to know yourself. sometimes we liken recovery to the peeling of an onion. We peel it layer by layer. OK it can be a stinky deal at times for sure but it really is worth the effort. One thing that has never changed for me from the time I was a newcomer is that I do better by remembering to ask my higher power to guide me when I wake up in the morning and trying to stay present in the day and do what's in front of me - simple things, parts of bigger things if it's too much to tackle all at once. I tend to use our slogans Keep it Simple, One Day at a Time and Live and Let Live the most. It is a lifetime journey. I'm never going to be "recovered." I'm recovering. Maybe there are some things you like to do that will help to increase your serenity. I no longer live with someone who is abusing alcohol but my workplace very much mimics those old days and I have neighbors who abuse drugs and are loud physically abusive to one another. Because of this, it's difficult to find peace. I began taking a yoga classand I bought some earplugs for at home and I read my Alanon books to center myself again. Praying helps too. When I lived with my exhusband who was using, I created a quiet space for myself in the house but didn't tell him about it. You know it can be any size it doesn't matter. What mattered was that it belonged to me alone and I put things there that held meaning for me and helped me feel serene - pictures of loved ones, nature, treasures like seashells to bring the ocean close, stones from the creek, special prayers, gratitude lists and a God box with big worries on little scraps of paper that I wanted my higher power to help me with. Something like this can be as small as a box in dresser drawer. You express a lot of awareness, you have a sponsor who you're reaching out to and you're making progress. Hope you'll keep coming back and listening for the message and learning with us. Life is good with this program! TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
for sure but it really is worth the effort. One thing that has never changed for me from the time I was a newcomer is that I do better by remembering to ask my higher power to guide me when I wake up in the morning and trying to stay present in the day and do what's in front of me - simple things, parts of bigger things if it's too much to tackle all at once. I tend to use our slogans Keep it Simple, One Day at a Time and Live and Let Live the most. It is a lifetime journey. I'm never going to be "recovered." I'm recovering. Maybe there are some things you like to do that will help to increase your serenity. I no longer live with someone who is abusing alcohol but my workplace very much mimics those old days and I have neighbors who abuse drugs and are loud physically abusive to one another. Because of this, it's difficult to find peace. I began taking a yoga class and I bought some earplugs for at home and I read my Alanon books to center myself again. Praying helps too. When I lived with my exhusband who was using, I created a quiet space for myself in the house but didn't tell him about it. You know it can be any size it doesn't matter. What mattered was that it belonged to me alone and I put things there that held meaning for me and helped me feel serene - pictures of loved ones, nature, treasures like seashells to bring the ocean close, stones from the creek, special prayers, gratitude lists and a God box with big worries on little scraps of paper that I wanted my higher power to help me with. Something like this can be as small as a box in dresser drawer. You express a lot of awareness, you have a sponsor who you're reaching out to and you're making progress. Hope you'll keep coming back and listening for the message and learning with us. Life is good with this program! TT