Are you afraid to make a mistake? - Al-Anon Family Group

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Are you afraid to make a mistake?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Loved the picture of Prudie in your bed with feathers stuck to her body. Cute.

As far as fear of mistakes, that may happen more with people who were abused as kids when they made mistakes rather than complimented for trying something new and paying attention to the outcome as in "what worked well? what didn't work well?" I think our 10th step helps those among us who were abused as kids for making mistakes learn to re-parent themselves by taking a more gentle approach to trying or changing something that doesn't work as well as we might have liked? Sponsors are a big help with this, too, in my experience and the fellowship to include MIP. In my own learnings, I have come to see that "right/wrong" thinking is a growth killer. Learning to value my own thoughts and feelings while letting others value theirs - even if we think differently - is much kinder and gentler way to behave in relationships. Remembering that we are all MIPs with our own life experiences and perspectives helps me work to be inclusive more than exclusive when relating with others.

As to your comforter and your feather bed - well.........uhm...........is Prudie going to re-stuff it and sew it back together again - you know - a little amends making on her part? (((D)))

-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 25th of January 2014 03:39:06 PM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 25th of January 2014 03:39:31 PM

oldergal · Senior Member

Thank You Debliyn for your down to earth advise, keen awareness it is good and I appreciate it. Lighthearted, Good actions in detaching....og

KennyFenderjazz · ~*Service Worker*~

One of my first 4th step revelations was this. It keeps me from trying new things, helps keep me in a rut, since if I stay in that nice comfortable rut I know I won't screw it up! I need to get more of your attitude!

Peace
Kenny

PS who said the on Star Trek NG? Sounds like either Picard or Ryker?

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you so much for this share

Watchers!!!!!!!

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for sharing. I think its a very good question. On a more serious note...

I know I am scared of failing and making a mistake and part of it was due to living with an A. Can't really remember many fun times to be honest. I remember the put downs, the deliberate jibes designed to keep my self esteem low because that way I was easier to control and manipulate and in turn allowed him to continue in his alcoholism. I believe my fear of making mistakes is partly the legacy of living with an active and then not active alcoholic.

I don't think alcoholics are attractive or fun, I think they can be dangerous to their loved ones, and I think the reasons that we end up with an alcoholic are complex and more about our own mental health issues often arising from our childhoods. Its good you have worked through this and are in a different place, I hope to be there too one day.x

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

My life became simpler when I voiced a simple truth - I can't learn from my mistakes if I don't make any. Granted I always hope to not make any mistakes that kill someone or blow up a country and most of the time the mistakes just make ME look dumb and teach me something. I can accept that I've made a mistake and hope that what I learn I am able to pass along to someone else somewhere down the road.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Deb

I am no longer "Afraid " of making a mistake or trying something new. Thanks to alanon and working the Steps I am free of that anxiety and fear. In working the Steps I uncovered many destructive motives and a attitudes buried deep within that held me back and lead to a negative outlook. Of coarse I blamed others for my misfortune and did not look to my own issues. I finally was able to accept my humanness thank you alanon and no longer need to "know it all or be prefect What a gift!!!

Thanks for the topic.

PS

I loved watching Frasier and Friends. They ended my day with a smile How wonderful.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Getting rid of the fear allows me to love openly. Making mistakes causes me to accept that when I make one I also make amends and apology. It's all about the practice, practice, practice. (((hugs))) smile

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Deb, for sharing this. I know I struggle with fear of making mistakes and perfectionism. Mostly due to parental neglect and expectations and fear of my father. What I realized was that I only got attention when I did something good, so I always tried to be good, be the perfect daughter, not make any mistakes, etc. I had to be perfect, because if I wasn't, then I'd be invisible and that was way worse.

Anyway, that is where my fear of making mistakes comes from. Luckily, I am not teaching that to my son. Whenever he does something wrong we take a look at the situation and ask him, "Well, was there any good out of this? What can you take away from this; both good and bad?" He's far more open to making mistakes and understanding losses than I was.

I love it when these subjects come up on MIP, it helps me with my step work and in evaluating where I am in my growth and recovery! Hugs, Debilyn!

Sweet Stanley · ~*Service Worker*~

Great post. I was one of those people that always tried to be perfect. Look good, act good, be good. After being in this program for a few years now, I am so much more comfortable in my own skin. Mistakes? I make them all the time! I have learned to own up to them and move on. I don't feel the need to be perfect anymore....it is liberating! Thanks Debilyn... This was quite enlightening... I hadn't really thought about it. But it reminds me of my growth in this program.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.