The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new to this. Just found my husbands stash hes been hiding for over 2 years. Tons of vodka, beer and even a porn video. I;m devastated. We have been married for almost 26 years coming May. I am beyond angry, and deeply saddened. Feel as if 1/2 my life has been a phasod. I;m numb.Cant feel my hands. I moved upstairs into another bedroom. What do people do with this.? How do you live with this?
The simple answer is we learn to take care of ourselves. We are members of Al Anon, which is open to anyone who has a friend or relative with an alcohol problem.
My AW stashed vodka bottles for a couple of years, although the stash was mostly empty because she drank them as soon as she bought them. that was when I realized there really was a problem, and her and my denial of the problem could no longer occur in the light of the hard evidence of those bottles. And then my 12 yo son found some. My AW us now in recovery, so there is hope.
Please check out Al Anon in your phone book and go to a meeting if possible. There will be people there who have walked in your shoes and come out the other side. Also, reading here, and going to online meetings is another way to help yourself.
Just know that you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you won't cure it. You have had a huge, numbing shock. With lots of Al Anon, you will get rid of that numbness, and be able to make your own mind up about what you need to do.
Hugs and welcome, you are not alone .. I came to alanon finding out what I thought and what really was were two different things. I'm so sorry for the utter shock you are experiencing as well as the pain. I do hope you will come back here and find face to face meetings in your area. It gets better and I can be happy. I'm no longer with my stbax .. I'm ok with that I knew many who are still together and are actually happy. Keep coming back .. hugs ..
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Hi. Being hit with the reality of your husband's disease is a hard wake up call. I'm sorry you are feeling such pain and shock. You came to the right place since many of us have experienced some of this same emotional reaction to something over which we are powerless, but not helpless. In Alanon meetings, you will meet others who have been there or are there and you will be able to learn more about the disease of alcoholism, how it affects us and what solutions we can apply to ourselves and our lives that might not change the progressive nature of the disease in our loved one, but can help us live lives of hope and promise regardless of whether or not our loved ones choose to get treatment for their disease.
Keep coming back here, too. We're here for you.
when reality revealed itself to me I needed people to talk to who understood.
Look up your nearest al anon meeting people there will not judge you they will support you and educate you about this disease. It is nice to have people who understand
Is he 007!!! Sorry, I quite liked that one. I found stashes for years, under the bath, in the hedge, in cupboards but I always knew, always. It was me who was the secret agent, I had the knowledge, I knew what he was up to even over the phone, I knew. I was like a detective, an obsessed detective that just had to know.
I couldn't really live with it and I left him after almost 20yrs. It can be done though but only with a really strong Alanon program. I became sick living with an alcoholic. My symptoms were an obsessive need to control everything and everyone, self pity, resentment, jealousy, bitterness, self righteousness, denial about the reality of my life, the list goes on really.
The only solution to the problem for me is Alanon, a program of self recovery that I must work every day because the old symptoms are just waiting to surface. This is a good place to start but I would check out the online meetings, they are on the website.x
I was and probably still am to a point, the vodka detective. I too could always tell. Neighbors, family, friends could too. They think they are hiding it but they aren't. We know. Al-anon face to face meetings saved my life. I started about 8 years ago and felt such a relief to know that there were other people just like me. I found this site almost a year ago and it too has been such a healing place. The meetings, the support, message boards - all of it. I have gone to some open AA meetings which have helped. On Saturdays they have speakers come in and tell their story. It is pretty enlightening to me as they get up and speak, with honesty, how their life became out of control. This has been the hardest thing in my life to handle, as I am sure most will say the same. I also love the Al-Anon books. They have helped so much. Keep us posted on how you are doing. Take care, Jenny
Welcome! You are in the right place & I feel your pain! I am a victim(or should I say) of some of the things you said. I put up w/ it for a mere 3 years. I always wondered if I should stay.
I don't want to specify what I went through but you can probably guess. Even on here I have trouble getting around the real stuff that bothers me & continues to bother me.
I can only suggest that you come to meetings if you can & keep coming back to MIP. You are welcome here.
i understand too. i once found a stash of coke when it was supposedly quit years ago. feeling like your life has been a facade, a joke. yeah, i know how that feels. moving into the other side of the house, throwing clothes out of closets, slamming doors....etc. you think you'll get their attention with extreme reactions, but in my experience none of it does any good. they don't quit until they decide on their own to quit. i'm not a good person to give advice here, but i can tell you that you're not alone here, people here know how you feel. ((hugs))
